Menstruation Talks

Photo from NPR Org

When the puberty bus hits me with my first menstruation (mood swings, funny body odor, sans breast growth), I worry about how society's expectations might define the world for girls.

"You have to be more careful now," mothers and aunties would say. But what did they mean by "careful"?
People would comment on our looks, skin fairness, and how we should behave and dress because apparently, we are responsible for sexual crimes.

What struck me was that they avoided the word "menstruation." Instead, they used phrases like "Aunt Flow," "Palang Merah," or "Datang Bulan" because discussing puberty is taboo.

It's not that these phrases are immoral, but oh but ..
They distract from crucial topics such as menstrual hygiene, reproductive health, proper nutrition for hormonal balance, and the fact that girls and women can still play sports.

A 2018 study revealed that between ages 8-14, girls’ confidence drops by 30 percent. Boys experience drops too, but at 14, when girls are at their lowest, boys' confidence is still 27% higher. See how the domino effect can go far?

While the formula to changing the above can be intricate and detailed, I know how we can create change.

It's all on us.

Revising how we speak to girls (and boys) is the first step to breaking the stigma.

Say it as it is. Menstruation.
*Period.

*pun intended

(Here are some links with insightful tips on talking about menstruation and puberty with your children: Voices of Youth on Menstruation, On Puberty, Tweens and Puberty.)

What are your (not so secretly) random turn ons?

In an attempt to cheer the mood of this blog a little, let's talk about something fun!

We all have those strange little things we're attracted to that may dilate our pupil bigger than if your type of guy (in my case, Mark Ruffalo) is walking into the restaurant where you were eating. It could be in the way a guy talks softly to a waiter when placing his order, the way his eyes crooked when he smiles, or as simple as the way he rolls up his sleeves.

It could be anything, often overlooked, and it's pretty much random but you cannot help but feeling giddy just thinking about it!

Here are some of mine:

• Beard and glasses. Not too much tho, just enough to give that scruffy look. A simple framed glasses is a plus as it makes him look serious and boy am I so into serious guys. The challenging part of this one is that I only like it if the guy is tidy at the same time too, so... no washed out top or dirty jeans!
• Broad shoulders. My mind will instantly wander off to some romantic scene of us lazing on a sofa, watching a movie, as I slowly doze off on his shoulder... Sleepy girl here.
• If I caught him being gentle, talking softly to children and or elderly. Brownie points bagged baby...
• When we have the same pet peeves. This, obviously can only be recognised after some serious conversation but nothing beats the exhilarating feeling of saying "Oh my God, I hate (insert something) too!"
• Intelligence. Not limited to academic lane, but more like a passion that you can see in his everyday life.

What are yours?

Also, did you know that Figs are aphrodisiac?

How to talk to Little Girls

I stumbled upon a GREAT article How to Talk to Little Girls by Lisa Bloom, which encourages adults to ask little girls about ideas and books, instead of complementing their looks. Ouch. Was I being completely wrong the whole time?

from Pinterest

What do you wear to bed?

What do you wear to bed? My significant other is comfortable with boxer shorts and tee while my nephew is at the stage of wearing nothing but his pants. My sister is a die hard fan of loose nighties.

Me? As one of Marilyn Monroe's hard core admirer, I was tempted to answer with "Why, Chanel no 5, of course."

But I did not. Because I don't.

However, my 8 hours of floating around in some sort of unidentified galaxy (not playing succubus, I hope) is sacred, so I take this question seriously. I have to take a shower before switching my body off and what I am wearing in bed counts. More than the importance of bed sheet thread counts. 

Living in the island, where its heat can grill you at 32 degrees, flannel pajamas is a no go. I mostly wear washed out cotton tee and hot pants. Also, I love wearing socks when it gets cold (Bali from July to September can cool down to 23 degrees which is too cold for me). The aforementioned ensemble been working well until ELLE magazine stated clearly that a woman must have matching pajamas by the time they are 30! Technically, I am 5 years behind.

Now I am searching for these vintage cuties. I think they look effortlessly chic, sexy and comfy. And I cannot wait to sport them in the morning too while making coffee in the kitchen!

ps: Pajamas Trend (Because apparently there is such a thing) and re-posting Monroe's playful voice in this iconic campaign: Forever Marilyn and No.5

Shop Bob

New Obsession: Toast

Oh how pretty!
Have a look on their collections here: Toast- UK. I want this mustard top, this biscuit colored skirt, and of course this striped dress that looks like a match made in fashion heaven with this shoes!

