On Books That Your Heart Clutches

I first read "Dear Ijawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions" in 2002, and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has since captured my heart.

This year, I sink my nose to inhale Purple Hibiscus which tells the story of Kambili and her older brother Jaja, who lead a privileged life in Enugu, Nigeria, sheltered from life's troubles and truth. 

Her works were not only raw and ingratiating but also invested with a profound sense of honesty that resonated deeply with me. 

Captivated by her style, I recently borrowed "The Thing Around Your Neck" from the library. It is a poignant collection of short stories that intricately maps the experiences of Nigerian women as they navigate the complexities of love—or the lack thereof—along with the heart-wrenching themes of loss and the everyday struggles they encounter in a challenging world. The depth and authenticity of these narratives invite readers to reflect on the resilience of women in the face of adversity.

Have you read any of her works? How do you recover from it?

**Disclaimer:** These are pictures from last week. I am recovering well.

In recent months, I have gone through symptoms of exhaustion and stress that caused me Gastroesophageal reflux and persistent nerve problems. While I spare you the details, I want to share how a visit from my friend, a servant of God, unshackled my perspective.

I became consumed by my current struggles and the themes of my first published book, which felt suffocating amidst the facts, real characters, and its relevance today. This fixation affected me deeply, especially as I received messages from people sharing similar hardships. I was overwhelmed by tragedy and negative news.

During her visit, while I was hospitalized, my friend Tracy, a servant of God,  said something that struck me: "We often talk about our ten percent tithe, but what about dedicating ten percent of our time to God through prayer, reading, watching uplifting movies, and spending time with supportive friends?" 

I realized I had been investing my energy and time in worldly pursuits. 

While some of these activities seemed beneficial, I questioned how reading a single Bible passage on my way out the door would impact my growth. What kind of growth could I expect, and how could I find the strength and fuel to keep going and fulfill my purpose?

So here I am. As I improve my physical health, I am also starting to make changes with my "tithe" of time dedicated to God. I trust that He has ordered my steps.

PS: Thank you, Tracy, for your time and words. My husband for standing by my side through my ups and downs. Also to my bestfriend, Yosefine, thank you for being there ALL THE WAY. 

Suami Dari Langit

Image from iStock/salim hanza

Pupur wajahnya kian hari kian tebal 

Celak matanya begitu juga

Mungkin ini namanya gaya

Seperti kata majalah bekas koyak yang pernah kubaca

Pikirku begitu kala melihat Ibu

Majalah itu  juga membahas lingkar pinggang, 

besar paha, dan lengkungan bokong

Jadi pasti Ia kurus karena itu

Pikirku begitu kala melihat Ibu

Jadi tak pernah aku bertanya kenapa tubuhnya kian ringkih

Walau buntutnya tiga

Tak pernah kami bingung kenapa Ibu berias selalu, walau cuma untuk ke warung di ujung jalan

Setiap Kamis membeli sekantung beras, yang seperempatnya dirubung kutu

Saban malam, saat bulan bertengger dekat pohon bambu

Ibu akan bersujud menghadap ke langit, kami ikut

Oleh isakan, pupurnya luntur,

Celak matanya hanyut, gincunya larut

“Langit, tolong jaga suamiku supaya hatinya tak kalut saat menjelang pulang nanti”

“Supaya matanya tak gelap saat sampai rumah kami”

Begitu terus doanya tak putus putus

Apakah langit itu yang sudah memberikan Ibuku suami? 

Sampai begitu setianya Ia berdoa dan mengabdi

Setiap malam dan juga pagi

Pasti!

