What I am looking forward to in 2016

Instead of listing down resolutions, this year I just want to continue an approach to share about what things, events, occasions that I am looking forward to in 2016, from personal life to fashion industry, from movies to what hair style to rock, and from sports and fun and games to politics.

Here goes!

1. My project. Oh my project. The progress is being stuck with my excuses since last May but I just had creative juices jump start in my head and is ready to continue for good.
2. The long awaited Finding Dory! I was stoked when Ellen officially announced it!
3. Trip to Tanjung Puting. Was meant to leave end of November but due to the forest fire math, it has been postponed to March 2016. I am begging the Universe to make this happen. A travel and lifestyle publication have asked me to do a story on this trip and I am thinking of interviewing one of the rangers there who has been doing the most selfless job ever. Find out (and support) them via Orangutan Foundation International.
4. Aesthetic department: Do you think this bob and bangs will suit me? Also, I want to style up high waist jeans more often. Like these ladies! In colors, to rock this rad combo of camel and red. What do you think?
5. Euro Cup 2016 Baby! I still have the heart for Espana, I mean look at them the past years! They failed the World Cup 2014 which was heartbreaking but I will still be rooting for them. And the Oranje!--- Update: Their nightmare sets in as the team failed to qualify Euro Cup. #heartbreak.
6. US Presidential Elections 2016, tho it is more because I am so into the brilliant campaigns they always have. Intriguing and interesting to watch. 
7. Continue supporting animal welfare cause and ask my families to join me.
8. Another career growth. In Jesus name. Amen

And the utmost thing I am looking forward to... A better world to live in. There has been so many sad news the past year and I do not even have the heart to mention them. For those affected by world's hatred... I am sending your all the prayers to stay strong, just stay beautiful as you are and do not let those turn your back away from believing that we can still work to make good matter again.

Questioning my unfaithfulness

People keep asking me; Why animal welfare? And for years I tried being diplomatic hiding my real answers: I have a close to zero faith in humanity. 
But today, I am glad to finally question my unfaithfulness when I joined a visit to this school for  children with disability as part of my company's CSR program. Not my very first CSR for sure but you'll see why this made a significant impact. Just from the smallest "incident".

After doing some painting and general cleaning work, I escaped to the classroom with these little fellas; Bayu, Nesi, Fito, and Putu to do some drawings. Them and many more that are not in the frame taught me a lot about overcoming disabilities (Down syndrome, deaf, blind). We think their life is hard but to them, the world is a safe place, people are kind, and God is amazing. I am swelled with the way they told me about their school, the games they love and even crush!

After almost an hour chatting leisurely, Putu (boy on my right) looked me in the eyes and asked the most important question "What color do you think I should use for this roof of the house I am drawing?" As a boring adult, I told him most house roofs are brown. 
I think he was a bit disappointed because he paused before asking me again 
"But, some can be red, right?" He stuttered in all his limitations in speaking. 
"Yes, Putu... Some can be red." I smiled. Trying hard to hide my trembling voice. 

And just at that very moment, I can hear my heart whispering " Yes, Tressabel, some can be kind."
God speed.

ps: If you want to be part of their inspiring journey by sponsoring them, please contact: +62 361 771718

Restoring faith on humanity one buzzfeed at a time

The tragedy of Cecil is just one of the reason that makes me question humanity over and over again. But, ranting about it will not solve anything so I continue to do my part. Signing petitions, sound the campaign and just continue making donations that may not be big at all... but it is a step ahead from just posting a mad statement on social media.

I also stumbled upon this buzzfeed article ... and it warms my heart.
Maybe, there still is... Hope.

My fave picture below pictures my #relationshipgoal. Yes, with you.

How come how long

It was a bright shiny morning.

It may seemed I was at my healthiest condition, but then again, my hair was probably a bit more thicker. 

On paper, I seemed to be on the right track: right position, right status, right what the society expected me to be. Little did anyone know, I was only inches away from giving up. And was at the starting line to hating myself. 

Then, as if I have just listened to this song for the very first time, that one shiny morning... 
I stumbled upon an awakenings.

"Wake up, before it's too late..."

I did.
And never look back.

ps: Thank you, Kenneth Edmonds.

The Big Five

Today marks my five years in Bali. 

