How to talk to Little Girls

I stumbled upon a GREAT article How to Talk to Little Girls by Lisa Bloom, which encourages adults to ask little girls about ideas and books, instead of complementing their looks. Ouch. Was I being completely wrong the whole time?

from Pinterest

Forever be my baby?

I just got off the phone with my sister Volent. We were talking about her son, my nephew. His new hobbies, his new friends... How time flies and just in a blink of an eye, Joseph is going to be 5 in May this year.
Are you a momma? Do you experience that happy but aching feeling witnessing your little one(s) growing up? Do you -not so secretly- wish for them to go back being your baby? Did you silently wipe your tears when he finally let your hands go as he walked into his classroom and say " I am alright Mama... you can go now" ?

For my dear sister, allow me to share this picture of Joseph Kiyoshi when he was 1 year old- reading his first bible I got for him. And post a beautiful poem that got me all teary :) 

ps: Stay blessed, healthy and happy, our cheeky Joseph!

Can I Carry You?

by Brad Anderson

I guess that I can hold you
one more time before you grow.
And tell you that I love you
so that you will always know.
Please let me tie your shoe again.
One day you'll tie your own.
And when you think back to this time
I hope it's love I've shown...

continue reading

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

This is a lively read, written with the intent to shock. More controversial is Chua’s stereotyping of Chinese and Western cultures, not to mention her authoritarian parenting methods. 

Quite the contrary of how I was brought up and definitely not my first choice on how to raise my own children someday, but hey, how would you know yours is the best if you would not want to pay a glance to other opinions and experiences? 

I only got to page 29 since I first read it this early evening but I know this is one of the one that is almost impossible for me to let go before I get to the last page. 

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

On Future

You know how I not so secretly hoping, dreaming, planning to have my own children someday? Two boys and a girl to be precise. Yes, I am a detail freak when it comes to dreams :). Well, when I browse through this page containing heartwarming images of children hanging out, playing, doing chores and what not, this particular image struck me and I just want to post it here. As a little reminder, way to vision my dream better :). My children having a good time at the beach? Sounds very very real.

by John Dolan , uploaded from Momfilter

Surprise your dad at the office

Trust me, whatever I'm doing is not as important as you.

From this page

Dear Son,

Ok, let me tell you a not so much of a secret: I want to be a mother someday. To add, I want my first to be a boy. Reason? Do I really need one? These are things we want out of love, I believe. And I don't always have to be reasonable. If my first turn out to be a girl, I know I am going to shower her with my crazy love too :) 

So, when I found out about this book (doing the usual- book browsing), I cannot stop thinking about it. The book is originally sourced from this adorable blog 1001 Rules for My Unborn Son by Walker Lamond, where he reveals everyday maxims about how to be a great man, like : Never turn down an invitation to speak in public, Have a signature look, Thank the bus driver, Surprise your dad at the office... and many more!

Sounds and looks more like a book that a Father give to their son, but it's not going to hurt for a mother (and or a mother to be) to take a glimpse or two:)

ps: No, there is no bun here in the oven just yet (wink)

Your Baby's hobbies

Here's another post about my nephew Joseph Kiyoshi. Just wondering, if you are a Mom of a toddler, what are the things that keep your baby busy? I am sure that your day can be just as heavy or maybe even more than a single working woman and you will appreciate a few minutes of being-left alone. Read a magazine, talk over the phone, drink a glass of wine or else. The thing is you know that you have to make sure your active little tot will not be bored or will have something to be given his or her attention too . At least for that so needed 15 minutes of "me time" you are desperate for. Well, if I may say....My sister is so lucky because her baby boy has many-many interests... :)

Books! This he reallllly loves

see?

napping with the dog

playing "drums"

and some other musical instruments

and playing dress up :))

Saya dan Sepeda mini dari majalah Bobo

Saya punya banyak pengalaman indah masa kecil. Kenangan pahit juga tak kalah banyak, tapi itu kurang menarik untuk dibahas. Salah satu kenangan yang tiba-tiba terlintas adalah mengenai betapa saya sangat menikmati lembar demi lembar majalah anak-anak, Bobo. Saya lupa, hadirnya setiap hari apa. Mungkin Selasa. Selain cerita mengenai keluarga kelinci yang menurut saya manis, saya juga selalu terpesona oleh cerita Nirmala dan Oki, bahkan tips-tips yang berkaitan dengan prakarya sekolah atau hal berbau PKK lainnya. Cerita pendek didalamnya juga sering saya baca berulang-ulang. Saat itu, Bobo sarat pesan tapi tidak terlalu berlebihan. Saya tidak tahu bagaimana bobotnya sekarang. Semoga semakin baik.

