For me, it has always been (and is) about when I feel a gentle kick in my gut, that I have started being vulnerable. My autopilot defence mechanism will tell me to: stop. "You should never accept help." "This too will end badly."
This is the loudest one; "You are going to get hurt."
Of course, I have learned that vulnerability is a key ingredient in creating healthy, fulfilling relationship. I understand the whys, I even heard stories about how couples are getting solid foundation from being open about their fears and or worries. Because contrary to what the world believes, vulnerability, is actually a measure of strength and courage, not weakness.
But when it comes to actually being vulnerable in real life, I struggle my wobbly ways forward. How do I do that?
Especially, how do one who have been through most things alone able to say "I need help.", "Will you take care of me?". Or simply saying "Can you pick me up at the airport, please?"
With this pandemic lurking, messing with our every plans, collapsing the world, I am cornered to feeling depressed from time to time. There are significant albeit painful changes that my family must face, some are even exposed to the virus. Like normal humans, I cannot always roll with the punches.
I am slowly learning to lean in, to accepting help and support. Into believing that God has more in store when it comes to love and life.
I hope, you are being patient with me.
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