Talk a little nicer

to yourself...

Isn't that a simple yet powerful thing to do? How often do we actually do it? Or have we done it ever?

With the Indonesian Presidential Election coming (two more sleep, eeeeeks!), the media platforms have been flooded with news about all three candidates and their vices. Sadly, thanks to social media and its bullet-like speed, so much of the news is either hoaxed or heavily edited to benefit a certain party. They all had a fair share of doing this practice!

Then there's the heartbreaking genocide, the constant domestic abuse and crime news, and more... and more. 

I admit, I have been consuming them all more than I should and it has taken its toll on my sanity. There's this weighing amount of anger, anxiety, and agitation in me and I just do not like the person that I am becoming. So I am pressing a pause button on social media for a few days and see how it goes.

Have you ever taken such an approach? A much-deserved break from the world that does not stop talking just so that you can hear yourself better and talk to yourself nicer?

Did it work?

What do you miss the most about pre-pandemic life?

Someone asked me this and in a split second I answered: “Money.” I immediately felt guilty, realising my answer makes me sound like the most materially-minded person on earth. 

It gives an impression of me being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or someone that has made the “Thrifty before 40” list. I am not one of them. So I fine-tuned my answer: “I miss the pace of business that I used to deal with; how clients signed contracts and my income was constant.” 

 That was pretty much the end of the light conversation. But me being me, most conversations continue chattering in my head a long time after they have ended. Having an ideal business pace (how it was before the pandemic to be exact) or steady income is guaranteed to dib the biggest pie chart in this equation. We can read all the financial reports and outlooks that The Economist magazine publishes pivot on our strategies, but deep inside we know that worry and wonder are lurking still. Put that aside for now as we all know there is more to life than only money. 

Here are some of the things that I miss from life before this (again, ugh…) pandemic: 

 1. Not feeling like there is a weight on my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. I miss not having to pop painkillers as often as I do today because my migraine is throbbing from all the uncertainty 

2. I miss being able to travel, flying (despite my fear) to see family anytime I wanted to. I did not use that privilege as often when I had the chance to, and it’s saddening 

3. Seeing Bali busy. I miss entering a packed restaurant and to see if the wait staff are smiling (today, we can only guess it from their squinting eyes. Joining traditional ceremonies that are dotted with people in their Sunday best, and reading news about how hotels are fully booked. Missing that too! 

4. Going to bookstores and hanging out there for hours picking out new reads without having to apply hand sanitizers every five minutes, or every time after I touched a book. Shopping online works for so many but there is something about a bookstore experience that no online shopping can aid. Also, how can you buy a book without smelling them first? 

5. Arranging my marathon races! And there will be a post solely on this subject. Keep an eye out.

An INTJ through and through, I have to admit my social life may not make it to my list’s top five. Although I do understand how it can be a positive influence for those who gain their energy from frequently being with others. I want that to happen again too. 

 How about you?

(Illustration from The Quint)

But really, how are you?

Let me start by saying the obvious truth; this year sucks. But what's even more depressing is, we are not sure of the ordeal will expire as we hit January 1st 2020 in a couple of months

Sure, there are news on vaccines, studies taking places everywhere to test the effectiveness, tireless government all around the globe (mostly clueless) implementing measures to keep their country at bay... But really, how can we be certain?

Another brutal truth, I was planning to write an uplifting post here, and it is not looking well. I have no phrases in my mind that will help readers ease their anxious mind. To that, I apologise.

If I may, however, I want to share a few things that I've been doing randomly the past pandemic months. As it is a not one size fits all, you may want to do a bit of a beating around the bush here to see which one works best. For me, there are days when any small things I do can lift my mood in an instant (buying ice cream, re reading my favourite book). Other days are just too gloomy to handle and all I can bear to do is just curling up on my bed, sob a little, listening to The Smiths. 

Entering the last quarter of 2020, as my worry starting to pile up (financial, health of my family, the fact that I may only have several healthy eggs in my uterus, business-the lack thereof), I am also beginning to accept that I do not have to fix bad days and bad mood instantly. If the whole world is collapsing, then, maybe... just be human for a bit and sink for a brief moment... 

I am tired, terrified, and that...is okay. 

But when you have a little kick to do something to lift yourself up, maybe try these:

1. Listen to music that helps with anxiety. I was skeptical at first, but on the first go, it actually worked for me. A cup of hot tea in hand, this tunes, can actually remind our body to be at present even just for a short moment. 