Arrived wounded, I let the island healed me through even more things to lose, gain, change, and sometimes mutate. My steps were wobbly at first, and I almost gave up. Almost. 

People say you lose some, you win some. That's also the case in my life; in relationships, tangible materials, friends, wealth, weight, and maybe my skin's hydration (which sadly is a loss, grrr). 

After five years, the scar remains. But I am standing far cry from the past with all that I am today. 
Today, I am saying nothing but grace for all the things that I am blessed with; 

1. I am healthier. Sure, I just got better from a three day fever. But I am healthy. It was just my body telling me that I need to slow down. In general, I am healthy. I am in search of a nice skin moisturizer now but nothing like cure for serious illness. Thank you God.

2. The house. Of course. I may not be the only single woman who bought her own house before turning 35. But since I struggled my way to be here, I feel sooooo blessed and lucky. Boy, the mortgage...oh the mortgage! I must tell you, I still cringe sometimes when I have to pay for it. Thinking about holidays that I have not take for the past years, branded bags and or shoes... or lavish brunch that I have to say "Wait/No" to. But every time I wake up in the morning, staring at my 4*3 m bedroom's ceiling, knowing that, even though it is a small house... it is mine, I am grateful.

3. My dogs Marilyn and Mahoni, my siblings, and my friends that are now my families. 

"Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit." Zechariah 4:6. To God be the glory. 

Some related posts:

Day 365 in Bali

Two years and counting

My three years in Bali
Four and going strong

ps: Next, I will post on why I decided to make this blog public again. Including the reason why I blocked it a few weeks ago. Keep reading... :-)

From Nyepi Celebration.

Heart-break

The past weeks been hard. But I wont go into details. And when I stumbled upon this picture, my sensitive soul breaks. 

This very second, I am taking a moment to pause. Just stop thinking about myself for awhile and just pray for anyone, anywhere, any human being, and or animals wherever they may be that is in need of comfort. 

May you find a friend, a glimpse of peace, faith, hope... and eventually, Love.

Source: Here

A North Korean man waves his hand as a South Korean relative weeps, following a luncheon meeting during inter-Korean temporary family reunions at Mount Kumgang resort October 31, 2010. Four hundred and thirty-six South Koreans were allowed to spend three days in North Korea to meet their 97 North Korean relatives, whom they had been separated from since the 1950-53 war.

With All I Am

Into Your hand I commit again/ With All I am For You Lord/ You hold my world in the palm of Your hand/ And I'm Yours forever...

Ps: I miss you Dad.

From Meet Joe Black.

A wit from a father to his daughter I heard maybe 15 years ago. I get it now.

"Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. I say, fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. How do you find him? Well, you forget your head, and you listen to your heart. And I'm not hearing any heart. Cause the truth is, honey, there's no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven't lived a life at all. But you have to try, cause if you haven't tried, you haven't lived. Stay open, who knows? Lightning could strike."

New Beginning

I am 45 minutes early, thanks to my early-riser habit! 

So, I am taking advantage of the smooth WiFi, very tasty coffee and the breeze to post this one.

Today is my first day working at the place that reminds me of how I started with the industry, a part of me feels like coming home... as many of the people here are long time friends and people I have known for years. Another part is feeling giddy and nervous as well as ecstatic!

Am I getting closer to where I want to be? The answer is, yes. Baby steps, but a new trail is in the making. Not a marvelous or triumphant victory, but I have won by being so sure of what I am doing, and the move I have made.

May God's grace stay within me. While I am taking one mental note on this one:

"Unicorns are everywhere. Jut waiting to be released...."

ps: Psalm 90:17 , and a song to kick this off; Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Things I want to tell my angel baby

Dear my angel baby,

I cannot change the painful-bitter fact that we did not get to know each-other and that I did not even get to see your face, or hear you laugh and sing with you

But I know we will meet eventually

And before that day, I have things to say to you. Things that maybe you already know

Sunshine is one of my favourite thing in the world. When it shines, its warmth touches you like a soft kiss from the universe.

I imagined having you on my lap and we can just shower under the rays, I will tell you stories my grandparents used to tell me, we can share ice cream if you like. My favourite flavours are; Pistachio, Hazelnut, Coffee, and a combination of them three.

