Mellow mode, activated. I used to watch this movie: Simon Birch with my Dad for like a gazillion times. Today, I dare not to watch it again, as... I am not so into forming rivers on my cheeks anymore. As in, I am too embarrassed to (But I know I would!). Ever since, I always thought of the soundtrack as one of our songs, just like this one; hoping that he will Remember Me this Way :). If you have not seen it, please do so. And try to listen to the song and pay attention to the lyrics... If you know me well enough, you will understand why I am reaching out for Kleenex as I am typing this post down. ps: "And it hurts, when I smile. Cause my heart still remembers when you were around. Bapak"
I miss you. I miss how things used to be when you were around. I miss you laugh. Your crooked eyes when you smile. I miss your heart. Oh that heart. I miss telling you all my stupid problems. I miss your voice when you talk to me. How you used to tell me that if you love someone, nothing can ever be unforgiven. And when I rolled my eyes... you just laugh.
I miss having dinner with you on our way home from work when Jakarta's traffic was so bad and we were both just too hungry.
I miss you asking me in the morning "Is this tie goes well with this shirt? ". And I will take a quick glare from my breakfast bowl to say " Yea I think so... " And off, you go.
I miss how you trusted me so much. Be it in little or big things in life.
I miss making you that cup of tea. I miss our late night conversation. All of the football games we watched together. I miss making fun out of your adoration in Mandy Moore and Britney Spears. I miss sneaking out of the bedroom just to see if you are reading your Bible alone in the living room.
I miss your heart and I know I already mention that.
I miss Christmas with you being so crazy about it. I miss the sound of that piano from your trembling hands. And don't get me started with your off-key voice when we sing our all time favorite song. Funny thing is... I miss that too.
And at this time around. November. I miss waking you up in the middle of the night, 5th November. Light the candles on your cake, sing you Happy Birthday and kiss you off to bed again.
This is the sixth November without you and the feeling does not get any better. You once told me that time will always heal the pain. Ha! How I would love to see your face when I tell you this someday; "No". It does not. I do not think any daughter in the world could ever bear losing a father like you. But I am fine down here... I guess... I just miss you a lot. A whole lot.
How I wish to be able to say Happy Birthday to you Dad. I do not know how you celebrate it in Heaven but I am pretty sure it rocks just as much as our midnight carols, eating sugar ritual. All together, seven of us.
This is just a little love note. From your children; Tressabel, Benevolent (she gave you a beautiful Grandson by the way; Joseph Kiyoshi), Detrianne ( who is getting married in weeks!), Maharani, Isaac and your lovely wife; Our Mom.
And oh ya, remember that Casper movie we saw together? I dedicated the soundtrack for you. Bet you still like it.
