Feb 28, 2013

Refuse to Grow

You start to feel not too excited about your birthdays. And you avoid relationship because you are afraid of the scary and hurtful tolls it may bring. And you start to care about your weight (too much), and grey hair and mortgage and savings. Play-dough can no longer be your stress remedy and when you want to watch cartoon movies in theater you feel like you have to bring an alibi. 
You have to come up with reasons and justifications in most of the decisions you make. Your life falls apart, you went through break-ups, divorce, and being pushed to start dating again. You build your confidence back and hide things from your family because you want them to see you just fine. Perfectly fine. Crawl into your parents bed? Pffft.. you cannot do that.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich? You only devour them at home because you worry people at work will raise their eyebrow, not too sure whether they think you were ridiculous or that they just spotted the most genius pairing of food ever. You are not sure. You always are. Not only about those people and PBJ sandwich, but in most things in life. Not sure if your singing is beautiful, not sure if your boss like you, not sure if you are making the right move, not sure if the guy you met is into you or not. 

You care too much about what people think, in every.single.thing. Even when it comes to what you are wearing, and if you were just like any normal kid back in the day, you would not.

You cannot take naps and you regret the fact that you used to hate them. You start taking more than 1 health plan. 
You have that stinging urge to always be making sense, and to look normal and to always have a purpose (even when you feel like you actually don’t). 
You are afraid to be crazy imaginative... You mean, what would people think?.

Now you know. Why Peter Pan did not want to grow up.

Now you get him.

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