We will read together, day and night. I will allow you to pick your own clothes everyday. There will be one room in the house where the walls are built for you to paint. However you like it.

Also, I am telling you, we will always have dogs. You will like their company.   

I do not like Italian food. And I always... always have a bad hand writing. I hope that does not get to you:). The handwriting, I mean.

I love the beach. And everything that it brings. Oh, how I wish I can tell you what the smell of the ocean likes, and how the waves make instrumental sound I think originally made in heaven.
Or, maybe you already knew?

There are days when I miss you so badly. I will cry and laugh at the same time. I mean, how can you miss someone you never actually met? Why is that even possible?

I bet you have a dark as the night hair. You got it from me. I am not sure on how you look like when you smile... I am aching in wonder just thinking about them.

Did I regret not having you? Angel baby... I do. I regret everything that we did not get to experience together.
I regret that I did not even have a chance to hear you cry or be there for you when your heart is broken. Regret that there will be no sleepless nights over books and movies and your endless questions about birds, and clouds and love and God.

But this bigger force that is beyond my understanding is now holding you. And somewhere in my heart I know, that is where you belong.
Until the day your eyes and mine will struck for the first and very last time.

Mutual first love, is what I am guessing to happen.
Till later.

A woman is a reflection of her man. Not.

Have you read this story that has gone mental in social media platforms?: Read here.

Some claimed that the story is not originally from the Pitt-Jolie couple. But, that is not my point of phrases here.

I would be doomed if I said never get butterflies in my tummy when a guy do sweet things for me. Oh how I love being treated like a princess. I do. And for Brad Pitt (or whoever the real person is) to do those acts in supporting the love of his life to be back on track is utterly amazing. 

However, I can only hope that "A woman is the reflection of her man." quote does not get translated and absorbed in such ways that women started to search for men that will define them. Love and support of a loving man surely can make a great impact in a woman's life. 

But, a wise lady once taught me that we should avoid searching for that first. 

Your man's being should be an addition to who you are, not a reason. A glitter to your "Not flawless but perfect." reflection, not the core of it.

So with my imperfect understanding, I should say... A woman, is a reflection of her dreams and hopes, her faith and her unbelief, her victories and her failures, her accords and her struggles... 

And only a damn good man can be part of that reflection of hers. 

All You Need is Less

How many of you have actually done this? I dare you to detach some stuffs, instead of getting more... Maybe this way, you will end up feeling even more content.

This is what I want to try to do:

Less judgment.
Less society drama.
Less hook with with social media platform.

Less self-centered mind.
Less clutter. Get rid of all those clothes I am no longer wearing since the past 6 months.
Less chats. 
Less... worry.

Immeasurably More

I asked for a little house in the middle of nowhere. Because that was what my understanding can measure and compute, based on what I think I can afford.
He gave me a beautiful home with a backyard... In Bali.

I asked for friends. He keeps giving me families.

I asked for a job that pays the bill. He gave me passion in doing it too. And some extra for me to share.

I asked so that every one of my siblings will finish college no matter how hard the situation is... Not only that He made it done, He also blessed them with jobs just right after graduation.

I prayed for forgiveness... for a break-through after my darkest times... He said "Everything is done."

I asked for a normal life, He showed me that His work is larger than ordinary, bigger than average, greater than life itself.

For a child of my own, I did ask for that too... And He gave me strength to overcome the suffer from loss and the patience to wait on His timing, because He knows that it will take more than a submissive heart and a parenting blood to raise one.
I begged for a perfect health... He gave me a chance to show gratitude in taking care of my self... to have faith in His miraculous work.

Now... I am asking for something I have never asked before. Something I never thought I need. Something I almost could never believe.

And with a pounding heart, I am telling you, I just cannot wait to see His answer.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory. — Ephesians 3:20-21.

Enough said.

If you were not afraid

If fear is nowhere to be found in my bone... This is what I am going to do: Just quit and actually write that book I have been rambling about the past 3 years.

Everybody knows how much I love my job and how proud I am of the company. But this calling is getting louder, and to fulfill that; I have to be fearless. This of course revolves around financial stability. How would I pay my house? Will the calling be as fulfilling, at one point, financial wise? Am I going to let go easily; all the perks that I am now enjoying?