2. Put on some lipstick. Even if you do not have a virtual meeting on the agenda. Instant mood lifter! 

3. Make plans to have a nice lunch. It does not have to be something expensive, it can be something as simple as your favourite fried rice, mac and cheese, or a giant bowl of salad that is soaked in heavy dressing. Something to look forward to, no matter how small, can give a kick up a good mood.

4. Clean your cluttered photo albums. As simple as that. 

5. Read a chapter, just one chapter... No need to press yourself to finish an optimistic number of books in a month, just try something in a smaller scale. It helps.

How about you? What is it the one particular thing you are feeling today? How do you deal with that? 

From Help Guide

 

Cut Here

Here's a confession. 
I have made two play lists the last five years of my life and they are:

1. Songs I want to play on my wedding day

2. Songs I want people to play on my funeral

The first list is kind of basic and the second one is downright creepy?

I have been keeping that secret until earlier this month, a good friend and I talked about mental illness and how Mental Health Day allows to raise awareness of mental health issues around the world and mobilizing efforts in support of mental health.  Or simply, to make discussing it a normal thing to do.

"It's real." my friend told me. And I nodded.

It was quite a heavy conversation, and two of us agreed on a few things that shall not be written here. I dove into the conversation talking more about mortality, and how I, too, have visioned my own memorial day. It did not shock her when I said I have made my "Songs I want people to play on my funeral." (she's made her own!), so I went on telling her some of the songs I like. Maybe you want to have a look to.

So, some tunes on my wedding songs list are: 
Be my Baby (The Ronettes), Here comes the sun (The Beatles), God only Knows (The Beach Boys), Fool for love (Lord Huron),  If I fell (the Beatles), Wouldn't it be nice (The Beach Boys).

On a less happier day: Beautiful (India Arie), Iris (Goo goo Dolls), Just Breathe (Pearl Jam), Change the world (Eric Clapton), Love of my life (Queen), Cut Here (The Cure).

There, I said it. 

Well, almost all of it.

About losing a parent

Losing a parent is the kind of grief that has its own depth.

Here are my thoughts why.

Give thanks and saying hello to 2015

I would usually post a typical New Year's resolution and wish list... This time, I just want to take a moment to thank You...

For my health, my career and my family. None of them will be my treasure if it was not for your grace. And it is sufficient for me.

For anything of everything that I bring home, and a little something extra that I can share, so that people will see how good God really is.

My friends that turn into families. My two healthy and happy dogs as they have been an amazing companion for more than 2 years. Woof them (friends and dogs)

For the strength and reassurance you gave us all when we lost our dearest cousins, and a best friend in the same year. Psalm 115:16.
My siblings; Benevolent, Detrianne, Maharani, Isaac. My in laws Budi and Leonardus. My nephews Joseph and Nathanael. And our dearest Mama, Rosita. Our extended family and dearests friends and of course, my darling readers.
I thank you for everything that they bring into my heart.


For 2014, God, thank you.

May You guide me still along my continuous growth in the walk of FAITH.

Thank You and let's see what else we can thank for in 2015.

I give a damn

About overused plastic bags.
Animal abuse and force feeding. And people proudly capturing their moments having a chunk of foie gras on their plate of whatever...(darlings... read, please)
I give a damn about your problem. What music you listen to and what your childhood was like.
Being kind more than necessary.
What you wear on first date. And whether or not you will open the door for me. I give a damn.
Your favorite color(s), and your least. Pollution and why do people let the water run while they are brushing their teeth, why?
Good deeds. Saying good morning and thank you and please. Thank you... is crucial.Littering (I could seriously injure you if you do... *gameface)
Christmas. How you kiss. Drinking enough water everyday. What your children like. What you read and don't.
Mangrove. The new RI 1. The words you use. Zoo.
I give a lotta damn.

Damn.

Toss a coin

I actually have tried this before, and asking my friend to do the same. Being a realist, this does not compute to me at all, but I did  it anyway. 

And I might do it again.

Life as Marilyn Knows It

Everyday is a blessing, and waking up wagging your tail is the only way to greet morning as it breaks. Oh, with a hundreds of kisses on 'my human's' sleepy face too.