Pikirku begitu

kala melihat Ibu

Saat pupur terakhir disapukan perias 

pada wajahnya yang kini kaku

Oleh TBH- Juli 2024

Kawin (demi) Tanah

Sebenarnya Ia ingin pamer atau riya

Soal tanahnya yang berdepa-depa
Lenan sutranya yang berhelai helai
Dan tusuk sanggulnya yang emas murni
bukan sepuhan

Tetapi setiap ke pasar
Saat harus pura-pura menawar bawang segenggam
Yang nanti akan diolah bibik di rumah
Ia hanya ditanya orang
Soal nikmatnya hidup rumah tangga
Baiik di dapur maupun di kasur

Yang mana satupun diantaranya
Ia tidak tahu
Namanya juga kawin paksa
Demi tanah berdepa-depa yang tak jadi milik tengkulak
Yang bahkan bisa menebus nyawa Abahnya

Asal Ia pura-pura bahagia
Tanpa bisa berlakon riya

Tapi apa aib mengakui
kalau dia sebenarnya tidak pura-pura?
Karena sungguh
Ia sudah bahagia karena harta

Yah
semoga besok
Ada yang bertanya paling tidak
soal kain sutranya melambai dengan anggun 

saat Ia melangkah di pasar

(Foto hanya ilustrasi dan bukan perwakilan dari kisah nyata)

The Grief We Choose to Endure

It's been eight months since my first rescue dog, Mahoni, passed away.

This morning, I woke up at the break of dawn longing for her: the sound of her paws, her big brown eyes, her gorgeous brown coat, and her burying her beautiful face under my arms. I miss all those things.  

I thought I was okay and had come to terms with the end of our 11-year relationship. But that morning, I realized something new; being okay has nothing to do with grief. 

To spare you the intricate details, Mahoni was my rock during my formative years in Bali. I was going through a rough time and made a lot of wrong decisions in trying to fill the void. I was also entangled in toxic relationships.

Mahoni was the one I could be completely honest with. Sure, she had her infamous side eye and reactive behaviors towards certain people, but her unwavering love always outweighed my pain. We shared highs and lows with tears and laughter, and even though I've managed to rebuild my life and have been blessed with wonderful friends, family, and more dogs to love, Mahoni's place is irreplaceable. 

I'm okay living my life without her by my side, but I'm better when I can revisit our stories every now and then.

This is the grief I've chosen to endure, and I'll be eternally grateful for it.

On Career and Style

Since I made a significant career change in 2018, things haven't been easy. But I know it was one of the best decisions I've ever made! 

Despite facing challenges, I'm still here (with my first published book about to go for a second print!), maintaining a steady relationship with my retainer clients, and setting healthy boundaries with ex-clients (no bridges burnt).  

Lately, I've been reading career tips to boost my creativity and evaluate if there's more I can do to improve. You know, the usual questions: Am I being productive enough? Will this self-employed path sustain me? Should I always dress up even when I work from home? Why can't my dogs stay quiet whenever I am on a work call?

The most pressing question that comes up from time to time is: "Am I charging my clients fairly or sometimes too low?" If you've been wondering the same, particularly the latter part, here's something reassuring to read.

As for the dress up part, it's a yes for me. 

Emily Henderson, Stylist and Interior Designer

There is something inside us, especially women, that tells us that if our work is something we love to do it should somehow be worth less. But, the exact opposite is true: the more you love to do something, the easier you make it look, the faster you are at it, the more VALUABLE you are because of your passion. So, while we all love to get paid in kisses, praise and genuine appreciation, know that Our talent, skills, and expertise are worth banknotes (The Business of Design)

Maintaining a certain standard guides us on how to determine our rates and how to approach otherwise uncomfortable dealing situations a.k.a when to say no when it does not meet your time and skills. 

(Kebaya top from Sejauh Mata Memandang , Dragon hand-painted sarong from Awesome Lasem, Shoes from MKS's Shoes.

An endearing read

I read something that gives my heart this warm, fuzzy feeling. Actually, it almost made me cry.

Here goes.

“There are many different kinds of bravery. There’s the bravery of thinking of others before one’s self. Now, your father has never brandished a sword nor fired a pistol, thank heavens. But he has made many sacrifices for his family, and put away many dreams.”

“Where did he put them?” 

“He put them in a drawer. And sometimes, late at night, we take them out and admire them. But it gets harder and harder to close the drawer… He does. And that is why he is brave.”— Conversation between Mrs. Darling and Michael, Peter Pan by J.M. Barrie

from Pinterest