A Woman of God in the making

So here we are, on the egg-shell-like last day of 2020. The so called social media handles are flooded with both jokes and positivity about what is coming. Of course, all related to the one thing that has collapsed the world.

I won't even mention the word here. It, has got enough exposure. This last post in December will be a short one, about how I personally have been reminded of what God wants from me. If you're feeling a bit spiritual, you may want to listen to Pastor Rick Warren's sermon about dark days that we've clutched and how the light of Jesus can guide our nearly blinded eyes. Take a look at it The Light of Jesus for Your Dark Days. 

Dates are man made, we all know that. But maybe, it gives it the perfect excuse to ask for His guidance everyday, especially today. On the last day of 2020.

As for me, I am letting him to cultivate me to be this kind of woman...

On Living Alone

So here's a low blow quote that I just read:
"If there's anything worse than a woman living alone, it's a woman saying she likes it." Thelma Ritter.
(Read below)

BuzzFeed, obvi.

Do you want to have children?

"Yes, of course."

Ruth Orkin

Like a girl

Have you ever seen this campaign: Like a Girl
While I am trying so hard to not give up on bootcamp, I have been watching it over and over again the past days... 

And here's another version that I think you might like: Unstoppable

Things my divorce taught me.

A dear friend is going through a divorce at this moment. So, based on her request, I am re-posting this piece from a year ago.

This post is not a mellow one. It is a written assurance of how thankful I am now. For my divorce (4 years ago)- now 5, has taught me a lot that I am willing to share here, with no intention at all to pry.
One thing for sure, divorce taught you a lot about life, love, your friendship, family, and your vision about relationship(s). 
But foremost, it taught you a lot about yourself. 

Here goes.

1. It is okay to change your mind. Obviously. Tho in my case, it may seem like I have registered for a swimming club to just then finding out that I am allergic to chlorine... But, really... why would you risk getting all those skin rashes anyway?

• You will have this super power to listen to your heart more attentively. You will finally understand that you are not that much of a coward anyway, because you are not afraid to take chances and embrace changes. Even though it hurts you to the bone.
• Bitter truth lesson: Love, apparently, in a contrary of what The Beatles keep telling us in "All you need is Love" is, not the only thing you need. 
• Prioritizing battles is one skill I never thought I have. Now I know that I can do that. It may seems like an act of ignorance, but there are things that does not deserve a glance of a headache and there are things that deserve my blood-shed battle. My divorce taught me to differentiate those. 
• Some people can give you "that look" when you tell them you are divorced. That "Oh, sorry, you will find a better one someday" look (As if they think they know that's all that you are looking forward to in life!). Some sad people will be suspicious that you would want to eat every available-not available man that is breathing (including theirs!) Neither of those ideas that I care about.
• There are also people who think they know what's best for you and aren't afraid to make pointy judgment to hurt you and make you feel guilty. Do they mean it? I do not know. But  lucky for me, it is my very own family that once told me this at the beginning of my divorce trials: "You can't worry about what everyone else thinks."
• You will learn to understand that healing may take time. And trust... no surprise here; takes longer to re-build. And no need to rush. But admitting this is half the battle. I am getting there, in my timid baby steps.
• The continuous self-discovery after divorce roams in and around all aspects of my life, including sex. You will feel more empowered and confident since you started to see it as more of a need and can be separated from emotional attachments, if you like. Or, there can be some in it, there can be a lot. It is up to you. BUT Get to know your body and do things the healthy way! Self love is recommended. Vibrator, ladies, is a healthy option too!
• It makes you less judgmental. It folds you to be super critical towards men. Again, do not feel guilty about ditching someone just because he did not open the door for you (or because he does not read a lot of books, or has no health insurance, or not wearing nice shoes, does not like dogs!) 
• On a heavier note, it did change how I see religion. But it does not change the way God loves me and it makes me love Him even more. 
• Wolfing dinner by the sink is not a sin. So does gulping over a bottle of red (alone!) when you feel like casual dating is just a "meh" idea.
• You will be struck in an awe realizing that you can forgive. I did that. And it is very liberating.
• There will be skills and passions of you that are suddenly blooming. Simply because you have time to care more about yourself, your career, your potential. You will wake up one day feeling thankful for the roof upon your head that you actually built, or for that designer label hand bag you bought for yourself, or even maybe... for that handsome man next to you that you do not know his name of. 
• If you really ask yourself, and really-really answer, you know, that you still believe in falling in love again. And last one...
• You will burn, destroy, erase the things that are not you.

