What are you suck at?

It is easy to talk about what you are good at. Or, things that are easy for you to comprehend, be it at work or in relationships.

But when it comes to your ‘areas that need of improvement’ …. Hmmm. Will you  be that bluntly honest? Is it too weird for us to talk about: “What are you suck at?”
Let me try...

I suck at … relationships. No surprise eh? I can say I am a great starter in relationships. I have the ability to keep the distance but also to keep up with little perks to the day we can finally be an item. I know how much men love their freedom and trust me, I can give them that privilege while being in an intimate relationship.

But as time travels, I will start ...to... freak out. This the phase when I start to have an over bearing anxiety about getting hurt and I will easily bail out of relationship the second I am sensing something is wrong. 
Fixing it sounds too exhausting. And I don’t want to risk my heart being hurt for real. Classic? Wait till you read this.... I am a big 'loner'. So giving my space (be it time, a drawer, bed, nights in, day off)  is a big time compromise. I mean, big. If I allow you to be part of it, it means I really like you. To the rim!

At this very moment, I am learning to fight against this habit. Haha... I know, the word fight might sounds like an exaggeration but if you are in my shoes, you will understand why I am using that particular word. To make this not so stressful, I learn to start talking about things instead of avoiding conflict. I accept the fact that in relationship, there will always a time when your ideas cannot go together, when you are being hurt or when you –be it with your consciousness or not- hurt your loved one, when your space is not always yours all the time (oh my)… You cannot avoid that. I just need to make sure I am with the one who is worth fighting for.

And even to most people this is not a surprising fact, for me... this is new. At the age of 32? Oh yes. That's downright pathetic.

I suck at relationships. But admitting this, is half the battle for me in the process of doing it better. 

Bear with me.

Don't ask :)

Five People

I read "Tuesdays with Morrie" a few years before I fall for "The five people you meet in Heaven". This is not a book review, I am just wondering; If you have the liberty to decide on who are the people you will be seeing in Heaven.... Can you name them easily?

Foremost... My Dad Luther Hutasoit, my grandfather Andersen Simanjuntak, grandfather Alfred Hutasoit, the genius Pramoedya Ananata Toer and... Charlie Chaplin :)

Awesome People Hanging Out Together: Awesome Friends

Good morning! 

This Monday's Awesome People post is not taken from the uber cool tumblr like usual... But instead, from my own image library.
This is to bid a farewell that we have renamed to a 'Till We meet Again', to Silvia (the beautiful girl in white shirt) and Nicolas-her husband. Our dearest friends who have taken another opportunity in Kota Kinabalu. 

The ladies in the picture are my besties... Awesome ladies!

This is not our first picture together and I can assure you this is also not the last. Will  capture some more moments again... maybe not soon... But we will!

 

ps: I was on my way to a work event at that particular time, so please excuse my fashion failure at the beach *grin

Taree, Tressabel, Silvia, Fiftin

Pet Peeve(s)

I just had this conversation with a friend. She told me that she is so frustrated by how hard it is for her roommate to decide where to go for dinner! Hahaha! So we examined her discomfort as a pet peeve. Little things or actions that someone or something does that aggravates, frustrates, or annoys you.

Here are some of mine that I hope will not make people cringe;

• I am easily annoyed by people who make business calls or text before 9 am and or after 8 pm. That's just annoying. Sure there are emergencies, and an over-continent conference call somehow cannot be avoided, but if you can wait to a decent hour (especially that we know we are not brain surgeons), please do so. If you cannot, at least... a simple word of sorry before the call would suffice. 
• Coming late for appointments? Please, don't. 
• People I just met asking for blackberry PIN. There is a fine line sweety... Phone number is enough already, I guess. And what makes you think we need to communicate that intense after just one casual meeting?
• A holiday inquiry that is just not yet narrowed down. I live in this island to work my a## off, not to be a '24 hour' holiday consultant for people who only text me for this matter and be gone after. That my friend... is so annoying.
• Ashtrays full with cigarette butts . Weird? I know. But it gives me goosebumps :( eeeksss!
• And,  this one that is well put by someecards below...

ps: Do you have any? Are you being open about it?

someecards

Inspiration Sunday: Bible Calendar

Gingham Dare

Fashion time!
I am in a serious crush with Gingham pattern,  especially in shirts! 
This does not mean that I am abandoning my paroxysm in striped pattern, white shirt, and classic style... No. 
I just have a new eye candy now and I  want to spruce up my wardrobe with them.
Where to buy... where to buy?

Walking Around (I am loving the pink and the blue!)

Tinywhitedaisies

Loving Friday: The health that comes from being alone

Last week, I posted a writing on how I enjoy doing a few things and chores  alone. This quote is diminishing my guilt a bit :)

Now I do not feel weird as much....

Pinterest

Michelle Obama and Bo

Look at this picture of First Lady Michelle Obama and Bo :) Can this be anymore cuter?

I just read a photo article  about how Bo knows his way around the garden at the White House... (and that he loves to nibble a broccoli!)

Do you have a dog?  I think I am starting to feel this urge of having one waggling tail here in Bali... Soon I hope :)

Woof you!

People

Not a farewell note

Ask me what is the topic I hate the most to write about? Farewell. I hate it but at the same time it has its eery power to make me feel better. So here goes...

I learned that the value of a friendship is not merely measured by how long you have been together as a friend. It is not defined by your race, things you have in common, and ... surprisingly, not by how many drinks at a crazy fun night out you have been through together. 

When we met early last year... An effortless friendship was made. It was not difficult for me to talk to you and share stories... To laugh about the same thing and at the same time worry about different things. You even caught me off guard and cry one time (or maybe two!). I cannot tell you how much I hope you feel the same too about this friendship. The way we can talk and share things from different perspective, how you have been a great support to me by sharing me insights in life, our quiz nights, countless eating out... and how we strangely love the same type of clothes, cheese and liquorice !

