Things You Never Know You Wanted

You know those moments when you’ve sworn—convincing yourself, or even your friends—that you’re just not that person? Not anything dramatic: little, staunch declarations like “I don’t like cake” (I once made my husband promise there’d always be an array of savouries for my birthday instead), or “I’m not a hugger,” or “I’m definitely a beach person, not a mountain girl.”

We all have our emphatic nos and quiet yeses.

Tonight, in the middle of this slow, refining phase of life—after feeding the dogs and nursing a glass of red—I found myself idly scrolling for places that had… Raspberry cheesecake bars. I swear I’m not that person, but there it was, an image that first read like marble tiles and then unraveled into something else: a lemon-bright, silky cheesecake layer, a sweet-tart raspberry swirl, all resting on a buttery graham crust.

Somehow, my steadfast “no cake” policy started to wobble—because if a little rebellion tastes like that, I’ll happily break my vows for dessert.

Or maybe, I am more stressed out than I thought?

Three's a Charm: Three Current Obessions

Moving a few steps away from heavy topics, I want to ask: What are your current obsessions? Other than trying to keep my frizzy hair in sane shape, my current obsessions are as follows...

Jon Favreau

Yes, you've guessed it. "The Jungle Book" got me. I fell asleep watching "The Notebook" and I did not shed a tear over "PS. I love You". But I sobbed like a hungry baby during the scene of when Mowgli leaves the pack.

Kudos, Jon!

Dr. Biruté Mary Galdikas

Obviously, my recent trip to Tanjung Puting has elevated my adoration over Dr. Birute Galdikas. And guess what is coming for me soon? The first copy of Reflections of Eden for me. Signed by the Dr. herself!

Stan Smith Sneakers

I am probably the last person who purchased them, I know! But it was so hard to find the right size for me. It took me almost a year! So at the moment, I am looking forward to wear them in as many events possible.

Here are some of styling tips I'd like to try: Stan Smith Styling Ideas.

Tell me yours, lovelies!

Tennis Club after this?

What are your guilty pleasures?

Fashion magazines, pop music, Justin Bieber, or a very salty-and-creamy-delicious-butter. Guilty pleasures, people say. Something to savor after a long day; simple things to indulge, just cause. Everybody's got them. Me included.

At first, I never really thought that "Guilty Pleasures." is actually a thing. Until a few years ago, when preparing to pack my life leaving Jakarta... I found myself coughing in the midst of dust when cleaning my closet that is filled with... fashion magazines. Yep. You name it; Glamour, People Style, Vogue, ELLE, and more Vogue. 

1. Yes fashion magazines. I know...I know... you cannot just follow what magazines tell you to do, or worse, advise you to buy hand bags you cannot afford because it goes with that new hairdo. But, to thumb through fashion magazines gives my eyes a good rest, and my mind a well deserved "pause". I can be present. Just, be there. I can actually stop thinking about work, news, and problems just by staring at a picture of a well structured hand bags; admiring the details, imagining the texture. Do I go online and check the price, no, never. I just enjoy the view and sometimes sniff the smell of the paper before they turn dog-eared.  Also, when flipping through the pages, there will always be styling tips I can memorize to someday try to copy.
2. Watching movies I have seen for the umpteenth of time: Good Will Hunting, Remember The Titans, I am Sam, Men of Honor, The Mighty Ducks sequels, Lion King... Why?  Because I enjoy knowing how things ends. It's safe and comforting to know that this bad and sad scene will soon be over with a good ending. The same rule goes with books. I re read the ones I love. Weird, yes? And it scares me to think if this is also how I see most things in life, especially relationship. I like to know. It gives me pleasure to know. Not knowing kills me.
3. Salty butter with sprinkles of truffle that melts in your mouth in a second. Oh yes baby. And I am fully aware that it is bad to fill up on bread (with butter!) while waiting for your steak dinner to be ready... But I cannot help it. I am just relieved to be dating someone who does not think I am a human elephant. Tho, he loves to tease me by calling me "A black hole."
4. Trashy serials that makes me feel like I have nothing decent to wear in my closet. It is horrible, ya ya ya and yet I can tell you exactly what happened at the end of 90210. Or, Gossip Girls. But I am a religious follower of Private Practice too, so I guess that should make me a bit smarter? 
5. Buying the same stuff(s) again and again just because I know it works. Evidence: A serious galore of striped tops, white shirts and tees, dark-blue of everything, and a pile of gingham pattern). I swear to you I will never be able to buy myself a flower patterned blouse... Nothing wrong with it, it is just not familiar. It does not give me that tingling feeling of "guilty pleasures".

PS: A different take on Guilty Pleasure which I like!

Savory Sweetness

Restoring faith on humanity one buzzfeed at a time

The tragedy of Cecil is just one of the reason that makes me question humanity over and over again. But, ranting about it will not solve anything so I continue to do my part. Signing petitions, sound the campaign and just continue making donations that may not be big at all... but it is a step ahead from just posting a mad statement on social media.

I also stumbled upon this buzzfeed article ... and it warms my heart.
Maybe, there still is... Hope.

