Mother in Law Love

 

My late mom in law often started our video call convo with a gleeful "Hello. Oh wow you look so beautiful (fresh, cute, chic)!"

No matter what I was wearing, with make up, or just woke up.

Then I started to realise something. It's not really about my look. It's her and her words.

I always knew she would compliment me so I always always smiled even before the line was connected. Always. 

She will forever be missed. 

A Conscious Love Story

Yovan and I had a rough time for nearly 12 month long with his mom being sick. He took care of her during the palliative time through her very last breath and I could not been prouder as a wife. Of course, the temporary separation did come with its toll. By God's grace, we pulled through. 

So... As I am inching my way to end this especially hard year of 2025, I am sharing one post that makes me feel warm; our wedding. 

Here's a full story on how we make it environmental (and socio-economic) friendly: Tressabel and Yovan Sustainable Wedding with SukkhaCitta, and a more picturesque bits from Great Destination Weddings: Tressabel and Yovan.

How was your wedding? Was there a theme? Did you get a chance to eat at all?

Did anyone drunk dance?

I'd love to hear!

Conrad Bali, March 2022

Timing and everything in between

Us two on a short staycation in Ubud

These days, Yovan and I have been pondering about our plans. Big and small. Those, of course, plans orbit around our stage in life and our age. 

We cannot help but wonder how different things would be if we got together sooner.

So my mind phrased this little note.

If we started this (marriage) earlier, in our 20s at least (when we met!), maybe we'd be arranging more travel plans.

Maybe, there be rarer conversations about back pains, and I'd still have more eggs in me.

How about when we were in our 30's? I think date nights would last longer than 10 pm, and there be fewer blood pressure meds in the cabinet.

But also, maybe. I won't be this vulnerable, and you won't respond to this dynamic as you do today. Maybe, we won't be this content knowing that God is in charge and His sovereignty rules every step of the way.

His timing is everything, even when we have to wait a little longer. His sovereignty rules, mostly when we have to pivot our plans.

How to get what you want in life (or at least, for your birthday)

Joining billions of other people in the world, I also did the “Which F.R.I.EN.D.S character are you?” quiz while procrastinating. It resulted in dr. Richard Burke. (I thought I was a Monica)

One time when we were still dating, I asked Yovan the same question. Which of the series’ characters do you see fit me the most? To my surprise, he said, “Rachel.” But the conversation switched to talking about how the love story of Rachel and Ross is one of the worst in the world. You name all the newly found words; toxic, gaslighting, love bombing. It was all in that one and off ten years lobster tale. 

Fast forward to 2023. A week before my birthday, I sent Yovan my wish list. Things that I want for my birthday, Christmas, or just for the pleasure of it. They are not necessarily what I need. Now before we go further, let me tell you about this list. 

It’s not as simple as listing beige trousers, running shoes, or laptop case. My list has a description of the item, the size, and the link to where one can find them. It’s also categorised in price range, so buying within your budget is possible. See? Could I be more Monica?

Yovan was perplexed at first. The idea of buying a birthday gift from a list is not something he can comprehend. “Will you be okay with it? There’s no element of surprise!” he asked, being a spontaneous and gleeful person who loves romance more than anyone I know. “But you know I hate surprises,” I answered and reassured him again that having people singing Happy Birthday to me at a restaurant is a big no-no for me. 

Here are my takes that convinced him to have one solicited document containing things we want that we can go to on Birthdays, Christmas, or a just cause: 

1. Buying things from a wish list benefits both the receiver and the giver. The giver does not have to stumble from one idea to another, the receiver will be satisfied

2. Zero errors! The arms of the shirt will sit perfectly on the shoulder, and the lipstick shade will be THAT exact Merlot and not Burgundy. The insole of the shoes will cause no chaffing.  

3. There still is an element of surprise because the receiver will not know which item you are buying

4. The recipient WILL appreciate it, and it will not end up as clutter (or being exchanged to store credit)

5. Zero errors and I know I already said that!

There! These are my Rachel's quirks! How she ensures everyone to "Stick with the list," my mind tells me as I speak the last bit of my in-depth objective. I get it. But Yovan is no Ross. So I think we are good.

PS: Would you try this Wish List with your spouse?