Is status really does not matter to me? What about my health plan?

See?!

This can only happen if I am THAT brave... gutsy, lionhearted, and filled with flaming courage.

And, in love life? Oh gawd. This is even harder.

I will fall hopelessly in love. And be vulnerable. :)

What about you?

ps: This post is lawfully inspired by this tumblr.

I have been thinking a lot about death lately

And no, you do not have to read this post.

But it's true. I do have been thinking a lot about death these days. Not in a creepy way tho... But more about how I want the memorial day to be.

I am a woman of many beliefs, one thing for sure... I know exactly where I am going when death calls. Being just a little bit of a control freak, I do want my memorial day to be something I know I will like. 

First, I do not like the idea of laying there alone in the coffin. It seems too lonely and it seems like there's nothing there to tell. So, you will not see any cold coffin. My loved ones will put my ashes in a beautiful bronze jar and they will spread them to the ocean and let some of the dust settles with soils and sands. That way, I can still be part of you, and the things I like about earth.

No veils and overbearing black dresses. Use your favorite colors unless it's black. Dress up! You know I like fashion. Another thing I like is good food, so the catering must be really good. There has to be cake, and wine, and meat. Red meat.

Pray. Not for me but for you,  so that you will find the strength to remember the good things about me and I wish that you will someday find it beneficial for you or you even want to pay if forward to someone else. 

Do not promise that you will never forget about me cause I know, someday, in the middle of a busy week, some seconds at some good times that... you will. And that's alright. It does not mean that you do not love me enough, it just means that you have a big enough of heart to move on and to fill it with new beautiful memories that may not have me in it. And that's okay too.

And last but not least... please play some seriously good music. One of the dearest in my life will give you a whole bunch of list but I tell you some of the 'must play': Bob Dylan's To Make You Feel my Love,Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, Pearl Jam's Just Breathe and a place that I am going... Beautiful by India Arie, and Jack Johnson, James Taylor, The Beach Boys, The Beatles.

So yea, I have been thinking about death lately.

ps: I love you.

To the Brokenhearted

I was planning to phrase a long winding paragraph of whining here, about things I am now facing in life. You know, just to get it out and make my head a bit lighter. Cause apparently, a bottle of Cab Sav (yes,a  bottle) I poured last night down all the way from my throat to my belly did not seem to work.

But then, I read the news here: Philippines Typhoon. And I rest my case.

My aching heart and prayers to the people of The Philippines. May you find strength in the midst of this fear and loss and I have faith this verse will help. Amen.

Another hard sea

Here we are again, my siblings and I, at one of the hardest ordeals the five if us have to face. No details to serve here but I am telling you... I was only an inch away to actually...giving up.
Luckily, giving up is never my thing, and echoing in my mind, is this quote below. My brother was here last week, and we both try to see this problem from the most logical perspective ever,  resulting in one realization that everything that us as family have been through, it does mold us to the people we are now; an old strong soul. 

Sweethearts, each families have different hardships and problems, but hear me out, if you are holding on to one and another, not only that the raging sea will make you a skill-full sailor, it will also shape you as a decent and thankful one, that will never brag about its ship's magnificent power (like what the captain of the Titanic did).

I am putting my foot down. My first step is being logical... the next are depending on many others, but the last one is... giving one of the biggest forgiveness ever.

Pinterest

Deciding on your destiny

Recently, I encountered a... not so wanted "reunion". It took me only a Nano-second to realize how time really can heal the pain, work its spell and help you understand that... everything is meant to be.

I typed, deleted, re type a few paragraphs on this posting, biting my fingers in uncertainty that I may have written too much.

But this is what I decided to share:

When you hit rock bottom. You have nowhere else to go but... up. I heard that a gazillion times and maybe have experienced it in the count of hundreds, but at that very night... I just realized it with all my heart. 
How could I not?

You may have been deleted, banished from a so-called ring of friendship, but that's only an end result of finding true one(s). You may not be able to connect with them in a way anymore...or , you are struggling through speeches just to break the ice, you do not get their jokes, you are flustered and confused... Trust this; that's simply because you have passed that bar. You are in a different world, another level. And that is where you are meant to be.