A walk on the beach is too hard. I say run. 'My human' sometimes forget to bring our ball but I can always find another one on the beach, laying unattended. I am sure no one would mind. I mean, people are kind and sweet and they have a lot of things to be thankful of so losing a ball on the beach would not bother them.

Thunder storm is unpredictable and can be very scary. But as long as I have a roof on top of my head, I will be alright. Especially if I can still see a glimpse of 'my human's' shadow in another room. I know everything is going to be fine.

Denta stix? Nom...nom...nom

I cannot decide which one I like the best; sunshine or rain? I do not get why mankind can open their blinds to square back how a day is going to be by just looking at the sky. You can soak in the warmth of sunshine... and playing under the rain is just as fun!

Anyone welcome to our house is welcome to my heart. This valids to Axl too, another dog 'my human' brought home a month ago. I like him. Almost as much as I like tennis balls, but not as much as I like denta stix. My friend Mahony has a different idea but that's fine. We are resulting a good dynamic, she and I.

I do not get what can happen in human's life... They can be very angry waking up and going to work, they can cry when it comes to their friends or relatives and even families.
Sometimes, they came home with a sour face and they look very weary. My over the top greeting seems to always work its magic to cheer them up. Once they caress me, I think my happy energy got transferred to them too. But still, I do not understand what can cause their unhappiness. I mean, I know thunder storms can be very scary but humans are bigger than me... So, it cannot be thunderstorms... It must be something else.

Every meal is a bliss. And I will finish them to the very last crumbs. I am thankful for everything that is given to be by 'my human'. 

Whenever 'my human' is away, I just spend time thinking of them and waiting earnestly so see them coming home and end their day with me snuggling in their arms. I would like to let them know that tomorrow is another happy day.

Oh, did I say that Life is a blessing?

One fine day at the beach.

Question (and answer) yourself

What would you do if life is giving you the liberty to test, to dare, to challenge yourself ?

Before going there, you may want to entice yourself by playing as one of Cowen's students and try to create our own test firts.

ps: Isn't funny how we can be either intrigued or turned off when we have the power to test and to measure our self?

A most unusual test AUG 21 2012

Tyler Cowen once gave the following final test to one of his classes:

Tyler [Cowen] once walked into class the day of the final exam and he said. "Here is the exam. Write your own questions. Write your own answers. Harder questions and better answers get more points." Then he walked out.

Love it.

From here

Ups and Downs

Things have been topsy turvy lately. Same goes for my health. Can't and not willing to tell you much but I am feeling better now. 

When I found this simple design ... I feel even way better and happier:)

Have a lovely weekend sweethearts. I am planning on an easy one (yeah, like I ever done it any other way differently); beach, brunch and a long nap.

From Nour Malki

The one you feed

I just read a fine well-known legend about two wolves and just want to re post here for a reading pleasure and food for the soul.

A Cherokee elder was teaching his children about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to them. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandchildren thought about it and after a minute one of them asked, “Which wolf will win?”

The elder simply replied, “The one you feed.”

ps: Which wolf are you feeding now?

Blu222

 

To my girfriend(s)

So it has been a while. I know so. No need to go into details here, but I am back. I had a chance to talked via messenger with 2 of my girlfriends this week and there are 2 things that came out of them that still surprises me to this second.

" I wish can be as a free soul and  spirited as you are Abel, maybe it will be easier for me to handle hardships in life"

" I know you have your own pace and space, I know you have your right to either keep things with you or to share... But, try not to surprise us too much, okay?"

Those came from people I care about. So, what they say matter. A lot.

Typical me, I tend to keep it to my self, think about it when I am alone in my little loft so that I can get a well round understanding about things.

I am not that much of a free soul. Even if I am so close to it, it took me a lot to get there. Maybe you know about it. I just happen to have a very limited listening skill when it comes to negative force. That's all. So when things get hard, when people talk bad, when they laugh at my dreams, when they're reasoning my failures... All I am hearing is this buzz... bluuurp... blop and...beep. Maybe, you may want to try that. You know by heart, whatever you are facing will not affect those people's life. So, never let them do that to you.

And for that surprising step I just made? I know you are happy for me too. When I decided to let love in (after a period that some people considered as centuries), it surprise me too! I am sorry that I did not make you part of the questioning phase. And thank you for pointing this one to me- that you think of me as big deal. Somehow, it seems to be a familiar way for me to share things when I at least have a long haul idea about what it's going to bring. Your tremendous understanding is filling me with such grateful feelings. Thank you.

