This morning, I had a short but sweet and deep conversation with my partner. We were talking about... losing a parent (yep, before coffee) and he asked me one rhetorical honest question: "I seriously do not know what it's going to be like if /when my Dad passed away."
We did not continue it to a long comforting conversation as we normally do because adulthood was calling, and we have to rush our way to work. However, I got the chance to tell him this as I am grabbing my towel: "Well, it kinda sucks."
And here's why...
It is. Kinda sucks. And it does not matter how many times you've read comforting Bible verses or words or poetry or listen to religious songs, it still is not the same. Nothing is going to bring your demise parents back. It will be cool if something can but it is also somewhat scary. So I am sticking with suck.
It sucks when you got a promotion and you got that "corner office", and you just wanted to share it first with your Dad/Mom. But for obvious reasons, you cannot.
When you finally found the man that you truly love and the only opinion that matters for you about him is your Dad's? It sucks too. Like, meh.
It sucks when you are dining at a fine restaurant that you could not afford ten years ago when your parents were still around. And when you think of them at the restaurant, chances are, you need to go to the restroom to re do your eye-make-up so the waiter will not assume that you just got dumped.
But if you do, get dumped, it suck less because you did not have to see your Dad's sad eyes too.
For my sister, it sucks for her when she got married without him walking her down the aisle the same year Dad passed away.
For my one and only brother, it sucks when he has no one to share his dream girl idea with someone that can be an ideal role model.
It sucks when you realized you have picked the wrong tiles for your house. But what can you do? Your engineer Dad was not around.
It sucks that he will never get to know your future children and they will never hear him sing and play the piano.
And when you hear a beautiful song, or watch an enthralling movie... and you know the one person who is going to enjoy them as much as you... but he/she is not around?
I sucks big time.To the bone.
My sweethearts and most especially my partner, shall the time come for you to say goodbye to your parents... I cannot tell you it is going to get better. Because for me, honestly, it will be better if I have him in my life forever.
But I can tell you that... slowly, you will learn to smile and laugh again.
I do this mind trick sometimes: "So my Dad will never watch that new box office movie with me, but hey... do I really think I can change his mind about The Godfather Trilogy? Nope."
Someday, no rush... you will accept the fact that...it is okay to be happy without them. And that if you do, it does not mean that you have forgotten about them.
Because you and I know, that will never happen.