My fave picture below pictures my #relationshipgoal. Yes, with you.

What do you wear to bed?

What do you wear to bed? My significant other is comfortable with boxer shorts and tee while my nephew is at the stage of wearing nothing but his pants. My sister is a die hard fan of loose nighties.

Me? As one of Marilyn Monroe's hard core admirer, I was tempted to answer with "Why, Chanel no 5, of course."

But I did not. Because I don't.

However, my 8 hours of floating around in some sort of unidentified galaxy (not playing succubus, I hope) is sacred, so I take this question seriously. I have to take a shower before switching my body off and what I am wearing in bed counts. More than the importance of bed sheet thread counts. 

Living in the island, where its heat can grill you at 32 degrees, flannel pajamas is a no go. I mostly wear washed out cotton tee and hot pants. Also, I love wearing socks when it gets cold (Bali from July to September can cool down to 23 degrees which is too cold for me). The aforementioned ensemble been working well until ELLE magazine stated clearly that a woman must have matching pajamas by the time they are 30! Technically, I am 5 years behind.

Now I am searching for these vintage cuties. I think they look effortlessly chic, sexy and comfy. And I cannot wait to sport them in the morning too while making coffee in the kitchen!

ps: Pajamas Trend (Because apparently there is such a thing) and re-posting Monroe's playful voice in this iconic campaign: Forever Marilyn and No.5

Shop Bob

How to drive your partner crazy in bed

More reasons to love Gemma Correll!

Mind Mapping

A few years ago, I posted this picture on the left, read here: My future house. 

Just this week, I took a snap shot of Marilyn posing in front of my bookshelf a few weeks ago, posted the picture on instagram with "What are we reading, Mama?".

Then, a few days after, I realized something... I have been storing this dream in my mind for years!

My library is not 5 times bigger and richer (yet), but it already is inside my own home. 

My dog is a she (2,5 years now), but she is a black, hold your breath... a Black Labrador.

Oh. wow. 

Way to synchronize, universe. 

And to God be the Glory, Sola Gratia.

What British people say vs. what they really mean

Fun to read.
Try not to laugh. Or... cringe.

What were your childhood obsessions?

Pop quiz time by Emily McDowell !
But here goes...

1. Pippi Longstocking aka Pippi Langkous! Her beautiful freckles and her mad ideas and approach in life. Love! I secretly thought of my neighbor Doddy and Verina as Thomas and Annika *wink.
2. Crossword puzzle every Sunday with Grandpa. For a heavenly bowl of chicken noodle that we will buy after finishing all the questions!
3. The NeverEnding Story. For a month or two, I would read in the dark, under the blanket, with a flash light. Just like what the boy did!
4. Play. Christmas play, Easter play, Bible stories  play, ANY play. The stage was my oyster.
5. These book series Girl Talk, Dear Diary (When I started to have eyes for boys...)
6. Mermaid and this movie Dad bought in Japan and sent over to my Grandparent's for me:  The Last Unicorn.
7. Milo chocolate and its chocolate bar, Astors and believe this... I was obsessed with green beans and sardines! Like "Grandma, can we eat sardines and green beans for dinner tonight... again?" for like... a year. 

Tell me yours!

I give a damn

About overused plastic bags.
Animal abuse and force feeding. And people proudly capturing their moments having a chunk of foie gras on their plate of whatever...(darlings... read, please)
I give a damn about your problem. What music you listen to and what your childhood was like.
Being kind more than necessary.
What you wear on first date. And whether or not you will open the door for me. I give a damn.
Your favorite color(s), and your least. Pollution and why do people let the water run while they are brushing their teeth, why?
Good deeds. Saying good morning and thank you and please. Thank you... is crucial.Littering (I could seriously injure you if you do... *gameface)
Christmas. How you kiss. Drinking enough water everyday. What your children like. What you read and don't.
Mangrove. The new RI 1. The words you use. Zoo.
I give a lotta damn.

Damn.

Beatles Tots

Stoked!
John had grown-up eyes as a tot.

From left to right: John, Paul, George, and Ringo

Random

But funny.

Another break up

I apologize for the radio silence. Things been a bit topsy turvy. I was in the midst of family problems, health and also a big dilemma in my career life. Relationship department is just getting puzzling if not confusing. None of the above shows significant changes, actually... but I have time to breathe a bit now.
One of the key is to detach. To break up. From the saga, and from the many influences you may not realize are surrounding you.

And detach I did. First, with the too many to mention social media accounts. Therefore, you will no longer be able to stalk me on facebook, path (argh) and if you really listen, you will realize that my little blue bird does not tweet anymore.

Second, feed myself a fair amount of ignorance. Not too much. Just enough. I am not running the country, not a brain surgeon, no one is going to die if I no longer post my rants on path, or ramble in less than 140 character on twitter .
In real life, shortening the numbers of people I asked opinions for. No offense, it's just that, the more feedback you receive, the smaller the chance of you making the decision that you really need.