Yes, there will always be that little piece of sweet memories about them. Things you once thought will last forever, but apparently not. But let me ask you, if you are being asked to choose, to re-create those little sweetness, or create new one with people who are now proven to be real for you... What would you pick?

Yes you have been hurt. But as you are healed, don’t you realize that the process is taking you to a place way further than where you think you could ever be?

I may have less friends, but who's left with me today are the real one(s). How can I  not be grateful? And I decided to be.

This pair of shoes I am wearing is not a designer labeled, but God has made a solid roof on top of my head. A home of my own. A result of years of hard work that may have never been accomplished if I did not stepped out of my past a few years ago, if I did not make that tough decision that has brought me to where I am today.

Those jokes don’t get me to laugh anymore, we are no longer in the same picture.

You and I particularly... are only a step away from being total strangers.

But if that's what it takes, for me to reach my fate.... I decided to letting it be.

I am here, at this very second...brought by millions of flaws and mishaps... is actually doing nothing but fulfilling my destiny.

And oh how I wish that's where you are too.

Piccsy

Two years and counting!

Last year, at this time of the month, 2 of my sisters, mom, and grandma were here in Bali for a holiday. We had some serious fun. My goofy sister Detri said that the best place she like the most is this bar that is located in a resort that I took them to. Funny enough, I just wrote  a post about a few new drinks the liquid chefs at Detri's fave bar created. Why? Oh, nothing… It’s just that I am now in charge for the PR/Communications department for that lovely… lovely place of refuge .

To have a more convenient commute from home-work-home, I moved into another place. A bit bigger and has nicer facilities, with the same price. Good for me. Privacy? Yes. Alone? Yes.  When I read an article at The New York Times about "The Freedom, and Perils of Living Alone" , I could not stop smiling.  To this day, I still have all the perks to work my way and run the clock in and around my little casa. I have been doing it since I graduated from high-school. It gives me a good enough of space to be on my own yet at the same time, it also makes my relationship with my family a lot closer. I cannot explain how that works but it does. 

The biggest part about the past 2 years is that I learned to let go of the past and move on. I did. It is so freeing to know that when you have come into an acceptance, you have a smoother path to keep going with a lighter heart. I got healed. I have a closer relationship with God than ever before. I cannot thank Him enough for showing me how much I am adored and loved, no matter what. And not even the darkest part of my life comes into the equation.  He loves me because of what He is, not because of what I have done. People admire me because of what I am giving and doing to my family , but to tell you the truth… I am nothing without them. The fact that I am blessed with the ability to do that is just one of God’s way of using me as a blessing channel and I will gladly keep doing it as long as He is on my side. Tressabel Hutasoit is just a tiny part of His master plan. (I got all teary as I typed this down…but this is true) It is hard for me to stop bragging about His love tho’ so I hope you understand.

I still dream about being a mother. I still am the same person who will cry with you during cartoon movies and keep the lights on all night long after a horror movie. Talk to me about politics; I will still roll my eyes. Ask me out for a good food; I will be-friend you for life. I am still the same person… only, happier :).  If you go to a secluded beach in the southern part of Bali, you may see me under the parasol with a magazine on my nose. 
And who knows… someday, I will have my baby and the love of my life with me.

On a lighter note; I look a lot darker now, gained a few pounds (thank you, suckling pig),I have shorter hair and a more casual-quirky look. All that fits into my way of living in a tropical island. I do not think I know how to walk on high heels anymore :)) I still listen to the same music, still read To Kill a Mockingbird cover to cover for the hundredth of time (I just love it!), still glued to festival movies and cartoons, and stays as a caffeine addict. 

Thank you for putting up with me through these times. I will keep on writing (oh, my superior at work is a brilliant journalist so I am learning a lot from her!) and keep you in the loop with big-small happenings that is worth wandering for. 

God bless.

I took this photo, exactly 2 years ago.

One Day at a Time

One legendary gospel song I remember my Grandpa Alfred used to play on his piano. A song I keep playing in my head whenever I feel like the days are so far in front of me and I cannot even see a spark of light when I am weary.

But who am I to make a premonition about what is going to happen or not? "Yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never be mine..."

So, I am taking it one day at a time, in faith, with my God. For I have done my part and will let Him do the rest.  He's going to take me to a place I know have been prepared for me. I know so :)

ps: Are you in?