I love you both girls. Catch up soon.

Inspired Joy

Leap Year: fun facts

And here we are , stepping into the end of this month of February. Leap Year! (in case you did not notice)

We understand that a leap year occurs every four years to help synchronize the calendar year with the solar year, or the length of time it takes the earth to complete its orbit about the sun, which is about 365¼ days. The length of the solar year, however, is slightly less than 365¼ days—by about 11 minutes. To compensate for this discrepancy, the leap year is omitted three times every four hundred years.

But, did you know that your chances of being born on leap day is about 1 in 1,500?! That fact comes to a stats of about 187,000 people in the US and 4 million people in the world who were born on Leap Day. 
Two other fascinating facts that can be count as a major contra with one another:
Greek superstition claims that bad luck will come to couples that marry during a leap year. -- However... Leap day is also when women were once officially allowed to step outside of tradition and propose to their beaus. According to legend, St. Bridget complained to St. Patrick in fifth-century Ireland about women having to wait for so long for a man to propose. Ah, now I know how feminism started in other part of the world *wink.

So this Leap year... Have you decided on which way you want to get through it?

Not my fave movie but watching this tonight can be a cute idea :). Matthew Goode? hmmmm

RIP Bubi Chen

Indonesia lost a Jazz maestro tonight. Bubi Chen. May his soul rest peacefully in God's grace and his masterpieces remains celebrated. 

Presenting you a video of Bubi Chen ( here with the fame Indra Lesmana) from a concert in Jakarta, 2006. 

I was there that night with a stomping heart, in an awe. Now I am watching it again with a heavy heavy heart...

You will be and awesome addition to God's ensemble, Om Bubi :')

Inspiration Sunday: Lesson from a simple regret

I have learned not to regret things. Be it a life decisions or a smaller case like a purchase. But I bought this book last month; LIFE: 100 Photographs that Changed the World and I regret it big time. Not because of the price or quality or anything like that, the book is actually great! But simply because it's a record of how the world is so full of awful things and loaded with heartless people. 

Kudos to all the magnificent and brave photographers' work featured in the book though... they did make a significant change. But I just can not take another look of it. I am that person who would switch the TV off when it comes to a sad breaking news. This is a habit I picked up since high school and my late Grandpa once said " Good luck in facing the world out there, you naive girl living in denial" (Ha! I made it this far Grandpa:))

The pictures in the book are vivid, haunting, poignant, striking and speaks nothing but the truth. Mostly about war, chaos, and tragedy.  Source of pain: Politic. An area where my understanding is close to zero. And though it might sound silly; I am thankful for that.
Now I am inspired to imagine my life being photographed by a higher force up there and all I need to do is making sure I can make even the slightest change to the world. Maybe not the whole world, but around me. I still have faith that the world can be a better place (which starts within selves) and hope you are on my side.

Romans 12: 2 : Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Awesome Monday: Charlie Chaplin and Mahatma Gandhi

Welcome Monday! I bet you can easily tell who these people are in our Awesome Monday picture post. Interesting random facts about them; Mahatma Gandhi spoke English with an Irish accent, for one of his first teachers was an Irishman. Can you imagine? 

And, Charlie Chaplin once entered a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest and did not make it. Ha! ( source: one of my all time fave light reading You are One Third Daffodil )

This is the last Monday in the month of January 2012 and today, I have to do one of the toughest thing for the first time this year. This year, I repeat. I have done some major, life altering, heart breaking decisions before ;).  

Wish me luck. To become a character so great that you can change the world is never possible if you are not willing to do the very first step of changing your life. And I am about to do so.

And allow me to add that whatever it is  that I am doing in life is just a part of God's plan. To Him be the glory, man shall not boast. 

(Today is  the anniversary of Gandhi's death 30 January 1948 (aged 78) New Delhi, Dominion of India)

Awesome Monday is inspired from this tumblr .

Dear God, I am sorry if we have to meet this way

In between pillars. Down the shady road
My room. My journal. My grandmother's kitchen
By the shore. Under the tree

I know You are there

You are majestic. You are exquisite. You are infinite

Omnipresent they say, not that I get what it means

They say I should not worry about walls and roof of a church

I should not be broken hearted 

I should not lament especially because now I cannot spend some of the offering money on sweets

I am sorry about that by the way

But maybe once in a while, God... 