"You will never forget the smell." A honeymoon story

 You will never forget the smell.

It was a mix of nitrogen and hydrogen (I wanted to say ammonia, and what I meant was urine) fusing with mildew brought by the dropping temperature. 

Surely enough, the concoction is not the most fragrant. But your sense of smell will be inhaling the said aroma whenever you think of the city that never sleeps. 

I do not know how but that's what is still happening seven days after the trip ended. 

The Brooklyn Bridge

Like most people, I also have a list of places to visit before I die. As basic as it sounds, New York City is one of them. The name sits after Tokyo, which I am dying to go to for the World Marathon Majors, followed by London for the idea of bumping into Robert Smith and to watch endless rock concerts. 

After years of collecting old covers of The New Yorker magazines and souvenirs from The Met museum and pinning hundreds of boards on Pinterest, that day finally happened. 

Here's the sweetest part. New York was our honeymoon destination!

My husband studied in the U.S. in the '90s, so this was not his first, but it is for me. So I let him usher on our agenda and what to do, as long as we visit all the bookstores and see one Broadway show. We did. It was a mesmerising performance of Jefferson Mays on Christmas Carol. The Met was also one great decision worth repeating. Here's a quick tip: Wear comfy sneakers and warm socks. I did and it helped me stroll around without feeling weary. 

Basic tourist photo at The Times Square

To summarise the trip in one blog article would not be enough. This trip was mind-boggling in so many ways while at the same time allowing me to appreciate home even more.

The weather tested us to the bone in literal and figurative meaning. We often find ourselves walking through the narrow alleys of Chinatown for over-rice dishes because our palate cannot be satisfied with bread and pizza alone. My take on food may not be one to take notes from as my palate is 99% south east asian, so I pretty much eat solely for energy as I keep telling myself I will soon go back to my flavourful Indonesian dishes. 

The subway system puzzled me since I arrived. Luckily Yovan was excellent at it. Our encounter with homeless people and those under the influence of drugs was countless, leaving a different kind of despair in our hearts. Although, some of them preached real good about the return of the Messiah!

Certain things bring us contentment. 

A festive cheer that may have come too early if compared to other parts of the world. The city was dressing up for Christmas like someone wearing a Sunday best. Dogs are everywhere (their turds, some. So watch your step!). You meet them on subway trains, at restaurants, and at airports. You see them bracing for the cold weather in dog vests walking with their owners getting coffee and bagels. 

High Line

Yovan had his heart filled to the rim with delight visiting sneakers stores and revisiting some of his favourite places. All the bookstores got me all excited. I almost got myself exceeding the capacity of our baggage. Reunions with old friends were lovely, and meeting our Bali friends was unexpected!

Most importantly, Yovan and I got to know each other more. Some quirks only showed when we were away from home, so are habits we did not realise we had. All in all, it was a trip that brought us closer, and we promise to do it again someday when we are better equipped with thermal undergarments and maybe face masks to cover that distinctive smell. 

Ooh oh. There it is again. I can smell it. 

PS: We flew to Chicago and drove to Milwaukee during this trip and stayed for two nights. That story will need a separate space.  

PS.PS: Thank you sayang for this sweet and unforgettable honeymoon. 

Chicago. Teaser for a different post

King David of Israel and Robert Nesta Marley

Here's my personal vow I read to Yovan, my husband, on our wedding day, March 12.

"I asked you one random question last year; If you could have anyone, dead or alive, singing at your wedding... who would that be?

You answered King David of Israel. I wanted Bob Marley.

That conversation reminds me of how different we are, yet so much alike.

For obvious reasons, none of them can make it tonight. However, I am sure the most important guest is here. That is Jesus Christ

You once said that I am one of God's favourite and you've been treating me like one too.

I have so much to say to you right now but I'll keep it for when the guests are gone

Here comes the real part...

When things get hard. Because we know someday it will

When God says no. Because sometimes He might

Or when it's really hard for you to understand my crazy idea about life, when I am too stubborn, when you realised I'll never be a good cook... and when the weight of the world is on our shoulders or when we are sick...

I hope you'll find the heart to remind us what we have promised God today

I love you, and I cannot wait to glorify God in this marriage with you ❤ 

PS: If you want to read our story, click A Conscious Love Story

Forty One

 So, 41 happened. 

