The (re)birth of feminism

 

This is not a pregnancy announcement post.

It is, however, an attempt to evoke the dilation of a giant rebirth called Feminism.

Over the last ten years, I've written stories and poems circling one significant theme. A theme that speaks of the uterus and uses the word vagina sans apologetic nuance.

The theme is sewed in a satirical tone and with mostly dark endings, if not left undone.

A dear friend once asked if I would write different stories after I re-marry. This question, I believe, is based on one general assumption. That feminists are all mad.

Yes. We all are.

Not many realize this anger comes from tragic stories; death over what we wear (and do not); abuse simply because we say no (and when we say yes); voices kept shut (because, really, who would believe her story?); doors to education slammed (if we're lucky enough not being shot in the head); and ways for justice remain dark.

But we are also hopeful. At least, I am.

Me marrying the man I love does not change my mind about what I advocate. If anything, it fuels it.

Feminism allows a bond to be vulnerable and brave about making decisions and after one's dream.

Being comfortable telling your partner that you do not want to go for a round of IVF or to tell them you're broke and need them to support you for a while.

To confidently tell them you want both last names to be part of your child's, to take turns being gentle or firm.

But those are only the small things.

There's a reason why Gender Equality is UNSDG #5.

From a bigger perspective, Feminism force is thriving towards the well-being of a family, society, country, and even the world.

Fewer would give in to child marriage, many stomping for better education, malnutrition would end, and wage parity would deliver stability to all stakeholders.

And perhaps we could all sleep better at night.

As Merriam Webster dictionary states, Feminism; is a belief in and advocacy of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes expressed through organized activity on behalf of women's rights.

Simple, but the road is long.

Now take a deep breath, world.

We are about to give birth ❤⭐

A little note on your kid's first day of school

 

Samuel my nephew, 3 y.o

This one is for Mamas, Dads, or other parent figures with bawled eyes posting pictures of their kids' first day of school.

I hope you'll find peace and delight knowing that you've made it possible for your little one to explore the endless world of knowledge.

You did it. 

Now take a deep breath. Have that glass of wine, read your fashion magazine, make that business call, or take a non interrupted shower with that sweet fragrant of soap bar you've been saving. 

Anything to appreciate those rare moments of being a trusting parent, knowing that your kids are in the right hand and in a safe space.

Your kids will be home soon. Eyes all wide (they're probably a bit smelly), ready to tell you about their day.

Day one. 

You did it.

An Ode to Parents of Dogs

Your truly and almost 11 y.o Mahoni, my first rescue in Bali

There is a special bond that unites us mothers and fathers of dogs. In a world that does not get us, we share stories about chewed sofas and pulled harnesses on walkies.

Even when we have not met, we know each other's dogs' quirks and allergies, or who's a weather frog and who's a good girl and the alpha sire.

Do you have to be home before it gets dark because Butch has anxiety? We get that.
Here, I share you song lists to calm your dogs during a thunderstorm.

You mute yourself about ten times during an hour online meeting because how would Lilly know how to wait for dinner? We've been there.
We have rollers that we grab right before we leave the house.
None of us have doorbells at home. Because boy wasn't Jojo a loud mutt!

Your vet bills are mounting, but won't you provide the best care for those glassy eyes who've witnessed you cry to sleep?
Then there are sleepless nights when you lie next to their old face. You convince yourself you never hear the clock ticking that loud.
In tow, your fear.

Then, that void. A void only we can understand.
A quiet yet magnitude pain when you look for their shadow and it's just no longer there.

"It's just a dog." is a phrase we will never comprehend, and we don't intend to.
There is no need to explain this bond to the world.

In our dogs' world, there is a type of love that is just enough for them, even when we think we should have given them more.
There is a time frame that's sufficient for them, even when we always want more.
One more day.
One more chewed sofa. One more ruined meeting. One more walk.

One more sleep that gets us to wake up to our first day together. So we can do it all over again.
Because who would bear the hassle of installing a doorbell?

(Dedicated to those who get it. We are thankful for your friendship 💜) #dogsarefamily

Timing and everything in between

Us two on a short staycation in Ubud

These days, Yovan and I have been pondering about our plans. Big and small. Those, of course, plans orbit around our stage in life and our age. 

We cannot help but wonder how different things would be if we got together sooner.

So my mind phrased this little note.

