How to talk to Little Girls

I stumbled upon a GREAT article How to Talk to Little Girls by Lisa Bloom, which encourages adults to ask little girls about ideas and books, instead of complementing their looks. Ouch. Was I being completely wrong the whole time?

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I started to remember what I had said to my friends about their daughters;

She has the most gorgeous hair.

Those eyes, baby. Those eyes!

She is so pretty!

It was all about physical appearances. 

Tho it may not always set them up for dieting at age five and full-make-up at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 (please continue if you like), it drives them to think that physical outlook matters the most.

Wouldn't it be so much better if we could put their interest in their minds and their passions from such an early stage? Instead of highlighting the physical element only?

This paragraph below made me realize, I need to start changing that.

“Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything,” says Bloom. “I always bite my tongue when I meet little girls, restraining myself from my first impulse, which is to tell them how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ well-dressed/ well-manicured/ well-coiffed they are… It’s our culture’s standard talking-to-little-girls icebreaker, isn’t it?”

“Try this the next time you meet a little girl [ask her what she’s reading]. She may be surprised and unsure at first because few ask her about her mind, but be patient and stick with it…Model for her what a thinking woman says and does.”

Then, I slowly changed my conversations with little girls. "Tell me about your new sticker books..." would be the icebreaker instead of "Let me see the new dress you got for your birthday."

I resort to asking what songs she wants us to sing together and what is her favorite activity at school today, then commenting "That's a cute hair clip!" afterward.

And I went farther. I asked my best friend's daughter about her favorite The Force Awakens scene and we talked about how sad the passing of General Leia made us. I chatted with my other friend's daughter about her swimming class and I told her swimming makes her strong and girls should be proud to be strong.

Lisa Bloom’s advice to have real conversations with little girls (and boys!) is simple yet wonderful.  

Try these:

“Have you been swimming this holiday?” 

“Do you like dogs?” 

"What is your favorite book/animal/color/food?"

"Can you sing me a new song you just learned?"

“Do you know any jokes?” 

You will be boggled with their minds.  It is such a seemingly small thing, but it can make a profound difference.

What’s your take on this? Do you instinctively compliment little girls’ looks, too? 

Do you remember having intriguing conversations with adults when you were little? Do you have any young girls in your life at the moment?