Funny enough, this helps.  I did not realize it before, but the more things I read from social media, the busier my brain gets and most of the time it is not for the things are are worth a second glance! So at the end, when I really need myself to think about important matters, my mind is often not at its best; poisoned, tangled, weary.

I am like that. If you are not, you are lucky. But feel free to try my attempt of thinking without thinking, if you like.

On a lighter note, just posting you my latest purchase. Please forgive me for I have never done this before, not on facebook, nor path or twitter. And no, I this is not a sign that I will start doing so on my blog.

ps: My other break up story
ps.ps: About a girl

Bride and Baby Boy

It has been years since I have this haunting image. Of me, and my baby boy, on my wedding day. He will sit on my lap and just snuggle with me at the end of the reception night. 

I can smell icing sugar and jam from the cake on his face, and pop soda... and he would just crash there with me after all that sugar rush from earlier. I would be under the influence of Cab Sav, so I would not be upset with him about that.

Do not ask me how's that going to happen and why, although I used to think of who am I going to do this with.

Now, not so much. Or, not at all?

 

But, I just think it's a beautiful thing to imagine. That's all.

Pinterest

Me, Myself and Tressabel

Is this a sin? 

That I am enjoying this almost too much?

Happy Meal

Oh Gemma Correll, I really like you!
ps: She had me on "May be replaced with fries or more gin."

All You Need is Less

How many of you have actually done this? I dare you to detach some stuffs, instead of getting more... Maybe this way, you will end up feeling even more content.

This is what I want to try to do:

Less judgment.
Less society drama.
Less hook with with social media platform.

Less self-centered mind.
Less clutter. Get rid of all those clothes I am no longer wearing since the past 6 months.
Less chats. 
Less... worry.

What's lurking in the back of your fridge?

It's pop quiz time again! Inspired by Emily McDowell, one of my favorite illustrators; What's lurking at the back of your fridge?

My confessions below;

• Pack of Cheddar. And at least two cartons of soy milk.
• Half bottle of white.
• A jar of sambal terasi that's like a year old (because I am one busy Indonesian lady with serious Asian taste bud and I just have no time to make my own sambal) Ha!
• Three bags of denta stix for my babies.
• Puckered limes. As I think every fridge must have them.
• Cabe rawit. They look like this and is a perfect condiment for instant noodle for midnight snacking. Snacking? Yeah...
• Two loafs of white bread and one loaf of brown bread.
• Frozen peas. And one can of baked beans.
• Serious amount of jelly beans. And I am not a sweet tooth. I think one of my friend gave it to me months ago... I cannot remember who!
• Butter. Butter. Butter.
• Grapefruit juice. 
• Half-opened tonic water.
• Aspirin
• My lipstick. It was melting the other day because I left it in my friend's car. I really love the pop effect the color brings so I am trying to frozen it back. Dummy. 

Below is Emily's.

What do you do when you are home alone?

Here's another pop quiz, still inspired by Emily McDowell, one beautiful illustrator that I adore; What do you do when you are home alone?

This question kinda tease me in a way as... I am living alone anyway (smirk!). But I do host friends, families and or relatives every now and then. This gives a different vibe to living alone as a single woman; I enjoy cater for them, making sure they love the scent I added to the fresh-towels, providing what they usually love for breakfast and just dig into long conversations at night over drinks or instant noodles. 

But I always love to snuggle back to my "alone space" when my guests depart. And this is what I do:

• Walking around, no make-up and... ahem... half-naked. As in, wearing tank-top and hot pants and just be bra-less. Trust me, ladies... This feels very liberating. It is just you and your body. And you get to feel your natural scent and you feel more like a real woman. I do not know how that works but it does!
• Let my dogs hang in the room when I think they deserve it and have serious-long-conversation in baby talk mode! I do this sometimes even when I have company tho (the talking part). Shameless! 
• Breakfast in bed and once in a while, I will take out all of my wardrobe and just separate some that I will donate (also, very liberating)
• Play my favorite music and just dance in the kitchen or dance while I water the garden. I do!
• Read, with no pressure of having to attend to someone's need. Read selfishly... and just dive into the book. 
• Watch festival movies and or stupid serials.
• Drink beer in my dining room, one feet up on the chair. Makes me feel like a boss :))
• Dusting my hand-bags while thanking them for the way they make me feel good at down times.
• Eat what most people think as the grossest food ever: French toast with honey and bacon.
• Blog.

What about you?

This is what Emily does:

Banana Bread Idolatry

As a 'not a big fruit eater', I have a strange soft spot for... carrot cake and banana bread!
I do not have many friends sharing this particular fetish so imagine my euphoria when I found out that this beautiful little girl is sharing the same palate! Her name is Cilla, and she is the daughter of my good friend -and a neighbor- Ami.

Last week, on a ladies-only-coffee-date, Cilla told me that she believes in fairies and asked me what I believed in. I told her... I believe in Nutella. She laughed!

Here's some photos of me in a making believe scene and with Cilla after wolfing two slices of banana bread with my "secret" recipe: Add a spread of Nutella and Peanut butter on it! Trust me!