Hal lain yang selalu jadi penyemangat saya adalah majalah ini memiliki rubrik kuis yang mengharuskan kita menjawab beberapa pertanyaan, mengirimkan foto atau cerita singkat. Hadiah utamanya… Sebuah sepeda mini!

Setiap minggunya, akan ada foto seorang anak sekolah- seusia saya saat itu- berpose di depan sepeda mini barunya bersama kepala sekolah (karena Bobo mengirimkan si sepeda mini ke sekolah, mengingat kampanyenya sebagai teman bermain dan belajar).

Hmm.. sepeda mini yang cantik mengilap, dengan boncengan di belakang dan keranjang di depan.

Jadi saya punya mau. Saya mau tampil di majalah, bersama kepala sekolah saya yang galak, memegang sepeda mini hadiah dari majalah Bobo. Semua kuis dan sayembara, pertanyaan dan macam-macam lainnya saya ikuti. Jawaban pertanyaan cukup kita tulis diatas selembar kartu pos (saya ingat warnanya oranye pucat dan tipis sekali), tempelkan perangko, kirim lewat kantor pos. Beres. Tinggal berdoa, berharap mujizat berbentuk roda dua dengan boncengan di belakang dan keranjang di depan itu hadir di hadapan kita. Hadiah lain juga ada, “bingkisan”misalnya (entah isinya apa). Tapi tak ada yang lebih berkilau dari sebuah sepeda mini! Tak ada yang pakai embel-embel bonus berfoto bersama kepala sekolah.Menabung di celengan ayam saat itu bukan menjadi pilihan, karena itu artinya saya harus beli,bukan menang kuis, dan tidak bisa masuk majalah Bobo. Jadilah saya melahap kuis-kuis tersebut.

from flickr

Bisa ditebak, tidak pernah sekalipun saya memenangkan kuis tersebut. Pun sebagai pemenang hiburan. Sepeda mini pertama saya adalah hadiah dari Ayah saya, yang harus saya pakai bergantian dengan adik saya. Dan pastinya, tidak bisa saya bawa ke sekolah untuk sekedar difoto. Sepeda itu saya dapatkan setelah melewati tahun demi tahun trial and error untuk mendapatkannya lewat kuis berhadiah.Anehnya, tahun dimana saya berhenti mengirimkan jawaban kuis bukan di tahun saya mendapatkan sepeda gratis, tetapi sesudahnya.

Saya jadi berpikir,kalau saya berkarunia anak nanti. Kalau mereka memiliki wish list, akankah wish list itu disertai bayangan akan proses yang harus dikerjakan? Seperti contoh sepeda mini impian ( harus isi kuis atau TTS dulu, tulis jawaban di perangko, tempel perangko, jalan kaki ke kantor pos)  yang dilakukan setidaknya beratus kali. Kecil kemungkinan mereka akan menginginkan sebuah sepeda mini.  Gadget terbaru lebih masuk akal. Tapi, apakah mereka akan meminta saja dan menunggu saya sebagai orangtua untuk memberikannya secara cuma-cuma?. 

Jelas, bukan dosa kalau kita memberikannya secara gratis, untuk anak, darah daging. Tapi, apakah tidak lebih baik kalau kita tidak membatasi imajinasi, kreatifitas, usaha anak dalam mendapatkan apa yang diinginkannya? Melatih ketekunannya bahkan sebelum kita melepas dia menjadi manusia dewasa? . Banyak yang menerapkan; nilai sekolah sempurna adalah syarat untuk dapat barang A atau B. Dan itu tidak salah. Jengkelnya, dulu saya hanya dapat senyuman jika nilai saya sempurna, atau jika peringkat tiga besar di tangan. Karena orangtua saya percaya namanya pelajar ya sudah seharusnya belajar, sudah seharusnya dapat nilai bagus. Bukan mereka tidak menghargai, tetapi karena mereka mau anak-anak mereka meraih potensi yang lebih lagi.  Yang saya maksud orangtua disini adalah Kakek, Nenek dan Ayah saya. Kalau Ibu saya lebih santai. Ibu saya adalah tameng saya kalau saya sedang malas dan sesekali mau bolos. Dan saya mencintai dia untuk itu. :)

Kartu pos yang saya maksudkan

Saya punya banyak kakak sepupu, Paman dan kerabat yang saya tahu menghadapi pilihan-pilihan atau jalan hidup yang tidak semudah yang saya alami. Sekarang, betapa mereka menjadi teladan dan tidak jarang menjadi berkat bagi orang lain. Jangankan mimpi soal sepeda mini, bisa makan telur saja hanya kalau sedang ada ujian di sekolah. 