Ps: You asked me what to do first? This below:

How come how long

It was a bright shiny morning.

It may seemed I was at my healthiest condition, but then again, my hair was probably a bit more thicker. 

On paper, I seemed to be on the right track: right position, right status, right what the society expected me to be. Little did anyone know, I was only inches away from giving up. And was at the starting line to hating myself. 

Then, as if I have just listened to this song for the very first time, that one shiny morning... 
I stumbled upon an awakenings.

"Wake up, before it's too late..."

I did.
And never looked back.

ps: Thank you, Kenneth Edmonds.

Beauty secrets

Girl talk mode.

My fellow beautiful readers, as I am starting to worry about my freckles and lines, I want to ask... do you have any beauty weapon(s) that you have been religiously using? Like, your favorite powder, blusher, foundation or maybe a night cream? Do you have a beauty and or fashion idol? Or, you go the instant way by covering your selfies with excessive filter before posting them online?

Let us find out and share more on this girly post!
(ps: Click read more at the bottom of this picture to continue reading as I just found out about this page break *duh)

From Pinterest

The Big Five

Today marks my five years in Bali. 

Arrived wounded, I let the island healed me through even more things to lose, gain, change, and sometimes mutate. My steps were wobbly at first, and I almost gave up. Almost. 

People say you lose some, you win some. That's also the case in my life; in relationships, tangible materials, friends, wealth, weight, and maybe my skin's hydration (which sadly is a loss, grrr). 

After five years, the scar remains. But I am standing far cry from the past with all that I am today. 
Today, I am saying nothing but grace for all the things that I am blessed with; 

1. I am healthier. Sure, I just got better from a three day fever. But I am healthy. It was just my body telling me that I need to slow down. In general, I am healthy. I am in search of a nice skin moisturizer now but nothing like cure for serious illness. Thank you God.

2. The house. Of course. I may not be the only single woman who bought her own house before turning 35. But since I struggled my way to be here, I feel sooooo blessed and lucky. Boy, the mortgage...oh the mortgage! I must tell you, I still cringe sometimes when I have to pay for it. Thinking about holidays that I have not take for the past years, branded bags and or shoes... or lavish brunch that I have to say "Wait/No" to. But every time I wake up in the morning, staring at my 4*3 m bedroom's ceiling, knowing that, even though it is a small house... it is mine, I am grateful.

3. My dogs Marilyn and Mahoni, my siblings, and my friends that are now my families. 

"Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit." Zechariah 4:6. To God be the glory. 

Some related posts:

Day 365 in Bali

Two years and counting

My three years in Bali
Four and going strong

ps: Next, I will post on why I decided to make this blog public again. Including the reason why I blocked it a few weeks ago. Keep reading... :-)

From Nyepi Celebration.

Three's a Charm: On Panties, Make up, and PMS

A reader emailed me suggesting lighter and more feminine, personal topics for my posts. I thought about it for a while and let my draft hanging before discussing it with a dear friend. 

Loving the discussion, I then come up with the three topics below. 

Let's talk girly!

On Panties:

I love... ahem... lingerie shopping. When I am dating someone, the pleasure might kick up a notch but the main reason is simply because wearing cute, pretty, matching underwear makes me feel sexy, feminine and playful. Yes, funny for me saying this for I have renowned as a straight-face-b*tch. Thongs by far is my fave, as VPL is a no-no for ladies. And they make you look really good from... well, behind. Lacey is pretty too, especially if you wear matching bra, or bralette. And no, you do not have to have Alessandra Ambrosio's bod to rock that pink leopard g-string.