I want to show you how sweet and special you mean to me

That dress Mom bought me? I want to wear it to see You at Your house

I know You love all your child just the same but I have a feeling that You will notice me in that dress.

A red dress with embroidered daises on its collar.  Have you seen it?

Maybe once in a while, I want to stand there and sing for You with my trembling voice and pounding heart
Maybe I jut miss the old smell of the wooden chairs. I want to see what kind of flowers they put this time. What colour of candles

Does it have a scent? The candles, I mean

My understanding of You is this simple and I want nothing more
I know You through a million little pieces
I am a child and if being a child is the only way to keep the sweetest and purest relationship with You.... I think I'd like to stay this way
If You allow... of course

And God, I do not think I am going to let you see me in that dress anytime soon
And no one can tell me when will I could

Mom said I should talk to You about it
Well, I think it's a bit weird because I believe You were not the one who forbids me to come
I did not argue with her. I know You will not like it if I do so

But... I promise I am going to keep seeing you.

It's just that... I am sorry, if we have to meet this way...

In between pillars. Down the shady road. 

My room.

My journal. My grandmother's kitchen
By the shore. Under the tree.

TB

ps: For houses of prayers out there being banned to grow. GKI Yasmin.

Saying Images

Choosing your reason to laugh

So you and I both have heard about this tragedy. Truth be  told: I was being reluctant to hear all the updates since bad and raging comments have gone viral.
Happened a few days ago in Jakarta, an under drugs driver and friends drove their car in a full speed, crashing 8  pedestrians over the sidewalk. Send them all to a sudden death. 8 lives. It was a bright sunny day. That day.
 

Facebook status updates, broadcast messages and twitter time line seems to erupt with sympathy and encouraging words... But, it also mounting up with anger, curses, and the worst thing of all... jokes. Both in words and far too creative pictures that are beyond mean and loathsome.

Sickening indeed.

My sense of humor is somewhat dry if not dark. But when it comes to other people's misery in real life... oh sweethearts, I zip my mouth. Zipped.
Other people's anguish is never my reason to laugh. 
It is not my kind of comedy.

As much as as it breaks my heart, as much as it disgusts me to know that the driver was actually driving -high on drugs- out from a drugs party (whatever they name that)...  I know that hateful swearing will not going to undo the accident. No families of the deceased will  ever be healed by it.

With all my modest knowledge, unlimited faith... I trust the law will handle this with all their legal force and in all fairness.
I'd rather be hopeful in my silence than destructive in my own words.
Pray so that hearts with lost ones will found strength to carry on. Somehow it helps me to feel thankful for life too.
If you cannot wish the villain a well gained experience for them to repent... stop right there. Not all issues are in line, awaiting our judgment. The world is heavy enough with bad karma and hatred. Let us not partake.

So excuse me if I have to be this blunt. Excuse me for declining that funny picture about the accident you sent earlier, or  for deleting the catchy "funny"phrase you managed to find. 
Excuse me for not responding to comments and jokes about this that you shared all across every channel.
Knowing what to say is a good thing. But understanding what not to say... is admirable. Is an absolute sign that your heart is as gigantic as your broaden mind.
There are still many other ways to laugh... 

Marigold: Symbol of pain and grieve

Inspiration Sunday: 45 Lessons

Happy Sunday! This article below is written by a 90 Year Old Regina Brett, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio. I agree that this is something we should all read at least once a week:)  I took the liberty to bold ones I like and or learning to understand at this very moment. 

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.. 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it. 9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 12. It's OK to let your children see you cry. 13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. 14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. 15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks. 16. Take a deep breath It calms the mind. 17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. 18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. 19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else. 20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer. 21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special. 22. Over prepare, then go with the flow. 23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple. 24. The most important sex organ is the brain. 25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you. 26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words :'In five years, will this matter?' 27. Always choose life.. 28. Forgive everyone everything. 29. What other people think of you is none of your business. 30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time. 31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. 32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 33. Believe in miracles. 34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do. 35. Don't audit life.. Show up and make the most of it now. 36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young. 37. Your children get only one childhood. 38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere. 40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back. 41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. 42. The best is yet to come... 43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. 44. Yield. 45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."