Be Still and Know

 

Photo from our first staycation in Bali where we get to bring Marilyn and Nugget!

“Sudah ya, kau kurang-kurangilah keras kepalamu,” terdengar dari setidaknya lima orang keluarga dan kerabat dekat. Ditujukan kepada saya, di hari pernikahan saya dan Yovan.

Saat orang keenam berbicara hal serupa, raut wajah Yovan mulai tegang. What did I get myself into? Mungkin itu pikirnya. Tetapi petugas catatan sipil sudah rapi melipat berkasnya. 

Saya tidak tersinggung. Apalagi yang bicara itu memang orang-orang yang sudah terbukti mengasihi saya. Juga, karena yang mereka katakan benar adanya. 

Namun, ada satu komentar yang tidak disampaikan langsung, “She got married? Wow. Salut to the man; she’s difficult.” Saya tidak marah, walau dalam hati mengumpat kepada si komentator “Maybe because you are easy?” 

Nah, soal keras tadi. Karena sadar akan kebenaran pesan dari keluarga, saya berusaha menjadi lebih baik. How’s it going so far? Hanya Yovan yang tahu. Juga anjing-anjing kami yang sudah paham betul peranan Good Cop-Bad Cop di rumah. You know who’s who. Rasanya sih, kalau mau pamer sedikit, saya sudah tidak sekeras dulu. 

Lucunya, di masa ini, pernikahan kami justru sedang menuntut saya untuk sedikit menerapkan sifat keras kepala itu tadi. Tapi, beda penerapannya. 

Keras kepala sekarang berarti lebih yakin akan penyertaan Tuhan di masa yang luar biasa penuh tekanan (Isaiah 43:2) . 

Keras kepala yang artinya patuh, terutama soal memaafkan saat kami secara sengaja dilukai (Colossians 3:13) .Keras kepala yang tunduk pada kedisiplinan untuk tetap membaca firman dan melakukannya (James 1:22, Luke 22:28) saat suara dunia justru terdengar lebih menjanjikan dan orang-orang berlabel “orang gereja” semakin terlihat kekejiannya. Don’t even get me started with that series on Netflix.

Terutama, keras kepala yang tidak suam-suam kuku dalam mengakui Tuhan Yesus dalam setiap keputusan dan perbuatan.  

Dan ternyata, teman… ini jauh lebih sulit daripada melembutkan hati. Atau mungkin, urutannya harus demikian? One has to have a teachable heart to be transformed, yes (Psalm 119:34)? 

If so, I am not turning back even when my walks are sometimes wobbly.

We are not yielding to temptation because we made a promise that day: Jesus is the center of our life (Proverbs 3:6). 

Luar biasa rasanya melawan segala kedagingan, mencoba menjadi teladan, dan tetap percaya bahwa rancangan-Nya bukanlah rancangan kejahatan (Jeremiah 29:11)

And when the reality isn’t too bleak someday soon, we can talk about the series I mentioned earlier. Just not today.

Timing and everything in between

Us two on a short staycation in Ubud

These days, Yovan and I have been pondering about our plans. Big and small. Those, of course, plans orbit around our stage in life and our age. 

We cannot help but wonder how different things would be if we got together sooner.

So my mind phrased this little note.

If we started this (marriage) earlier, in our 20s at least (when we met!), maybe we'd be arranging more travel plans.

Maybe, there be rarer conversations about back pains, and I'd still have more eggs in me.

How about when we were in our 30's? I think date nights would last longer than 10 pm, and there be fewer blood pressure meds in the cabinet.

But also, maybe. I won't be this vulnerable, and you won't respond to this dynamic as you do today. Maybe, we won't be this content knowing that God is in charge and His sovereignty rules every step of the way.

His timing is everything, even when we have to wait a little longer. His sovereignty rules, mostly when we have to pivot our plans.

King David and Robert Nesta Marley

Here's my personal vow I read to Yovan, my husband, on our wedding day, March 12.

"I asked you one random question last year; If you could have anyone, dead or alive, singing at your wedding... who would that be?

You answered King David of Israel. I wanted Bob Marley.

That conversation reminds me of how different we are, yet so much alike.

For obvious reasons, none of them can make it tonight. However, I am sure the most important guest is here. That is Jesus Christ

You once said that I am one of God's favourite and you've been treating me like one too.

I have so much to say to you right now but I'll keep it for when the guests are gone

Here comes the real part...

When things get hard. Because we know someday it will

When God says no. Because sometimes He might

Or when it's really hard for you to understand my crazy idea about life, when I am too stubborn, when you realised I'll never be a good cook... and when the weight of the world is on our shoulders or when we are sick...

I hope you'll find the heart to remind us what we have promised God today

I love you, and I cannot wait to glorify God in this marriage with you ❤ 

PS: If you want to read our story, click A Conscious Love Story

Believe it or Not: Marriage

For more than a handful of times, I have been asked with this question " Do you believe in marriage? " And for more than a couple of moments I have to wander around with my answer, just because I do not want people to get the wrong idea. Well let me make it clear now....I will try to say this as simple as I possibly can. 

Here we go... Do I believe in marriage? 
I have nothing against it. But, I believe more in appreciation, compromise, dedication, commitment and trust me… I am a big believer of Love. And those are the main elements of a relationship between two persons, whether they are married or not. 
So, that's that.

image is from here