I have no personal memory with any of my collections but having heard of my friends' experience, most of them will throw away any lingerie that holds memory of one particular man the second they broke up. 

On a less sexier note, there's this one type of panties that most ladies would try to avoid (but maybe secretly swear by its comfort). That is... the cursed-you-better-not-be-seen-by-your-man-wearing-them period (a.k.a grandma) panties! Yes, the cotton made ,very supportive panties that gives such comfort to your bloated belly by hugging them just right during that time of the month.

I do not have any advice on what to do to historic underwear. But, here's a solution to avoid feeling horribly not sexy when you have to wear period panties: get cute prints!

What's your yay and nay on underwear? Any lingerie that's so memorable for you because of its conquest with someone? Do you talk about this with your partner?

On Make up:

Because I am nothing like any cover girl that looks adorable in their #Iwokeuplikethis instagram post, I wear make up everyday. The must items are just the basic moisturized and light BB cream by L'OCCITANE (note: always go one tone darker), dark brown eye liner, eye brow pencil, and lipstick; this pop pink peony for day time and two ton tomato red for evening wear. I only apply blush on and mascara when I feel the need to dress up, which explains why my Tarte cheek -Amazonian clay (only 26USD!) and mascara can last for about a year... bad or good?! I barely put eye-shadow as I always feel like my face is a painter's palette when I do. Any advice?

For daily routine, I just wash my face with soap. And by soap, I mean any kind of soap. And even though I keep trying to discipline myself to apply night cream before going to bed... I keep forgetting the ritual. This, is the reason why I have 3 jars of night cream in my dresser. But I drink tons of water everyday, and I do not smoke as I can see how much it will add years to your skin. So I think I am not that bad anyway.

Will I ever respond to the calling of botox when I get older? Well I hope not, but maybe I would try putting some neck cream every now and then from now on. 

On PMS.

Oh boy. How many times have you heard someone saying "Oh, it must be that time of the month." when you snap, or putting on a long face or when you're unleashing the inner monster in you. Period is just a sign of women' s body doing its function, and it involves hormones talking (sometimes raging). But girlfriends, let us stop making this as an excuse. "I am PMSing, so do not mess with me." or "I am in shark mode, so understand if I am rude."

There are certain diets and or exercise that we can practice to minimize the pain, and to make us feel less cranky, bloated and shark-like. I praise on painkillers when the cramp is unbearably bad. But let's face it, women from many generations before us did not make this as an excuse to not discover radium, or to not becoming a legendary writer (think Harper Lee who just announced her 2nd book at the age of 88). I also doubt that female astronauts whine about period cramps. And let us not mention Margaret Thatcher. 

The only time that we can make PMS as an excuse is when we want to order two desserts *wink.

It may be a wishful thinking to hope that one day no one will ever say that annoying line, but at least, for me... If I am being a b*tch to you, it's because I do not like you. Does not matter if I am shedding blood down there or not. 
Period.

Read this 7 years ago and will re read this year.

Women's Ideal Body Types Throughout History

Apple bosom, pear shape, or skinny legs. Curvy, hour glass, flat chested, slim waist.

You are beautiful.

In the kids world women do not get hit

"Why? Cause I am a man!"

We just have very different values

She said. When I questioned her acceptance, tolerance and compromise in being treated like a less of a woman that she is.

I agree. We must have different values. 

But when you have time, or when you managed to travel to today from the 1950's,  we may want to discuss why your values don't favor overall respect for women.

A Woman that You Are

I simply think this is a heart moving picture.

This post is blogged under the influence of unresolved anger and to remind myself and all my my sisters and girlfriends out there about how amazing it is to be a woman.

ps: More beautiful frames. I love them all, but most; the basketball girl in tutu dress, the ice hockey girl, and mama writer with baby boy and her significant other.

Oh, have you signed this petition?

Indonesian Female Police Recruits subjected to Virginity test

I am not kidding.
And I could not believe that I have missed this.

While am jotting this with shaky fingers, I am waiting for my friend who works in a major newspaper publication in Indonesia to get back to me with more details and if he can give me any kind of petition or forums to sound my opinion.