I turned 41 last week, 11th January. With no intention of making resolutions, I am posting this as a journal of gratitude and if I'm being honest, a nervous list of hopes and plans.

Two things:

1. Business (or, the lack thereof)

Some new strategies are to be implemented. The last 10 months was a topsy turvy one as we had to yield into a suffering demand. I have been reading articles from The Economists to feed my starving mind and cannot help but feeling mind boggled about it. It will not be an easy one, surprise surprise... But I need to gear myself up, physically by going back to training, emotionally by keep writing, and spiritually by drawing myself even closer to Jesus.

2. Relationship

I want the real thing, or nothing at all. Like I wrote here: THE relationship

And wouldn't it be nice to live together?

One of my all time fave. Somehow now feels more relevant than ever.

"And wouldn't it be nice to live together

In the kind of world where we belong?

You know it's gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new?
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through?"

PS: She and Him did a nice cover of this song too, check it here.

I really do

For years, I never prayed about this particular part of my life. Life partner, and... if we want to be more specific here, a life partner in a God centered relationship.

No one can really ask me why, as I will shrug it off lightly as I move forward. And I was not being dishonest. I was always thinking of that matter lightly. 

However, I continue to pray that God will cultivate me. My heart, mind, habits. Following the path He has prepared for me. Not easy. But I keep going. 

With so many changes especially the past two years, I've never been this certain of my existence. Pandemic or not, broke or wealthy, I am where I am intended to be, I am who I am sculptured to be.

I turned forty last January. On that very day, I finally talked to Him about it. How I have this sweet yet aching longing about fulfilling another purpose. A purpose I am somehow certain of, is in the store for me. "If you think I will do better in fulfilling my purpose by uniting with someone (of Your choice), thy will be done."

Now, if you have been reading my posts since the beginning, you might have a slight idea of who I am. How I can be particular (if not peculiar) with what I want. Books, music, food, clothes. Men? Yes, that too. So I cannot say I am not frightened because truth is... I am. 

That rugged-nerdy-handsome look but knows how to dress properly? Sure that is still on the list. And I believe in my list! Literate? Yes, THAT is non negotiable. We need to be intellectually intertwined, not just about trends, books, social issues, and or politics. It is also about the Holy Bible, about God's words, about who He is and what He wants from that person as a man, individually, and as a man if he were to be my lifetime partner. Someone I naturally respect and love at the same time because I just see it in him. 

What kind of a father will he be? I have my views on that too. Someone who is not afraid of showing tough love when needed but so gentle he would dress up in pink tutus if our daughter (or son) wants to have him dress as a princess who came to a tea party. 

A dad who would protect but gentle, provide but also allowing me to contribute. A lover, but also, a long time friend...

The one question I will ask my future man

If someday I will walk down the aisle and wed myself to the one I want, I am going to ask him this question.

Happy 2016

Here's a blog I have been trying not to post. But I finally did.

Dedicated to all the people who never understand about my relationship with my furry children. And who's been telling me that "It is not the same with being married and having real children."

I won't argue with that.

Especially For You

I know all of you will be reading this and will probably cringe realizing that this girl who listens to Kasabian and The Cure can be this cheesy!

But this song is the one that is playing in my head now. 

"Especially for you I wanna tell, you mean all the world to me
How I'm certain that our love was meant to be

You changed my life
You showed me the way."

xx

She's Always a Woman to Me

This song is not about me. It represents a man's true love to a woman I am very close to in life. That man is gone now, but I want to believe that the same kind of love is still existing.

L.O.V.E

Oh, woofs with me?

Pinterest

The Big Five

Today marks my five years in Bali. 

Arrived wounded, I let the island healed me through even more things to lose, gain, change, and sometimes mutate. My steps were wobbly at first, and I almost gave up. Almost. 

People say you lose some, you win some. That's also the case in my life; in relationships, tangible materials, friends, wealth, weight, and maybe my skin's hydration (which sadly is a loss, grrr). 

After five years, the scar remains. But I am standing far cry from the past with all that I am today. 
Today, I am saying nothing but grace for all the things that I am blessed with; 

1. I am healthier. Sure, I just got better from a three day fever. But I am healthy. It was just my body telling me that I need to slow down. In general, I am healthy. I am in search of a nice skin moisturizer now but nothing like cure for serious illness. Thank you God.

