Apr 1, 2014

Intimidate much?

Well I never felt that way before... but my best girlfriends (and some guy friends!) starting to nudge this out of me!

So, I can come across as intimidating... to the guy that I am with. Not to friends nor colleagues because I pretty much let my hair down when I am with them. But relationships get me nervous and I always put one shield before another to protect myself from getting hurt. The best way to do that is to be... cocky, bossy and to be "Miss-I-always-have-an-opinion-about-anything", or as my best friend Ria would say"Miss-Whoever-You-are".
Guilty. I do that to any guy that I was with.

I am not here to speak for all the ladies with this post, obviously... But just in case you are the type that will not enjoy being too close to an intimidating lady, I will give you a hint or two to recognize them instantly.

These are their (or, my species) symptoms and I am taking the liberty to use the word "we"
  • We will always have an opinion about something. And the deeper we are in disagreement, the more we will enjoy it. It does not matter who will win the argument (oh yes, we look for one), we just enjoy being stimulated that way.
  • There will never be a day in which we say "Up to you." when a guy asked where to go for dinner. Isn't that why you asked? To get our answer? The closest thing I do to being submissive is to narrow down the option by saying this "Well. I am down with almost anything but NOT restaurant A, B or X..." 
  • When we feel like it took the guy ages to pick what he wants from the menu, we will fearlessly make suggestions as in telling you what to order exactly. Not every guy appreciates that... apparently. 
  • We will say bluntly if we like you or if what you did make us feel special. But we will also look you in the eyes and say "I do not like what you just said/did...". You do not have to fish for compliments nor a complaint. 
  • If you show respect to your parents, elderly and a waiter, we will praise you for that.
  • When we say "I will support you." we mean it with all our heart. Same goes when we say "You are amazing." We mean that.
  • Taking notes on chivalry gestures is one of our specialties. So yes, we did notice when you wait to take the first bite of your meal after we have ours. Thank you for that.
  • We will make sharp feedback if you asked us about work, personal life, or a football match. And we can be soft-spoken about it... but sometimes, maybe... we forgot. Not that we do not appreciate you, but it feels enthralling to know that someone that we like and or love wants to know what is on our mind. 
  • This is my personal biggest sin: Around a month after my wedding, I got invited to a dinner event in which my assistant RSVPd with my name that she changed with liberty to my then husband's last name. I did not blame her, she was just making an assumption. But when my husband and I arrived there, I could not help it. I rolled my eyes and ask them to change my last name back to my maiden name in the guest list. I did not mean anything to hurt or offend him, no way.. but that's not my name... and nothing can change that. I know. I was a b*tc* back then.
  • You can almost hear our eyes roll when you used the so-called pick up lines. And our eyebrows will reach our tip of forehead when you wear ugly shoes. Raising eyebrows! Cannot help it.
  • During dinners with couple friends, sometimes, we shift from talking with the ladies to the man's club. Simply because it is just easier and we can drink beer from the bottle and curse like a sailor. Even a lady-like could use some break. 
  • If you get sick, we can take care of  you like a protective mama. But do not nag. Just drink that drops, and get better.
  • We buy our own stuffs and like to point that out to the guy we are in a relationship with. Especially if they are good stuff. No means to be a snob there, we just want them to know that we do not need them to worry about that part in our life. Yes, a beautiful watch can be a nice gesture for our birthdays, or a designer-labeled hand bag. But we will not judge you if it is not a vintage-oyster Rolex or Marc Jacobs. We have that covered. Do not freak out.... 
  • It can happen 5 years from now. Or 2. But going back to college is most likely in the agenda. 
  • We know if whether or not we want kids. We know. Just like we know where we want to be in 5 years. Or what to have for dinner.
  • No matter in what century we are now living, we still expect you to open the door for us. No room for negotiation here. 
  • Befriending us is easy. We can go with friends to a thrift store and we go for cheap lunches. But when it comes to dating, we will judge a man by how much they tip the waiter. This.is.true.
  • Mortgage of our very own house. Check.
  • Chanel hand bag, well-taken-care pet. Check. Check. 
  • Vibrator? Oh yes... check.
  • We secretly think we are smarter than you are. And here's the last one...
  • Asking for your opinion in our big life decisions? Only if you survive the above. And that means you are in the safe zone, baby.
Those are the one(s) I can see and admit so far. 
Now I have a question, would you change something about yourself to fill up... let's say, someone's ego? 
Will you go out with a man that is going to tell you to be submissive when you are not?
Is there a safe meet-half-way line in between so you can compromise to keep the relationship? Or to build a solid one?

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