Someday I Will

So true. There's just too many things and changes in my life that I do not understand lately... Some are just plainly hard to compute.
But I am no longer pushing myself to analyze things that I know is beyond my control.

This verse below is dedicated to all my brothers and sisters out there... in case you are having the same situation as I am.

Let us still rejoice Him in between our confusions and our lack of understanding today... Based on my previous experience, He never fail me.

Immeasurably More

I asked for a little house in the middle of nowhere. Because that was what my understanding can measure and compute, based on what I think I can afford.
He gave me a beautiful home with a backyard... In Bali.

I asked for friends. He keeps giving me families.

I asked for a job that pays the bill. He gave me passion in doing it too. And some extra for me to share.

I asked so that every one of my siblings will finish college no matter how hard the situation is... Not only that He made it done, He also blessed them with jobs just right after graduation.

I prayed for forgiveness... for a break-through after my darkest times... He said "Everything is done."

I asked for a normal life, He showed me that His work is larger than ordinary, bigger than average, greater than life itself.

For a child of my own, I did ask for that too... And He gave me strength to overcome the suffer from loss and the patience to wait on His timing, because He knows that it will take more than a submissive heart and a parenting blood to raise one.
I begged for a perfect health... He gave me a chance to show gratitude in taking care of my self... to have faith in His miraculous work.

Now... I am asking for something I have never asked before. Something I never thought I need. Something I almost could never believe.

And with a pounding heart, I am telling you, I just cannot wait to see His answer.

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, to Him be glory. — Ephesians 3:20-21.

Enough said.

Healing

Step 1. Reading this... 
And believing.

Proverbs 13:20

How truthful this verse is: "He who walks with a wise grows wise, but a companion of a fool suffers harm.". Proverbs 13:20.

It kinda remind us of the good old saying "Show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are." 
Yes?

How have you been with the relationship(s) you are in? Love life, marriage, friendship, families, parenthood, siblings, or even work? Do you eliminate the one(s) that are no longer fruitful for you? Or you let them hang around in the corner no matter how poisonous and rotten they can be? Do you tell the truth when you have to end it? Or, do you sometimes create"make believe" excuses and phrases?

How far can you fight? How should you know when to give up? Which one can get a second chance and which deserves a full-stop?

Big quest:
Would you rather be alone with yourself, or you need to have anyone at all even if that someone will not grow and nourish with you; mind, soul and everything that comes with it? Do you compromise with someone that will not challenge you and comfort you at the same time? Say you are doing it just because it is safe thing to do, but at some point, you know you will be walking away... So?

My soul-sister (Yes, you Nickie!) once told me that I have a fertile mind. That is one compliment I would never trade with any pick-up line in a bar! Haha... 
But it is this fertile wanderings that keep me up and I will spend countless hours thinking about it.

Can any of you share me an insight or two?

Inspiration Sunday

It has been a while indeed that I have not posting for my Inspiration Sunday feature!
Well not much to say here, as I am running out of almost everything in the house (no coffee, no long phrases), I am just sharing one beautiful quote to my ladies out there. A conversation with a friend a few days ago reminded me how amazing God is and how hopeless I know I will be if I keep convincing myself I can do things on my own. 

Happy Sunday and God bless you all.

I have been thinking a lot about death lately

And no, you do not have to read this post.

But it's true. I do have been thinking a lot about death these days. Not in a creepy way tho... But more about how I want the memorial day to be.

I am a woman of many beliefs, one thing for sure... I know exactly where I am going when death calls. Being just a little bit of a control freak, I do want my memorial day to be something I know I will like. 

First, I do not like the idea of laying there alone in the coffin. It seems too lonely and it seems like there's nothing there to tell. So, you will not see any cold coffin. My loved ones will put my ashes in a beautiful bronze jar and they will spread them to the ocean and let some of the dust settles with soils and sands. That way, I can still be part of you, and the things I like about earth.

No veils and overbearing black dresses. Use your favorite colors unless it's black. Dress up! You know I like fashion. Another thing I like is good food, so the catering must be really good. There has to be cake, and wine, and meat. Red meat.

Pray. Not for me but for you,  so that you will find the strength to remember the good things about me and I wish that you will someday find it beneficial for you or you even want to pay if forward to someone else. 

Do not promise that you will never forget about me cause I know, someday, in the middle of a busy week, some seconds at some good times that... you will. And that's alright. It does not mean that you do not love me enough, it just means that you have a big enough of heart to move on and to fill it with new beautiful memories that may not have me in it. And that's okay too.

And last but not least... please play some seriously good music. One of the dearest in my life will give you a whole bunch of list but I tell you some of the 'must play': Bob Dylan's To Make You Feel my Love,Iris by Goo Goo Dolls, Pearl Jam's Just Breathe and a place that I am going... Beautiful by India Arie, and Jack Johnson, James Taylor, The Beach Boys, The Beatles.

So yea, I have been thinking about death lately.

ps: I love you.

Worry Not

Can jotting you worries down work like an elixir to an aching pain? It does to me. So here I am, dishing them out:

Health. Like worrying to the limit I cant stop thinking about it and over researching about this stuff...
Money. In the sense of calculating my age and what should I have laying around and in what year I can reach certain numbers. In the sense of being afraid of not being able to really taking care of people I love.
My Mama. But I cannot tell you why.
This ticking biological clock.
My work. My work. That project.
Safety. I still check my doors and windows for like a dozen of times before going to bed. And I  know I have three alarming dogs and one of them is a true guard!

I need to remind myself over and over again about this verse tho.
And I know... He is right.

Any worries you feel like dumping?

