I really do

For years, I never prayed about this particular part of my life. Life partner, and... if we want to be more specific here, a life partner in a God centered relationship.

No one can really ask me why, as I will shrug it off lightly as I move forward. And I was not being dishonest. I was always thinking of that matter lightly. 

However, I continue to pray that God will cultivate me. My heart, mind, habits. Following the path He has prepared for me. Not easy. But I keep going. 

With so many changes especially the past two years, I've never been this certain of my existence. Pandemic or not, broke or wealthy, I am where I am intended to be, I am who I am sculptured to be.

I turned forty last January. On that very day, I finally talked to Him about it. How I have this sweet yet aching longing about fulfilling another purpose. A purpose I am somehow certain of, is in the store for me. "If you think I will do better in fulfilling my purpose by uniting with someone (of Your choice), thy will be done."

Now, if you have been reading my posts since the beginning, you might have a slight idea of who I am. How I can be particular (if not peculiar) with what I want. Books, music, food, clothes. Men? Yes, that too. So I cannot say I am not frightened because truth is... I am. 

That rugged-nerdy-handsome look but knows how to dress properly? Sure that is still on the list. And I believe in my list! Literate? Yes, THAT is non negotiable. We need to be intellectually intertwined, not just about trends, books, social issues, and or politics. It is also about the Holy Bible, about God's words, about who He is and what He wants from that person as a man, individually, and as a man if he were to be my lifetime partner. Someone I naturally respect and love at the same time because I just see it in him. 

What kind of a father will he be? I have my views on that too. Someone who is not afraid of showing tough love when needed but so gentle he would dress up in pink tutus if our daughter (or son) wants to have him dress as a princess who came to a tea party. 

A dad who would protect but gentle, provide but also allowing me to contribute. A lover, but also, a long time friend...