Mungkin saya bisa pakai cerita mereka sebagai contoh bagi anak-anak saya kelak, supaya mau berlatih menempakan usaha pada impian, melakukan tindakan sebagai proses pencapaian harapan. Bukan hanya berharap.

Apakah saya tidak tergoda untuk memanjakan mereka nanti? Bisa jadi. Tetapi saya mau belajar menjadi orang tua yang lebih kreatif, lebih menantang. Saya bukan tidak ingin memberikan seluruh isi dunia ini pada mereka, tapi saya lebih tertarik mengenalkan mereka pada esensi kerja keras dan kegigihan. Dan jangan lupa, belajar tertawa saat gagal. Bohong kalau saya bilang saya tidak pernah menangis saat sadar saya lagi-lagi tak jadi pemenang. Tapi ada saat dimana saya akhirnya bisa menghela napas, tersenyum, bahkan tertawa menghadapinya.

Karena menurut pengalaman saya sampai hari ini, itu adalah bekal terbaik yang pernah diberikan kepada saya. Sedangkan si sepeda mini, bisa terabaikan kapan saja.

Semoga saya bisa.

Majalah Bobo saat pertama terbit di tahun 1974

Good Start

I know they still have long way to go in parenting world. But I can say that they have started the force in a good way. Things I can learn from when someday I have my own kids ;)

Here are some reasons why.

They introduced him to sport since the very beginning

and housekeeping too!

They allow him to dress up as madly as he can be

see?

Let him finish his math work,

read the classic Indonesian children magazine; Bobo

and not to let a sunny day go by without playing outsize (with his Dad)

and oh, they never say no to dancing under the rain too!

Isn't he a happy healthy baby boy?

On Parenting

Well I am not a momma yet. But I know I want to be one someday. What I understand is that it is not an easy job, no precise right or wrong  on the subject and even a best seller parenting guide, can miss a thing or two. Situation, environment and culture may form a certain template on parenting which can be very different in many places or families. And do not forget educational background too. My upbringing was quite carefree. Yet, it brought us closer and closer when we grow up. Education is top priority. But, not as important as happiness and the pleasure being your very self. Hence, the megawatt smile on my face  and a swell heart whenever I see my siblings and family.

I am not her to pry, or brag about something that I have never entered just yet. I just want to say that I think I learn a value or two watching other families grow, at the same time looking up to my parents and grandparents. By the time my parenthood timing knocks, things maybe very different with the world that I am seeing now. But, these are a few merit I will try as hard as I can.. to apply.

If you are a parents, can you tell me how do you deal and "survive" the force? Can you share me a thing or two?

• If God allows, the scenario A will be : A boy, another boy and last one a Girl: I will name my first Andersen (Andersen Emmanuel will be best), the second will be Gibran and the girl will be  Kathryn. Yes there are reasons before those names which is not necessary to be publicized.
• I do not have scenario B.
• They will call me Ibu, and the father will have to agree on being addressed with Ayah.
• They will be spoiled with books... Oh yes books. I will be the kind of a mother who read them stories since they were in my tummy. Reading opens your mind, and I want my children to at least absorb that fact since the very beginning. They can decide later whether or not they want to be a bookworm. But for as long as they are living under my roof, they will be choked off with books. I currently am reading for my baby nephew whenever I visit him. He looooveeesss it.
• When it's raining outside. My kids will not waste their time staring at the clear drops over the window. They will sing and dance under the rain. With me and the father. Oh no, I never believe that dancing in the rain is going to make me sick. Nor my kids. If the sun is shinning bright, I will turn on the sprinkle and lead them to rung through it.
• I will overuse the saying of I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU... I LOVE YOU!
• I will tell them the story, the complete (not the bogus) chronicle of how their father and I have met. However, if I did the first move, I will probably hide that fact from my son.
• They can paint their room's wall. However they like it. Other rooms; depends on their age. But my room and our home library is out of the question.
• They will hate me for this but; NO TV in the room. (That's why you can paint the wall)
• They will spend more time outside of the house, doing mentally and physically challenging activities rather than snuggling up in the room with gadgets. I don't ban them from gadget, they have to adjust with the technology anyway. But there will be a measurement of time on that and the hours spent more will not be in gadget. And, they will be taught on how to love animals, or bugs, .... or, to fall in and out of love.
• By the time I have to let them go and to live on their own, I will ask them to tell me in the face, If I interfere too much. And promise myself not to get hurt (as much).
• Repeatedly telling them how amazing God is.

Joseph and I

I will add a few more as time travels. But I will try not to delete or revise... Let's see... Never hurt to practice early right?