My beloved Tanah Air... people have gone to the moon and back, land on comets and recycling 99% of their trash (kudos, Sweden), yet here we are... objectifying women instead of supporting their dreams. 

This is not OK: Indonesia police recruits virginity test. 

Sign the petition here, I know... I know we cannot guarantee how fast is this going to be fixed, or if it ever will be. But, if we do not do anything then nothing will happen...
Petition to stop virginity exam.

Pinterest

A woman is a reflection of her man. Not.

Have you read this story that has gone mental in social media platforms?: Read here.

Some claimed that the story is not originally from the Pitt-Jolie couple. But, that is not my point of phrases here.

I would be doomed if I said never get butterflies in my tummy when a guy do sweet things for me. Oh how I love being treated like a princess. I do. And for Brad Pitt (or whoever the real person is) to do those acts in supporting the love of his life to be back on track is utterly amazing. 

However, I can only hope that "A woman is the reflection of her man." quote does not get translated and absorbed in such ways that women started to search for men that will define them. Love and support of a loving man surely can make a great impact in a woman's life. 

But, a wise lady once taught me that we should avoid searching for that first. 

Your man's being should be an addition to who you are, not a reason. A glitter to your "Not flawless but perfect." reflection, not the core of it.

So with my imperfect understanding, I should say... A woman, is a reflection of her dreams and hopes, her faith and her unbelief, her victories and her failures, her accords and her struggles... 

And only a damn good man can be part of that reflection of hers. 

Strong Woman

This is to celebrate my 4th year being a Balinese.
May His blessings always be with me.
Amen.

Intimidate much?

Well I never felt that way before... but my best girlfriends (and some guy friends!) starting to nudge this out of me!

So, I can come across as intimidating to the guy that I am with. Not to friends nor colleagues because I pretty much let my hair down when I am with them. But relationships get me nervous and I always put one shield before another to protect myself from getting hurt. The best way to do that is to be... cocky, bossy and to be "Miss-I-always-have-an-opinion-about-anything", or as my best friend Ria would say"Miss-Whoever-You-are".

Guilty. I do that to any guy that I was with.

I am not here to speak for all the ladies with this post, obviously... But just in case you are the type that will not enjoy being too close to an intimidating lady, I will give you a hint or two to recognise them instantly.

These are their (or, my species) symptoms and I am taking the liberty to use the word "we"

• We will always have an opinion about something. And the deeper we are in disagreement, the more we will enjoy it. It does not matter who will win the argument (oh yes, we look for one), we just enjoy being stimulated that way
• There will never be a day in which we say "Up to you." when a guy asked where to go for dinner. Isn't that why you asked? To get our answer? The closest thing I do to being submissive is to narrow down the option by saying this "Well. I am down with almost anything but NOT restaurant A, B or X..." 
• When we feel like it took the guy ages to pick what he wants from the menu, we will fearlessly make suggestions as in telling you what to order exactly. Not every guy appreciates that... apparently. 
• We will say bluntly if we like you or if what you did make us feel special. But we will also look you in the eyes and say "I do not like what you just said/did...". You do not have to fish for compliments nor a complaint
• If you show respect to your parents, elderly and a waiter, we will praise you for that.
• When we say "I will support you." we mean it with all our heart. Same goes when we say "You are amazing." We mean that
• Taking notes on chivalry gestures is one of our specialties. So yes, we did notice when you wait to take the first bite of your meal after we have ours. Thank you for that.
• We will make sharp feedback if you asked us about work, personal life, or a football match. And we can be soft-spoken about it... but sometimes, maybe... we forget. Not that we do not appreciate you, but it feels enthralling to know that someone that we like and or love wants to know what is on our mind
• This is my personal biggest sin: Around a month after my wedding, I got invited to a dinner event in which my assistant RSVPd with my name that she changed with liberty to my then husband's last name. I did not blame her, she was just making an assumption. But when my then husband and I arrived there, I could not help it. I asked them to change my last name back to my maiden name in the guest list. I did not mean anything to hurt or offend him, no way.. but that's not my name... and nothing can change that
• You can almost hear our eyes roll when you used the so-called pick up lines. And our eyebrows will reach our tip of forehead when you wear ugly shoes. Raising eyebrows! Cannot help it
• If you get sick, we can take care of  you like a protective mama. But do not nag. Just drink that drops, and get better
• We buy our own stuffs and like to point that out to the guy we are in a relationship with. Especially if they are good stuff. No means to be a snob there, we just want them to know that we do not need them to worry about that part in our life. Yes, a beautiful watch can be a nice gesture for our birthdays, or a designer-labeled hand bag. But we will not judge you if it is not a vintage-oyster Rolex or Marc Jacobs. We have that covered. Do not freak out.... 
• It can happen 5 years from now. Or 2. But going back to college is most likely in the agenda
• We know if whether or not we want kids. We know. Just like we know where we want to be in 5 years. Or what to have for dinner
• No matter in what century we are now living, we still expect you to open the door for us. No room for negotiation here
• Befriending us is easy. We can go with friends to a thrift store and we go for cheap lunches. But when it comes to dating, we will judge a man by how much they tip the waiter. This.is.true
• Mortgage of our very own house. Check
• Chanel hand bag, well-taken-care pet. Check. Check
• Vibrator? Oh yes... check
• We secretly think we are smarter than you are. And here's the last one...
• Asking for your opinion in our big life decisions? Only if you survive the above. And that means you are in the safe zone, baby

