In search of a chaotic mind remedy

The first two months of 2024 have been a comedy of mishaps in our household. 

I have no details to dispense, but I am here to let you know that it's okay to take a break and lament for a while. 

What I am trying to do now is to look around just within my arm's distance. Look at something I like, someone I love, and take a deep breath. It's that cliché  mantra; "Not everyone has what you have."  

But I cannot say that it will always work its magic. I wish. What's going on in my mind now is a twister of chaotic worry, anger, and sadness snowballing with no ends to be seen.

Have you been in this situation? Have you tried my method, or do you have another trick to handle it?

Zara Picken's illustrates it well here.

Illustration by Zara Picken

Talk a little nicer

to yourself...

Isn't that a simple yet powerful thing to do? How often do we actually do it? Or have we done it ever?

With the Indonesian Presidential Election coming (two more sleep, eeeeeks!), the media platforms have been flooded with news about all three candidates and their vices. Sadly, thanks to social media and its bullet-like speed, so much of the news is either hoaxed or heavily edited to benefit a certain party. They all had a fair share of doing this practice!

Then there's the heartbreaking genocide, the constant domestic abuse and crime news, and more... and more. 

I admit, I have been consuming them all more than I should and it has taken its toll on my sanity. There's this weighing amount of anger, anxiety, and agitation in me and I just do not like the person that I am becoming. So I am pressing a pause button on social media for a few days and see how it goes.

Have you ever taken such an approach? A much-deserved break from the world that does not stop talking just so that you can hear yourself better and talk to yourself nicer?

Did it work?

A Better Way to Thrift

It has been a minute since I last talked about fashion. I am surprised that I do not write about it often, while it's one of my biggest passions. 

So here's a pop quiz to start the week:

Thrifting, yay or nay?

If you remember my post about Conscious Fashion and our wedding theme;

A Conscious Love Story, you'll know I will forever vouch for thrifting and trying to minimize shopping from fast fashion brands. 

I am not 100% there yet, hence this topic. 

I recently learned a few things:

1. Here in Indonesia, we have somehow exported second-hand clothes from countries like Korea and China to then be sold on the thrift market. Not sustainable after all isn't it?
2. Knowing the source is the key to sustainable fashion. Now that I question my first method, I try to buy second items from familiar communities friends, and families
3. Cost per wear is easily overlooked, but prioritizing quality can get you there. The more often (and longer) you wear the piece, the lower the cost is
4. Here's a trick to make your fashion items worth more: When you're eyeing a particular item (jeans, blouse, jacket, anything), try to think of at least three styles that you can rock in it. Picture your wardrobe and scan through it with your mind if you already have something similar (chances are, you do). After that, think of at least three items you can pair with the new item. Not two, but three. Got it? If yes, then you can go to the cashier
5. Organise a garage sale with your group of friends, book club, or church friends? Making "clothes swap" a birthday theme is also a way to make birthdays feel more priceless. 

Illustration by Grace Farris

Sticky Notes from Dogs

If your dogs could leave you sticky notes, what would it say? 

This illustration by Grace Farris got me beaming! I can imagine it would be Marilyn who wrote: "A new day! How great is that." 

But instead of saying this every morning, Marilyn would feel this way every time she came back from a seizure. It is bittersweet to see her condition these days, but we are holding on to the good ones. 

If you are reading this, I hope you are being gentle to yourself and the people around you. 

The world needs more of that, and it can come from us. 

by Grace Farris

The waiting room

by Ponomariova_Maria

To the woman holding back her tears behind closed doors

To the ones squalling with fury and those who have yet to hold another stick that says: "It is a no."

A deep breath and a tight hug

To the ones waiting and those who, with all their hearts, are convinced it is time for a different plan, a pivot, or a full-stop
To the big-dark-eyed ones trying to look away as she spotted another woman's glow 
Here’s a smile that signs “I do that too.”

To those who've collected children's books for years hoping that someday, on a perfect day, she gets to read them together with someone she's been waiting for
someone small, all smiles, and smells so sweet, someone uniquely part of her and her loved one
A limerick and a song or two 

To all of you out there
I am here, shelving another hardcover classic and saying that I am thinking about you.

Sahabat Pena Maria

 

By Six Missing

Dari pelosok dusunnya di jalur khatulistiwa
Yang kenyang janji-janji penguasa
Yang listriknya dulu sekali pernah “byar” lalu “pet” lagi
Yang perjalanan ke sekolahnya harus menyebrangi kali
Maria menantikan sepeda ontel yang seharusnya,
saban lima pekan tiba

Ada beberapa surat untuk warga dan kalau beruntung, ada juga yang mendapat kiriman sekaleng biskuit dari kota

Biasanya dibawa si Bapak yang usianya tak lagi muda itu

"Mungkin sungainya meluap."
Mungkin sepedanya rusak."
"Atau kantor pos kembali rumbuh atapnya."
Tebak-tebak Nini’ yang mulai iba melihat penantian cucunya yang tak usai jua