2. The house. Of course. I may not be the only single woman who bought her own house before turning 35. But since I struggled my way to be here, I feel sooooo blessed and lucky. Boy, the mortgage...oh the mortgage! I must tell you, I still cringe sometimes when I have to pay for it. Thinking about holidays that I have not take for the past years, branded bags and or shoes... or lavish brunch that I have to say "Wait/No" to. But every time I wake up in the morning, staring at my 4*3 m bedroom's ceiling, knowing that, even though it is a small house... it is mine, I am grateful.

3. My dogs Marilyn and Mahoni, my siblings, and my friends that are now my families. 

"Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit." Zechariah 4:6. To God be the glory. 

Some related posts:

Day 365 in Bali

Two years and counting

My three years in Bali
Four and going strong

ps: Next, I will post on why I decided to make this blog public again. Including the reason why I blocked it a few weeks ago. Keep reading... :-)

From Nyepi Celebration.

Strangers In the Night

Strangers in the night exchanging glances
Wondering in the night
What were the chances we'd be sharing love
Before the night was through

Something in your eyes was so inviting
Something in your smile was so exciting
Something in my heart told me I must have you

Strangers in the night, two lonely people
We were strangers in the night
Up to the moment when we said our first hello

Little did we know
Love was just a glance away
A warm embracing dance away

And ever since that night we've been together
Lovers at first sight, in love forever
It turned out so right for strangers in the night

My Weirdo

Give thanks and saying hello to 2015

I would usually post a typical New Year's resolution and wish list... This time, I just want to take a moment to thank You...

For my health, my career and my family. None of them will be my treasure if it was not for your grace. And it is sufficient for me.

For anything of everything that I bring home, and a little something extra that I can share, so that people will see how good God really is.

My friends that turn into families. My two healthy and happy dogs as they have been an amazing companion for more than 2 years. Woof them (friends and dogs)

For the strength and reassurance you gave us all when we lost our dearest cousins, and a best friend in the same year. Psalm 115:16.
My siblings; Benevolent, Detrianne, Maharani, Isaac. My in laws Budi and Leonardus. My nephews Joseph and Nathanael. And our dearest Mama, Rosita. Our extended family and dearests friends and of course, my darling readers.
I thank you for everything that they bring into my heart.


For 2014, God, thank you.

May You guide me still along my continuous growth in the walk of FAITH.

Thank You and let's see what else we can thank for in 2015.

Rest of My Life

The video below does not have the best sound quality but I just adore how Brian and his sons performing the song.
Better for the ears version here.

About Feeling Beautiful

I am lucky enough to have learned that beauty may not always comes as a package of fair skin, long non-frizzy locks, button nose, supermodel cheekbones and perfect eyebrows and lashes that's roofing a pair of bright blue eyes. All  that, carried in a  perfect size 2 (note: I do not have any of those, and yes, size 10 is now considered fat by this cruel society)

My imperfect understanding believes that  beauty is a form of stitches of flaws and imperfections. This includes the mind and the soul, that reflects crystal clear in your approach in life.

There are not many out there that actually seeing the word like that, I must say. 

And these days... I feel... beautiful (and I am not backspacing here).

I just feel beautiful because of the energy of the people around me, which I hope is the result of mirroring mine. I feel beautiful because my friends and families are treating me with respect and kindness, and they never notice if I have put on mascara and lipstick or not. 
I feel beautiful when I laugh so hard it makes me cry.

When my ears recognize beautiful chords and beautiful lyrics in songs. When I read, I feel beautiful too.

I feel beautiful when I hit the asphalt every morning at 5:45 am and when my dogs lick my face when I return home to play with them before preparing myself to go to work (they also care not about my sweats).

I feel beautiful when I cry and just be honest to myself about my feelings. 

When I pray... I feel  fragile and strong when I pray. But yes, beautiful.

And during that five minutes of time frame before I snooze my way to sleep, I am counting my blessings... I feel like I'm beautiful.

Maybe because I have mentioned you there too. As one of my beautiful blessings.

Gustav Klimt. The Kiss