If we started this (marriage) earlier, in our 20s at least (when we met!), maybe we'd be arranging more travel plans.

Maybe, there be rarer conversations about back pains, and I'd still have more eggs in me.

How about when we were in our 30's? I think date nights would last longer than 10 pm, and there be fewer blood pressure meds in the cabinet.

But also, maybe. I won't be this vulnerable, and you won't respond to this dynamic as you do today. Maybe, we won't be this content knowing that God is in charge and His sovereignty rules every step of the way.

His timing is everything, even when we have to wait a little longer. His sovereignty rules, mostly when we have to pivot our plans.

Giwang dari Inang

 

Dalam kantong beludru merah, sepasang giwang itu disimpan
Disodorkan oleh tangan Inang yang kukunya berpoles kembang pacar
Untuk kau, katanya
Giwang emas sekian gram dengan setitik berlian
Supaya cantik kalau marpesta
Walau jauh anakku itu, suamimu

Anak si Inang memang sedang bekerja di lepas laut sana
Sudah enam bulan dia pergi, kenang inang
Sejak Natalan gereja di kampung, ingatnya
Sejak aku keguguran kali ketiga, catat Anggi

Bibel berkata hari berlalu seperti torak
Walau tak paham benar soal torak, Anggi menghitung
Sudah tiga kali giwang itu dia pakai ke pesta menemani Inang
Sudah lima pujian dia dapat
Sudah dua transferan dia terima dari suaminya, lewat Inang
Sudah ada tiga surat, yang lalu berhenti setelah kepergian si Abang masuk bulan ke delapan

Giwang itu selalu Anggi bersihkan setiap selesai pakai
Pernah Abang menjanjikan untuk membelikan yang lebih besar
Beratnya, juga karat berliannya
Tapi temani dulu Mamakku ya
Sedih Mamak, belum ada cucunya

Setelah lepas setahun tiga bulan, surat dari Abang kembali datang
Kali ini untuk Inang
Abang harus meminang perempuan lain yang hamil karenanya
Sehat, kehamilan si perempuan itu
Tidak seperti Anggi yang selalu gagal memberikan cucu
Pendarahan karena ini itu

Mana ada madu rasanya masam!
Tolak Anggi pada perjanjian yang ditawarkan
Kembalikan dulu giwang dariku itu
Inang murka, karena Anggi tak setuju untuk bungkam
Kau kan tahu betapa rindunya aku punya cucu
Supaya ada keturunan anakku

Anggi tahu, tahu betul
Tapi tetap pergi ia, setelah mengembalikan giwang di dalam kantong beludru merah

Inang tidak tahu, bahwa berliannya sudah dicungkil di toko emas Berkat milik Koh Anton yang ditempuh Anggi dalam waktu tiga jam naik motor pinjaman
Diganti serpihan zirkon yang nampak serupa

Anggi tahu, tahu betul
perbuatannya tak indah
apalagi, uangnya tak seberapa

Tetapi daripada membayangkan dirinya
disebut perempuan malang
saat Inang dan anaknya itu
menyambut cucu baru yang katanya lelaki

Lebih baik,
Ia dikenal sebagai perempuan sialan

Oleh Tressabel (yang tidak pernah punya giwang berlian)
*Bibel (Alkitab dalam bahasa Batak)

How to get what you want in life (or at least, for your birthday)

Joining billions of other people in the world, I also did the “Which F.R.I.EN.D.S character are you?” quiz while procrastinating. It resulted in dr. Richard Burke. (I thought I was a Monica)

One time when we were still dating, I asked Yovan the same question. Which of the series’ characters do you see fit me the most? To my surprise, he said, “Rachel.” But the conversation switched to talking about how the love story of Rachel and Ross is one of the worst in the world. You name all the newly found words; toxic, gaslighting, love bombing. It was all in that one and off ten years lobster tale. 

Fast forward to 2023. A week before my birthday, I sent Yovan my wish list. Things that I want for my birthday, Christmas, or just for the pleasure of it. They are not necessarily what I need. Now before we go further, let me tell you about this list. 

It’s not as simple as listing beige trousers, running shoes, or laptop case. My list has a description of the item, the size, and the link to where one can find them. It’s also categorised in price range, so buying within your budget is possible. See? Could I be more Monica?