So my friend, it breaks my heart too, to realize that I was not there for you the past months... which apparently the last months of us living in the same island. Let the explanation stays between us two... I just want to thank you for being incredibly understanding.... 

And no matter how reluctant I was with this move you make ... I am standing to be the best support now and wish you all the good force the universe may carry (whilst at the same time hoping you will never find anyone who can replace me!) Haha!

Again, I hate saying goodbye... So this letter has to stop now before I break down crying... Take this as a simple way to let you know how much you mean to me and that I wish to always be be part in your life and in your family ;)...
Hugs and kisses to you...  Silvia, Nico... and someone I wish to see someday in the near future :)

Mark Twain's quote

Dear Mark Twain, well said :)

HipHipGinGin

Tinted Beauty

Have you read about this before? This is leaving me with a mixed feeling...

Why Chin Women had Tattoos on their Face: 

The Chin were adored for their beauty and King’s would come to villages to steal men’s wives. As a measure against their women being stolen, village elders started tattooing teenage girls to make them ‘ugly’. 
The tradition stuck and over generations eventually lost its original meaning of ugliness and came to represent courage, beauty and strength.

Embelllish

Modern Family

Season three! 
DND

ABC

To my first Love

The thing is… I know this is not getting any better. The more I try to forget about you, the more vivid your image is captivating my mind. I miss you more every day and I know that sounds silly… You probably are sick with me posting about this, but… this is the only way I can feel better.

Never a second that I doubt that you are in a better place… But still. I cannot stop missing you and asking what would you think of me now? About the woman that I become…Are you proud of me?

In a few months, my other sister is going to deliver a baby… What would you name the little bundle of joy if you were still around?

I am so happy with my job, what would you suggest me to do to keep it up?

I just miss having you around. That’s all I can say.

Ps: This might crack you up, but EURO 2012 is the main reason why I am in such mellow mood of missing you.

Happy Father’s Day, Luther Hutasoit.

Because for me, Father’s Day is the day to celebrate every sons’ ‘first hero’ and every daughters’ ‘first love’. And you know what you are to me…

Pinterest

Inspiration Sunday: Pray about it

Please excuse the pause on Inspiration Sunday. I may have not been so much inspired these days… And when I stumble upon this quote… I finally know why…

I have been too busy with my own mind and problems as if I can make everything better by just handling it myself, worrying, nag about it and lamenting over and over again.

Result; not working. Clearly.

So thank you, word of God…, I should look up to you at the very first place…. Now, I am about to go down on my knees and talk to you about what I have been trying to hold on to, things I been trying to solve myself.

Are you there?

Pinterest



A Writer's Snacks

At work, I am not a real big fan of snacking tho I love a big breakfast and big lunch while trying not to have big dinner at all times. When I write, I write better without food around me. A full tummy, a tall tumbler of coffee and some music. That's all I need.

For years... I always think that most people who write are accompanied with nothing different than those three.

So when I found this cute graphic, not only that I now realize how wrong I was, I am starting to wonder... 
Will my writings be any different if I munch  crackers or drink a different kind of beverage?

I have a box of weet-bix bites, bananas and cheese. 
Let's see what they can bring to my ideas :)

Nerd Quirk

Leave me alone... (sometimes)

I have a thing.

Well everybody has. But this thing I am about to dish is a bit… errr… some might say; weird.

Here goes.... I have a constant need to be alone.
This is not limited to living alone like what I am doing now, but to do things like; shopping, book-hunting, eating out (yes, I can sit comfortably eating lunch or dinner at a restaurant), sun basking, movie marathon at home and, … did I say book hunting?

I never really tell people why and how I picked this habit, maybe because I really do not know the real answers are. I just love it. Not that I will put on a sour face when hanging out with friends, I need and love that too… However, most of the time, I prefer to do things alone.

Allow me to try reasoning it down;

I do not feel comfortable having people waiting on me, whilst at a book store, I can spend hours and hours. I will feel rushed and start to worry that I am making them bored or annoyed.

When it comes to shopping for wardrobe and or shoes, opinions tend to make me confused than assured . I can do that once in a while though but...not every month. So, again, I worry if I make people uncomfortable.

My job requires a lot of communication activities be it by writing or speaking. Be it for the journalists, colleagues or team. You have to meet a lot of people; you are expected to always be creative and pacing in a speed of a bullet with ideas…  

So, by the time I reach home, I feel like I need to switch to - shut the f-up- mode. As simple as that. I do not really like a busy and chatty weeknights. I enjoy being with my only mind wolfing my dinner (no, never by the sink), listen to some music or watch corny serials. Phone? Silent mode baby… silent mode.

I know I am nowhere near a banker or a brain surgeon so I cannot really say that my working day is as chaotic or as stressful. But I deserve a quiet week nights. Trust me; I am a better person after all those ‘alone therapy’.

So that is that. Nothing has the tiniest thing to do with you.

CHANGE

Hujan Bulan Juni

“To read a poem in January is as lovely as to go for a walk in June.” Jean-Paul Sartre.

And to welcome the 6th month of the year, I want to share one of the most beautiful poem from my favorite Indonesian author... ever; Sapardi Djoko Damono

Tak ada yang lebih tabah dari hujan bulan Juni / Dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya 

kepada pohon berbunga itu

Tak ada yang lebih bijak dari hujan bulan Juni/ Dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya 

yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

Tak ada yang lebih arif dari hujan bulan Juni/ Dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu...

70 Tahun Sapardi Djoko Damono, Maret 2010