Showing posts with label YMLR. Show all posts
Showing posts with label YMLR. Show all posts

Jul 2, 2023

Timing and everything in between

Us two on a short staycation in Ubud

These days, Yovan and I have been pondering about our plans. Big and small. Those, of course, plans orbit around our stage in life and our age. 
We cannot help but wonder how different things would be if we got together sooner.

So my mind phrased this little note.

If we started this (marriage) earlier, in our 20s at least (when we met!), maybe we'd be arranging more travel plans.
Maybe, there be rarer conversations about back pains, and I'd still have more eggs in me.
How about when we were in our 30's? I think date nights would last longer than 10 pm, and there be fewer blood pressure meds in the cabinet.
But also, maybe. I won't be this vulnerable, and you won't respond to this dynamic as you do today. Maybe, we won't be this content knowing that God is in charge and His sovereignty rules every step of the way.
His timing is everything, even when we have to wait a little longer. His sovereignty rules, mostly when we have to pivot our plans.

Nov 29, 2022

"You will never forget the smell." A honeymoon story

 You will never forget the smell.

It was a mix of nitrogen and hydrogen (I wanted to say ammonia, and what I meant was urine) fusing with mildew brought by the dropping temperature. 

Surely enough, the concoction is not the most fragrant. But your sense of smell will be inhaling the said aroma whenever you think of the city that never sleeps. 

I do not know how but that's what is still happening seven days after the trip ended. 

The Brooklyn Bridge

Like most people, I also have a list of places to visit before I die. As basic as it sounds, New York City is one of them. The name sits after Tokyo, which I am dying to go to for the World Marathon Majors, followed by London for the idea of bumping into Robert Smith and to watch endless rock concerts. 

After years of collecting old covers of The New Yorker magazines and souvenirs from The Met museum and pinning hundreds of boards on Pinterest, that day finally happened. 

Here's the sweetest part. New York was our honeymoon destination!

My husband studied in the U.S. in the '90s, so this was not his first, but it is for me. So I let him usher on our agenda and what to do, as long as we visit all the bookstores and see one Broadway show. We did. It was a mesmerising performance of Jefferson Mays on Christmas Carol. The Met was also one great decision worth repeating. Here's a quick tip: Wear comfy sneakers and warm socks. I did and it helped me stroll around without feeling weary. 

Basic tourist photo at The Times Square

To summarise the trip in one blog article would not be enough. This trip was mind-boggling in so many ways while at the same time allowing me to appreciate home even more.

The weather tested us to the bone in literal and figurative meaning. We often find ourselves walking through the narrow alleys of Chinatown for over-rice dishes because our palate cannot be satisfied with bread and pizza alone. My take on food may not be one to take notes from as my palate is 99% south east asian, so I pretty much eat solely for energy as I keep telling myself I will soon go back to my flavourful Indonesian dishes. 

The subway system puzzled me since I arrived. Luckily Yovan was excellent at it. Our encounter with homeless people and those under the influence of drugs was countless, leaving a different kind of despair in our hearts. Although, some of them preached real good about the return of the Messiah!

Certain things bring us contentment. 

A festive cheer that may have come too early if compared to other parts of the world. The city was dressing up for Christmas like someone wearing a Sunday best. Dogs are everywhere (their turds, some. So watch your step!). You meet them on subway trains, at restaurants, and at airports. You see them bracing for the cold weather in dog vests walking with their owners getting coffee and bagels. 

High Line

Yovan had his heart filled to the rim with delight visiting sneakers stores and revisiting some of his favourite places. All the bookstores got me all excited. I almost got myself exceeding the capacity of our baggage. Reunions with old friends were lovely, and meeting our Bali friends was unexpected!

Most importantly, Yovan and I got to know each other more. Some quirks only showed when we were away from home, so are habits we did not realise we had. All in all, it was a trip that brought us closer, and we promise to do it again someday when we are better equipped with thermal undergarments and maybe face masks to cover that distinctive smell. 

Ooh oh. There it is again. I can smell it. 

PS: We flew to Chicago and drove to Milwaukee during this trip and stayed for two nights. That story will need a separate space.  

PS.PS: Thank you sayang for this sweet and unforgettable honeymoon. 

Chicago. Teaser for a different post

Apr 20, 2022

King David of Israel and Robert Nesta Marley

Here's my personal vow I read to Yovan, my husband, on our wedding day, March 12.

"I asked you one random question last year; If you could have anyone, dead or alive, singing at your wedding... who would that be?
You answered King David of Israel. I wanted Bob Marley.
That conversation reminds me of how different we are, yet so much alike.
For obvious reasons, none of them can make it tonight. However, I am sure the most important guest is here. That is Jesus Christ

You once said that I am one of God's favourite and you've been treating me like one too.
I have so much to say to you right now but I'll keep it for when the guests are gone

Here comes the real part...