Yovan was perplexed at first. The idea of buying a birthday gift from a list is not something he can comprehend. “Will you be okay with it? There’s no element of surprise!” he asked, being a spontaneous and gleeful person who loves romance more than anyone I know. “But you know I hate surprises,” I answered and reassured him again that having people singing Happy Birthday to me at a restaurant is a big no-no for me. 

Here are my takes that convinced him to have one solicited document containing things we want that we can go to on Birthdays, Christmas, or a just cause: 

1. Buying things from a wish list benefits both the receiver and the giver. The giver does not have to stumble from one idea to another, the receiver will be satisfied

2. Zero errors! The arms of the shirt will sit perfectly on the shoulder, and the lipstick shade will be THAT exact Merlot and not Burgundy. The insole of the shoes will cause no chaffing.  

3. There still is an element of surprise because the receiver will not know which item you are buying

4. The recipient WILL appreciate it, and it will not end up as clutter (or being exchanged to store credit)

5. Zero errors and I know I already said that!

There! These are my Rachel's quirks! How she ensures everyone to "Stick with the list," my mind tells me as I speak the last bit of my in-depth objective. I get it. But Yovan is no Ross. So I think we are good.

PS: Would you try this Wish List with your spouse?

"You will never forget the smell." A honeymoon story

 You will never forget the smell.

It was a mix of nitrogen and hydrogen (I wanted to say ammonia, and what I meant was urine) fusing with mildew brought by the dropping temperature. 

Surely enough, the concoction is not the most fragrant. But your sense of smell will be inhaling the said aroma whenever you think of the city that never sleeps. 

I do not know how but that's what is still happening seven days after the trip ended. 

The Brooklyn Bridge

Like most people, I also have a list of places to visit before I die. As basic as it sounds, New York City is one of them. The name sits after Tokyo, which I am dying to go to for the World Marathon Majors, followed by London for the idea of bumping into Robert Smith and to watch endless rock concerts. 

After years of collecting old covers of The New Yorker magazines and souvenirs from The Met museum and pinning hundreds of boards on Pinterest, that day finally happened. 

Here's the sweetest part. New York was our honeymoon destination!

My husband studied in the U.S. in the '90s, so this was not his first, but it is for me. So I let him usher on our agenda and what to do, as long as we visit all the bookstores and see one Broadway show. We did. It was a mesmerising performance of Jefferson Mays on Christmas Carol. The Met was also one great decision worth repeating. Here's a quick tip: Wear comfy sneakers and warm socks. I did and it helped me stroll around without feeling weary. 

Basic tourist photo at The Times Square

To summarise the trip in one blog article would not be enough. This trip was mind-boggling in so many ways while at the same time allowing me to appreciate home even more.

The weather tested us to the bone in literal and figurative meaning. We often find ourselves walking through the narrow alleys of Chinatown for over-rice dishes because our palate cannot be satisfied with bread and pizza alone. My take on food may not be one to take notes from as my palate is 99% south east asian, so I pretty much eat solely for energy as I keep telling myself I will soon go back to my flavourful Indonesian dishes. 

The subway system puzzled me since I arrived. Luckily Yovan was excellent at it. Our encounter with homeless people and those under the influence of drugs was countless, leaving a different kind of despair in our hearts. Although, some of them preached real good about the return of the Messiah!

Certain things bring us contentment. 

A festive cheer that may have come too early if compared to other parts of the world. The city was dressing up for Christmas like someone wearing a Sunday best. Dogs are everywhere (their turds, some. So watch your step!). You meet them on subway trains, at restaurants, and at airports. You see them bracing for the cold weather in dog vests walking with their owners getting coffee and bagels. 

High Line

Yovan had his heart filled to the rim with delight visiting sneakers stores and revisiting some of his favourite places. All the bookstores got me all excited. I almost got myself exceeding the capacity of our baggage. Reunions with old friends were lovely, and meeting our Bali friends was unexpected!

Most importantly, Yovan and I got to know each other more. Some quirks only showed when we were away from home, so are habits we did not realise we had. All in all, it was a trip that brought us closer, and we promise to do it again someday when we are better equipped with thermal undergarments and maybe face masks to cover that distinctive smell. 

Ooh oh. There it is again. I can smell it. 

PS: We flew to Chicago and drove to Milwaukee during this trip and stayed for two nights. That story will need a separate space.  

PS.PS: Thank you sayang for this sweet and unforgettable honeymoon. 

Chicago. Teaser for a different post