Three's a Charm: On Panties, Make up, and PMS

A reader emailed me suggesting lighter and more feminine, personal topics for my posts. I thought about it for a while and let my draft hanging before discussing it with a dear friend. 

Loving the discussion, I then come up with the three topics below. 

Let's talk girly!

On Panties:

I love... ahem... lingerie shopping. When I am dating someone, the pleasure might kick up a notch but the main reason is simply because wearing cute, pretty, matching underwear makes me feel sexy, feminine and playful. Yes, funny for me saying this for I have renowned as a straight-face-b*tch. Thongs by far is my fave, as VPL is a no-no for ladies. And they make you look really good from... well, behind. Lacey is pretty too, especially if you wear matching bra, or bralette. And no, you do not have to have Alessandra Ambrosio's bod to rock that pink leopard g-string.

I have no personal memory with any of my collections but having heard of my friends' experience, most of them will throw away any lingerie that holds memory of one particular man the second they broke up. 

On a less sexier note, there's this one type of panties that most ladies would try to avoid (but maybe secretly swear by its comfort). That is... the cursed-you-better-not-be-seen-by-your-man-wearing-them period (a.k.a grandma) panties! Yes, the cotton made ,very supportive panties that gives such comfort to your bloated belly by hugging them just right during that time of the month.

I do not have any advice on what to do to historic underwear. But, here's a solution to avoid feeling horribly not sexy when you have to wear period panties: get cute prints!

What's your yay and nay on underwear? Any lingerie that's so memorable for you because of its conquest with someone? Do you talk about this with your partner?

On Make up:

Because I am nothing like any cover girl that looks adorable in their #Iwokeuplikethis instagram post, I wear make up everyday. The must items are just the basic moisturized and light BB cream by L'OCCITANE (note: always go one tone darker), dark brown eye liner, eye brow pencil, and lipstick; this pop pink peony for day time and two ton tomato red for evening wear. I only apply blush on and mascara when I feel the need to dress up, which explains why my Tarte cheek -Amazonian clay (only 26USD!) and mascara can last for about a year... bad or good?! I barely put eye-shadow as I always feel like my face is a painter's palette when I do. Any advice?

For daily routine, I just wash my face with soap. And by soap, I mean any kind of soap. And even though I keep trying to discipline myself to apply night cream before going to bed... I keep forgetting the ritual. This, is the reason why I have 3 jars of night cream in my dresser. But I drink tons of water everyday, and I do not smoke as I can see how much it will add years to your skin. So I think I am not that bad anyway.

Will I ever respond to the calling of botox when I get older? Well I hope not, but maybe I would try putting some neck cream every now and then from now on. 

On PMS.

Oh boy. How many times have you heard someone saying "Oh, it must be that time of the month." when you snap, or putting on a long face or when you're unleashing the inner monster in you. Period is just a sign of women' s body doing its function, and it involves hormones talking (sometimes raging). But girlfriends, let us stop making this as an excuse. "I am PMSing, so do not mess with me." or "I am in shark mode, so understand if I am rude."

There are certain diets and or exercise that we can practice to minimize the pain, and to make us feel less cranky, bloated and shark-like. I praise on painkillers when the cramp is unbearably bad. But let's face it, women from many generations before us did not make this as an excuse to not discover radium, or to not becoming a legendary writer (think Harper Lee who just announced her 2nd book at the age of 88). I also doubt that female astronauts whine about period cramps. And let us not mention Margaret Thatcher. 

The only time that we can make PMS as an excuse is when we want to order two desserts *wink.

It may be a wishful thinking to hope that one day no one will ever say that annoying line, but at least, for me... If I am being a b*tch to you, it's because I do not like you. Does not matter if I am shedding blood down there or not. 
Period.

Read this 7 years ago and will re read this year.

Girl's dream

Every girl's dream is to have a guy call her at 3am just to say.... Errr... Really? Dude, try waking me up at 3 am ... I will kill you...

( Please excuse my dark sense of humor)