“Harusnya Maryam sudah membalas suratku dari dua bulan lalu.” tukas Maria 
Teringat Ia isi surat pertama mereka yang mensukuri kemiripan nama keduanya
Maria dan Maryam
Pada susunan kalimat tak sempurna dalam bahasa yang keduanya sedang pelajari
Pada persahabatan yang dimulai dari kerabat dusun sebelah, yang bapaknya pernah dinas di luar negri

“Memang dari mana sahabat penamu yang ini?” Nini’ bertanya

“Nama negaranya Palestina, Ni’.” Maria menjawab seraya tetap menjurusi pandangannya ke ujung jalan

Nenek, yang buta huruf karena tak pernah ke sekolah sejak bangsa ini merdeka, 
mengangguk-angguk saja

Sudah kembali fokusnya menyalakan sumbu pelita
Supaya malamnya tak terlalu gulita

Bersama cucu kesayangan satu-satunya

(Oleh TBH- Januari 2024)

Surat dari Janda

 

Ilustrasi dari Google

Pertama-tama, jangan kau tunjukkan ke sembarang orang suratku ini. Nanti kau dihakimi. Aku hanya perlu sejenak bercerita. Namaku… sering terselip di bisikan para tetangga. Di antara tembok-tembok tipis pembatas dan tali jemuran rafia yang nyaris putus. Pasti pernah kau dengar sesekali. 

Aku juga sering disebut di berbagai kitab suci karena harus diberi belas kasihan, kalau perlu dinafkahi. Namaku yang kadang terasa getir ini kerap bersisian dengan si Endang, Jefta, Mira, dan Sari yang punya sebutan anak yatim. Namun, skenarionya cukup membuatku mengernyit.
 
Ini yang kudengar kemarin.
 
“Hati-hati, jaga suami kamu. Itu, tetanggamu yang baru, janda!” cibir ibu berambut merah di rumah nomor 2A. Ibu itu sepertinya tidak sempat membaca, para rasul di rumah ibadat mula-mula bahkan menyusun cara agar bisa membantu kaumku yang jadi materi gunjingan ini.

“Janda yang perlu dibantu yang tua saja!” kata teman si ibu rambut merah, saat ada yang mengusiknya soal hal tadi.
Kalau dia, tinggal di rumah 3C, warna hijau. Rumahnya yang hijau, bukan rambutnya. Jadi, mungkin, yang muda harus dihindari. Sepakat mereka.

Diberi label menyedihkan, dan sedikit taburan aura haram, apalagi kalau seorang janda cerai sepertiku.
 
Ada janda lain selain aku. Aminah, janda usia 25 yang buka usaha makanan.
Setelah lama menabung laba, dibelinya kalung emas sekian gram. Bagus emasnya itu. Aku pernah ditunjukkannya.
 
“Dikasih laki orang kali…,” kata salah satu mantan pelanggan yang berhenti karena takut suaminya kepincut jampi-jampi di makanan katering Aminah. Padahal, pakai mecin saja tidak si Aminah.
 
Di tengah gemerlap megapolitan, nasib Lina tak jauh berbeda. Kawanku dari kecil itu jatuh cinta pada rekan sekantor. Namun, cinta mereka cukup sampai kencan-kencan picisan. Karena si lelaki bujang. Orang tuanya tak suka kalau anak mereka dapat janda. Apalagi, buntutnya Lina sudah beranjak remaja.
 
Surat yang kau baca ini adalah untuk berbagi, bahwa buat kami, stigma terlanjur melekat.
Tidak ada yang sempat menanyakan cerita kami. Kamu juga tidak. Skenario hidup terlanjur jadi kudapan sedap. Tanpa ada yang merasa perlu sekadar berandai, apa alasan kami memilih nama ini.
 
Walau sebenarnya, bukan urusan siapa pun juga.
 
Akan tetapi, aku, Aminah, Linda sudah nyaris biasa. Telinga kami tak lagi panas saat mendengar guyonan macam itu. Mata kami tak lagi nanar saat membaca guratan di belakang truk lintas pulau, atau bahkan status media sosial.

Oh, pernah juga namaku muncul di lirik lagu dangdut modern, yang katanya, perempuan semacam aku ini tinggal di Pulo Gebang.
 Sesekali, panggilan ini jadi nama merek dagang, biasanya soto atau sop pinggir jalan.
Semoga laku. Doaku untuk mereka. Untukmu.
 
Doakan juga, supaya akan ada masanya nanti, usaha yang sedang kurintis, melahirkan perempuan-perempuan yang mampu berdiri sendiri. Tanpa risau akan gelar yang diberi masyarakat.
Lalu, anak-anakku lelaki dan perempuan akan tumbuh besar, mengambil peran supaya stigma tak lagi ada.
Jadi manusia penuh welas asih yang jatuh cinta pada hati, dan tak gemetar mundur karena status demikian.
Mungkin bisa jadi karib anakmu?
Besok, akan kuajak ibu berambut merah di 2A dan karibnya yang di rumah 3C untuk bersantap bersama. Sekadar saling bertukar cerita.
Kira-kira… kamu mau ikut?

Kusudahi dulu surat ini. Telinga harus kututup bantal sedikit. Karena tembok yang tipis, masih saja mengantarkan suara bisik-bisik yang membuat hati geli. Walau sedikit.

Kutunggu jawabanmu, ya. Soal makan-makan tadi.