Being single in my 30s

I am in my 30s and living as a single woman.
Here's a few secret you may not know about a woman like me.
Prepare to be blown away, or might as well stop reading this if you don't feel like it. Yes, I live alone in my little loft. It does not mean that I am living in despair. It just means that I have had my shot in the past and now still looking for better ones for me to orchestrate. I am seeking for  new experiences to explore. If it takes a few moments of being content with my self as a start , it is alright. I am happy with it. Maybe this is a phase. Maybe this is just a pause. But I know, this is not my final destination. Tho even if it is, I know I am in no rush to justify.

So, I have a dude as an assistant. It does not mean that I am a work freak- crazy dragon lady walking in heels, owning no other life and able to eat you alive. 
It does not mean that I am the type of a woman who can easily make a girl assistant cry, it does not mean that I am taking pleasure by telling men what to do, let them do errands for me, or reading me my agenda for the day. And by the way, I wear flats at work.

Having a dude as an assistant does not mean that I am in thirsts for being superior towards men. It just means that I honor the big heart of that particular man- to be willing to work and learning together with a woman. A woman of imperfection like me.

I am a Ms. - to this day. Every invitations, bank statements and letters I received still states my last name from my late father and truth is, I love it. I am a Ms. and it does not mean that my identity is incomplete. Because I have learned that, being a Mrs. may not guarantee you the best of whatever this universe can carry. It has nothing to do with your title, nor your last name. But it is, to heart.

I do casual dating only because I want to. Not because I am in desperate need to settle down. Because, news flash; settling down does not merely mean that you have to tie the knot and breed away. To my imperfect understanding, settling down is being secure and content with all you have. Never having a slight twirls of "What if... "
I am settled.

If my pay check is reaching a certain digit it makes your eyes roll, it does not mean that I am considering work as the center of my life. It just means that I am lucky to have found a place that appreciates my skill, and that my great creator is using me as a channel to be a blessing to the people I love. If as a single, I can fulfill the needs of the people I love, is it too stupid if I expect I should still be able to do the same when I am in a relationship? 

My womb had never carried a baby to its full term. It does not mean that I am a less of a woman than you are. I suffered a lost you may never bear. And I hope you never will. However, instead of being bitter, I embrace the truth that it may not be the time for me just yet. I am grateful with the fact that it does not stop the love of a motherhood to burst out of me and it does not disable me from showering that to people in need. Motherhood is not limited to giving birth to your own flesh and blood. Be thankful if you have that luxury, but look around you; other woman who may have not become a birth mother can do your job better while you probably are not doing your very best at it. Easy, I said probably. 

You asked me; If you have no children, who will be taking care of you when you get old? 
Oh dear, that is exactly what distinguish me from you. I do not think of a child as an investment for my grey old days. I think of them as a masterpiece I need to take care, I help to mold... and by the time- to let go.

I am in my 30s , single and living a full life of happiness. Waking up every morning to an excitement of my day, to hear news from the surroundings, to be able to make my voice count big time, to know that I am needed. To know that I can ask for help. To fall in and out of love again and again. I am learning, hurting, healing. Creating the very woman inside of me and it just happen that I need to do it alone at this stage. 
If I someday be a man's better half, I am learning to create my very self too, in another level. In a different act. Different plot.  That's all. 

So, mind me if we are not walking on the same track now. It does not mean that I am a better person than you already are, nor you are closer to perfection compared to me. It just means that people have their own way of fulfilling and creating live. It is that simple.
For now, only if you want to know, on a regular day... I can go home to a remedy, sipping a glass of cab-sav, or a cup of coffee if want to stay awake longer, playing my favorite music, knowing I can call whoever I want to call, dress up and go out if I want to ... or being left alone when I feel like it. I am in my 30s. 31 to be exact. Not married (again) yet. And I am just as happy as you probably ever be.

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