Those are the one(s) I can see and admit so far
Now I have a question, would you change something about yourself to fill up... let's say, someone's ego? 

Will you go out with a man that is going to tell you to be submissive when you are not?

Is there a safe meet-half-way line in between so you can compromise to keep the relationship? Or to build a solid one?

International Women's Day

Oh how I have been saying this phrase in countless of times: I love being a woman! And I really do. I enjoy the confusions, the struggle to understand men and the long winding road to simplify things, the so-called menstrual crams, the power to be independent yet at the same time having the freedom to cling  to someone when you feel like you need to, the freedom to choose (or not), the make-ups, shoes, hand bags,... oh hand bags !

But of course most of all... I love what many legendary women before me has brought into this world. I was raised in a society that "already" allows women to be as equal, to be able to speak up and to decide. I love how choices for us are now so many and it does not make us respect men any less (I respect and adore you as always, Adams!).

So to honor to the day of feminism, here are some ways to celebrate:

• Learn more about International Women's Day. 
• Sponsor other sister(s) out there through UniFem.
• Have an easy, chill-out ladies' night out. Or a wild one.
• Order three desserts. And actually finish them.
• No make-up... or Doll up!
• Have a lot of sex with your lover. You lead.
• Share this post of beautiful... I repeat.. beautiful photos about how we should look at Women today.
• Buy that bag.
• Support a child.

And the most important thing: Be even more thankful, respect your man, love your family... and be the woman you intended to be:)

One gift for you: Re-posting one cute poetry from "One Angry Girl"

I am not a feminist, But...

I am not a feminist, but I appreciate the right to help choose my government representatives.  
I enjoy the option of wearing pants or shorts if I want.
I’m pleased that I was allowed to learn to read and write. It can be very convenient to control how many babies I want to have.
It’s awfully useful to be able to open a bank account and own property in my name.
I like knowing that my husband or boyfriend cannot legally beat me.
It’s really swell to keep the money that I earn.

Bottom picture is my fave from Women today :

Women today

Succesful Woman

And using every single stones once stumbled her down...

Pinterest

Real Women Eat

That darn extra five kilos seems to have no slight interest to go away from my body. But what can I say,  instead of seriously asking them to leave, I have been making them even more comfortable to nestle.

I am lucky to have a good metabolism tho'... I am not skinny but others might consider me lucky for 'only' having chubby cheeks and a bit of a curve as a result of continuously eating like a man.

Or, like a real woman.

ps: I have to jog this afternoon. Wish me all the determination to not bail. Haha.

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