When things get hard. Because we know someday it will
When God says no. Because sometimes He might
Or when it's really hard for you to understand my crazy idea about life, when I am too stubborn, when you realised I'll never be a good cook... and when the weight of the world is on our shoulders or when we are sick...
I hope you'll find the heart to remind us what we have promised God today

I love you, and I cannot wait to glorify God in this marriage with you ❤ 

PS: If you want to read our story, click A Conscious Love Story






Jul 3, 2021

What is the scariest part about relationship?

For me, it has always been (and is) about when I feel a gentle kick in my gut, that I have started being vulnerable. My autopilot defence mechanism will tell me to: stop. "You should never accept help." "This too will end badly." 

This is the loudest one; "You are going to get hurt."

Of course, I have learned that vulnerability is a key ingredient in creating healthy, fulfilling relationship. I understand the whys, I even heard stories about how couples are getting solid foundation from being open about their fears and or worries. Because contrary to what the world believes, vulnerability, is actually a measure of strength and courage, not weakness.

But when it comes to actually being vulnerable in real life, I struggle my wobbly ways forward. How do I do that? 

Especially, how do one who have been through most things alone able to say "I need help.", "Will you take care of me?". Or simply saying "Can you pick me up at the airport, please?" 

With this pandemic lurking, messing with our every plans, collapsing the world, I am cornered to feeling depressed from time to time. There are significant albeit painful changes that my family must face, some are even exposed to the virus. Like normal humans, I cannot always roll with the punches. 

I am slowly learning to lean in, to accepting help and support. Into believing that God has more in store when it comes to love and life.

I hope, you are being patient with me. 






Oct 24, 2020

And wouldn't it be nice to live together?

One of my all time fave. Somehow now feels more relevant than ever.


"And wouldn't it be nice to live together

In the kind of world where we belong?
You know it's gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together
Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new?
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through?"
PS: She and Him did a nice cover of this song too, check it here.


Oct 23, 2020

I really do

For years, I never prayed about this particular part of my life. Life partner, and... if we want to be more specific here, a life partner in a God centered relationship.

No one can really ask me why, as I will shrug it off lightly as I move forward. And I was not being dishonest. I was always thinking of that matter lightly. 

However, I continue to pray that God will cultivate me. My heart, mind, habits. Following the path He has prepared for me. Not easy. But I keep going. 

With so many changes especially the past two years, I've never been this certain of my existence. Pandemic or not, broke or wealthy, I am where I am intended to be, I am who I am sculptured to be.

I turned forty last January. On that very day, I finally talked to Him about it. How I have this sweet yet aching longing about fulfilling another purpose. A purpose I am somehow certain of, is in the store for me. "If you think I will do better in fulfilling my purpose by uniting with someone (of Your choice), thy will be done."

Now, if you have been reading my posts since the beginning, you might have a slight idea of who I am. How I can be particular (if not peculiar) with what I want. Books, music, food, clothes. Men? Yes, that too. So I cannot say I am not frightened because truth is... I am. 

That rugged-nerdy-handsome look but knows how to dress properly? Sure that is still on the list. And I believe in my list! Literate? Yes, THAT is non negotiable. We need to be intellectually intertwined, not just about trends, books, social issues, and or politics. It is also about the Holy Bible, about God's words, about who He is and what He wants from that person as a man, individually, and as a man if he were to be my lifetime partner. Someone I naturally respect and love at the same time because I just see it in him. 

What kind of a father will he be? I have my views on that too. Someone who is not afraid of showing tough love when needed but so gentle he would dress up in pink tutus if our daughter (or son) wants to have him dress as a princess who came to a tea party. 

A dad who would protect but gentle, provide but also allowing me to contribute. A lover, but also, a long time friend...





Sep 23, 2020

Location Unknown

"I don't want to be wasting time without you
Don't wanna throw away my life I need you
Something tells me we'll be alright
But something tells me we'll be alright alright"


Travelling places I ain't seen you in ages
But I hope you come back to me
My mind's running wild with you faraway
I still think of you a hundred times a day
I still think of you too if only you knew
When I'm feeling a bit down and I wanna pull through
I look over your photograph
And I think how much I miss you, I miss you
I wish I knew where I was 'cause I don't have a clue
I just need to work out some way of getting me to you
'Cause I will never find a love like ours out here
In a million years, a million years
My location unknown tryna find a way back home to you again
I gotta get back to you gotta gotta get back to you
My location unknown tryna find a way back home to you again
I gotta get back to you gotta gotta get back to you
I just need to know that you're safe, given that I'm miles away
On the first flight back to your side
I don't care how long it takes, I know you'll be worth the wait
On the first flight back to your side
- Honne-
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