Oct 20, 2011

Pieces of mind of a Divorcée

No matter how many times I tell myself that such letter of acknowledgment is far from necessary, the alter part of me is more intrigued by the therapeutic affect it may bring.  Therefore I am writing this down. All this train of thought that seems to be overflowing. For all the women out there in this so called world in whichever end they are standing.

Here it goes; 
If any of you knows anyone who is entering a marriage but picturing a divorce at the end of it, please let me know. Because to this very second I know no one.

Funny enough, not only that I thought of a divorce as something that will never happen, I never believe in a fairy tale kind of life too.

I am (to this day) a very realistic person. I believe that there is no such thing as soul mate either. Relationship is something that you have to work on. I believe in no “Mr Right” just as much as I do not believe in the existance of a “Mrs. Right”.

To me, all those luxury need to be earned. No magic. No “heaven related”.

Foremost, let me declare this; my understanding and or proclamation of a divorce is not because I do not believe in the glory of God bestowed in the marriage. But, because I further believe that God also gives the same extent of glory in the happiness of each of his creations. Human being is one absolute creation.  A divorce happened with all the consciousness any couple could ever experienced. By choice. Free will. Not by fate.

  • No one. No one ever plan this at the beginning of their marriage. So stop analyzing this as a force of habit, or as if you have read the signs from the beginning. Don’t start saying “Ah… I knew it…. “. Chances are; you don’t.
  • It took a couple a lot of pain to be able to step into this decision. As a couple, they are shattered. As an individual, they hit rock bottom. So no matter one part can get the most prominent blame, truth is… no one is actually hurt less. So please, spare the judgment.
  • Not every divorcée receives alimony. Never question why. It is her decision, her will, her choice. Save your wanders of guessing the reason behind this decision. Mind your own business.
  • There were nights when she broke down crying for a mercy from God. That is all she needed to do. Most of the time, people always think a divorcée is obliged to explain everything to everyone. The answer is no.
  • If she seems  carefree, attractive and sometimes like a seductive goddess, that is simply the cause of an endorphin release. It took her a lot to get there. That’s all. Something that has been holding her from that path is gone. Let her breathe. She is happy now. She deserves to be.
  • If you suspiciously think that all divorcée are in a mission to take your boyfriend or husband’s attention from you, your relationship need help.
  • There was probably something missing from her in the marriage. Not about the marriage- but about her. Something that used to be hers, but was slipping away. Something she used to claim as her true inner identity, but vanishes along the way. Now that she is divorced, she may run as fast as she can to look for that missing piece again. Going all crazy eyes and in such energy to just be herself again. Let.her.be.
  • She can talk hours and hours about her “awakening” dream. A dream she realizes was being in neglect. Be her friend. Listen to her. You know those starry eyes of hers? Those are her reflection of new hopes. She is not asking for a sympathy. But, ultimately need a friend’s support.
  • If she's with children, understand this; Her children are the most important and influential thing in her life. In them she found strength, either to be able to fall in and out of love again, or to live in such honor one day at a time. In them, she found that there is something worth treasure behind all the misery she has been living on. If you ever want to be part in her life, accept that fact. Be in that fact.
  • Her past, folded her to be less… less judgmental. Saucy self secret? Tell her. She will keep your secret save; she will say no bitter comment.
  • So she will second guess your purpose, she will resent you at first. Understand that this is not about you. She needs time.
  • And on the other hand, if she is into you and you are not; man up and tell her that. Tell her that you are not interested and just want to remain friends. She is a big girl. She will appreciate you for that. And trust me- she is mature enough to still treat you as a friend.
  • If you ever win her heart… Delight in it. Embrace her within. She will show you that she is worth every flaws, every broken heart, every trials and every fight.

One day, she will stand on her own again. In the perfect place she found most comfortable at after one major acceptance. Where you can recognize her again because she finally is at her peace. When she finally is her very self, again. She is beyond ready to move on. Be it alone, or with another person.

ps: to my sweet friend MOB(and..self)


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