Only the good spirits stay

The Balinese Hindu marks the new year with Nyepi Day, or silent day. A 24hr of meditation, where everyone on the island is mandated to stay in their homes, not turn on light, and simply meditate.

It is believed that when we "play dead", evil spirits will be tricked into believing that the island is empty, therefore... he will leave.

This is my 11th Nyepi and I've never wished for the Bhuta Kala to be gone as hard as I am praying today.

Photo from Tribun Bali

Happy International Women’s Day. Now what?

First held in New York City on February 28, 1909 as “Women’s Day”, the United Nations first celebrated International Women’s Day on March 8th, 1975, making this year’s celebration the 46th International Women’s Day. The second one to be held during the Covid-19 pandemic period.

This is also the year where David Bowie’s question, “Is there life on Mars?” may soon be answered. Meanwhile a long list remains of unmet women’s demands. Legal and political equality, freedom from violence, gender discrimination in the workplace, to name but a few. And do not forget   a griming fact of women being paid 11 percent less than male counterparts.

Every 8th March, we look forward to seeing trending hashtags and relevant postings, pictures and quotes highlighting the topic. The future is female, girl boss, viva vagina. I am all up for it. But put your screen down for a second, preferably after you read this, and ask yourselves: How can we reduce this list of unmet demands? 

We do not need to wait for the day to launch our own company and hire hundreds of women. 

There are also small steps we can take at home and work on a daily basis. Following this year’s theme #ChooseToChallenge, here are some, but please feel free to add more of your own ideas!

    Illustration by @runiscribbles

1. Pick a cause and stick with it. It can be a support group for victims of abuse, signing a petition supporting a legislative bill for the elimination of sexual violence (RUU PKS... DPR, we are looking at you), or participate in campaigns and small businesses founded by women. You can also check here: UNWomen 

2. If you have a woman working for you at home; a helper, a gardener, or a dog-carer, ask them this: “Do you have your own bank account? Be prepared to hear them say “No.” or “No, but my husband does.” 

Accompany them to the bank, help with the application form and suggest that you transfer their salary into that account. Owning something with your name on it is truly a positive boost for self-actualization. And that is a big step in owning their identity as they begin to consider saving for the future. 

 3. If you are Indonesian, you will be familiar with the BPJS. This government-funded insurance scheme is a world apart from the smooth-sailing process you get if you enter a private hospital - but it is still a huge help for those in need. I am nowhere near to close in working with them, nor am I part of the government force, but with bittersweet experience with family members fighting cancer, I can say first hand that BPJS works - big time! The lowest premium is less than IDR 50,000 per month, and I like to believe we can all afford to absorb that for our maid or gardener. Once that they have that sense of security, their work ethic and loyalty will be even stronger

4. Some domestic workers cannot afford to pay someone to watch their kids while they work. So, allow them to bring their kid to work if possible. Set some ground rules but let them understand that you are doing this so that she (your maid) can work and provide for her family (for example, in my case, my helper’s kid cannot play with some of my dogs, as they are very wary of strangers) 

5. It is time for the media and also us, to stop prefixing job titles with gender: for example, FEMALE CEO, FEMALE Chef, and FEMALE General Manager. Unless we want to cite MALE in every single professional position too

6. Have conversations with young girls about their favourite sports, most exciting subject at school (three of the girls I asked said: Recess and Maths!), and what they like most about their friends and family. We tend to default to commenting on their looks and their clothes, things we do not ask boys! They are good conversations, but there is more to little girls than only that. And that is on us

7. Understand an individual’s right to choose. Women can decide to live their lives differently. Differently from one another. Differently from social expectations. Differently from their mother’s, and father’s, expectations. Differently from family and friend’s expectations. It is an individual’s choice that is not an attack to others just because it's different.

So often we are caught up in society’s construct of “ideal” that we judge other women for their way of life, and sometimes, we lean into the nuance of sexism, bigotry, and sometimes victim-blaming. “Why are you still unmarried?” “Why not a natural birth instead of a C-section?” “Are you sure you can be a full-time working mum, without a tradeoff someplace?” 

But toxic patriarchy is not the only force we need to confront. There is an equally toxic so-called culture amongst us women, where we are too quick to judge other women, instead of understanding, supporting and seeing the bigger picture. Let us be careful that a woman’s worse enemy does not become other women. 

If you have already decided on your next move, let’s pick up our smart gadget again and post your hashtags to celebrate this important day!

What do you miss the most about pre-pandemic life?

Someone asked me this and in a split second I answered: “Money.” I immediately felt guilty, realising my answer makes me sound like the most materially-minded person on earth. 

It gives an impression of me being the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or someone that has made the “Thrifty before 40” list. I am not one of them. So I fine-tuned my answer: “I miss the pace of business that I used to deal with; how clients signed contracts and my income was constant.” 

 That was pretty much the end of the light conversation. But me being me, most conversations continue chattering in my head a long time after they have ended. Having an ideal business pace (how it was before the pandemic to be exact) or steady income is guaranteed to dib the biggest pie chart in this equation. We can read all the financial reports and outlooks that The Economist magazine publishes pivot on our strategies, but deep inside we know that worry and wonder are lurking still. Put that aside for now as we all know there is more to life than only money. 

Here are some of the things that I miss from life before this (again, ugh…) pandemic: 

 1. Not feeling like there is a weight on my shoulders. Literally and figuratively. I miss not having to pop painkillers as often as I do today because my migraine is throbbing from all the uncertainty 

2. I miss being able to travel, flying (despite my fear) to see family anytime I wanted to. I did not use that privilege as often when I had the chance to, and it’s saddening 

3. Seeing Bali busy. I miss entering a packed restaurant and to see if the wait staff are smiling (today, we can only guess it from their squinting eyes. Joining traditional ceremonies that are dotted with people in their Sunday best, and reading news about how hotels are fully booked. Missing that too! 

4. Going to bookstores and hanging out there for hours picking out new reads without having to apply hand sanitizers every five minutes, or every time after I touched a book. Shopping online works for so many but there is something about a bookstore experience that no online shopping can aid. Also, how can you buy a book without smelling them first? 

5. Arranging my marathon races! And there will be a post solely on this subject. Keep an eye out.

An INTJ through and through, I have to admit my social life may not make it to my list’s top five. Although I do understand how it can be a positive influence for those who gain their energy from frequently being with others. I want that to happen again too. 

 How about you?

(Illustration from The Quint)