Saying Images

Ephesians

Just what I need to hear. Again.

Saying Images

Three's a Charm; Three Years in Bali

You and I both knows, time flies. Like in a speed of a bullet.

And without me realizing it, this week marks my 3rd year of living in Bali with its hundredth of gods. Surprise, surprise, #3 is one of my favorite number, next to #7. So without further ado,  here's me trying to wrap my three years in three highlights.

Note: This post may sound spiritual, so if you are one of those half-hearten man (which is fine by me), you can skip it.

Generally, I am a healthy person and been blessed with it. I do not smoke, I always have a good metabolism and my drinking nights are becoming less and less and even getting close to nothing... But, I got seriously sick at the end of last year. To talk about the details of what causing it is not my idea of a paragraph here, but what I want to share is that I did have a near-death experience. Yes. I lost too many blood and... one day early in the morning as I was laying in my bed for recovery, I was slipping away from my body as my feet started to get very very cold... the cold and shivers went up to my upper body and everything gets dark. So that was my first (and oh God please make it the last) ambulance experience, and my anxious drama of being one blood transfusion patient. If the ambulance arrived another minute too late, you would not be reading this:).
People say I appeared to be strong at that time, but little did anyone else know that it freaked me out to the smallest nerves in my body. Today, as cliche as it sounds, I am embracing life and health even-more. There's nothing I fear about death...to be honest. But to depart without knowing whether or not you have fulfilled your destiny? I do not think I am there yet, so maybe I am given another chance.

With a crystal clear memory, I remember, on my first year, My strong, dutch-influenced Grandma made a comment about my kost (boarding house), "Well, this room is fancy. I bet you would only need to add just a little amount of money to pay for a mortgage every month, and the house can be yours. What you are doing for convenience now is just making someone else rich. And that someone is obviously not you."

Today, as I officially am a house owner, I have to admit that it was my grandma who have made a push to my longtime dream. I now have to work twice as hard with the mortgage, but I know if God took me this far already, He shall never abandon me. Amen.

And last. Here's something I have been trying not to mention as often... I want to be a mother someday. For it not to happen in my 3 years in Bali obviously is part of the plan on how I have got this far, but still, the question remains. Last week, I was watching my dogs  as they were falling fast asleep on my bedroom floor. There was this aching feeling inside, realizing how much I love them! And it got into me... If I can have this crazy feeling about dogs, what am I going to feel about my own child, my flesh and blood? What it feels like to love someone more than your very self? To have a gut-wrenching and full-to-the rim feeling of wanting to make sure they are all alright? You know, even typing this down make my heart hurts:'). Bali surrounds me with its magical charm and enchanting charisma the past three years, it also has introduced me with friends who are wonderful parents. I sometimes get jealous of them, there goes another confession... But if I have to wait for even three more years before I can smell that baby's breath under my nose... as long as it will happen under Your will, God. I shall wait.

Pinterest

Isaiah

The past months been super tough, and honestly, I was waiting on something that could make at least one of my worries fade. There are things in life I have been carrying around, and no matter how strong I may appear, I can stumble too. So, feeling weary and worry, stressed out and tangled up... I walked home from work and I decided to just be with my mind and read a few verses from the Bible.

You do not have to believe me but as soon as my heart says Amen, I got that call. With a news that's lifting me up so high it makes me want to cry!

I cannot really tell you what it is tho. But it is related with my family's future.

What I am sharing here is that... at one point, one junction, one cliff-edge; you will realize how vulnerable you are, how nothing but Grace can take you where you are today. At least, that's what I am feeling. I am gathering every bits of strength that I have left and giving them all for Him to restore.

I am letting Him to prepare me to soar.

GodInspiresMe

1 Kings 20:5

This verse is very soothing for me... My healing process is making me realize how precious our health is and how no matter how strong you think you are, it is always good to know that you are allowed to nestle under God's healing arms whenever you need to.

Thank you God. 

Inspiration Sunday : I can see!

Thank you for letting me see things beyond my understanding. Thank you thinking of me as a to die for. For chastising me. For having faith in me when I almost cannot believe in myself. For teaching me how to have faith in other people...for standing beside me when the road is dark and narrow. 

Thank You, for enabling me to see the tiniest light at the end of the tunnel, even when the world is at a hesitation.

May my vision, hearing and action will always be guided by You.

ps: Happy Sunday beautiful people!

Inspiration Sunday: Emergency Numbers

Oh how things we have planned can go the other way round, can take super slow lane when you feel that you are out of time. How you think you can handle everything but apparently, you cannot? (No surprise there heh?).

Never I want to push God under anyone's throat...But you know what, even when people might see me as a one strong faithful lady, I have my moments of fear to...I event lament sometimes in my prayer.

But, I am blessed enough to be bestowed by His grace so I always know who to call, where to turn my head to :)

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Inspiration Sunday: Bible Calendar

Inspiration Sunday:

This is the verse I quoted on my thesis. So very true. 

In a way, this inspire me to write more about His never ending love and majestic grace... Have a lovely Sunday sweethearts. God speed.

from here

All things

Note to my friend Eric. You can do this.

( and also, a self reminder)

from typographicverses

Fear not

By no means to make this too personal, tho I cannot tell you the reason... I have to say that I am nearly suffocated by fears and worries now. But,  stumbling upon this words... :) I am now in a solemn still. Feel free to use the power of His words, sweethearts. I know I am doing it. 

Thanks Isaac!

D-4: About me

From Lightbulb

D-5: About my Father

Note to self. Counting down to a bright and shinning 2012 :)

From Quotes

Praiseworthy Phil 4:8