Suami Dari Langit

Image from iStock/salim hanza

Pupur wajahnya kian hari kian tebal 

Celak matanya begitu juga

Mungkin ini namanya gaya

Seperti kata majalah bekas koyak yang pernah kubaca

Pikirku begitu kala melihat Ibu

Majalah itu  juga membahas lingkar pinggang, 

besar paha, dan lengkungan bokong

Jadi pasti Ia kurus karena itu

Pikirku begitu kala melihat Ibu

Jadi tak pernah aku bertanya kenapa tubuhnya kian ringkih

Walau buntutnya tiga

Tak pernah kami bingung kenapa Ibu berias selalu, walau cuma untuk ke warung di ujung jalan

Setiap Kamis membeli sekantung beras, yang seperempatnya dirubung kutu

Saban malam, saat bulan bertengger dekat pohon bambu

Ibu akan bersujud menghadap ke langit, kami ikut

Oleh isakan, pupurnya luntur,

Celak matanya hanyut, gincunya larut

“Langit, tolong jaga suamiku supaya hatinya tak kalut saat menjelang pulang nanti”

“Supaya matanya tak gelap saat sampai rumah kami”

Begitu terus doanya tak putus putus

Apakah langit itu yang sudah memberikan Ibuku suami? 

Sampai begitu setianya Ia berdoa dan mengabdi

Setiap malam dan juga pagi

Pasti!

Pikirku begitu

kala melihat Ibu

Saat pupur terakhir disapukan perias 

pada wajahnya yang kini kaku

Oleh TBH- Juli 2024

Kawin (demi) Tanah

Sebenarnya Ia ingin pamer atau riya

Soal tanahnya yang berdepa-depa
Lenan sutranya yang berhelai helai
Dan tusuk sanggulnya yang emas murni
bukan sepuhan

Tetapi setiap ke pasar
Saat harus pura-pura menawar bawang segenggam
Yang nanti akan diolah bibik di rumah
Ia hanya ditanya orang
Soal nikmatnya hidup rumah tangga
Baiik di dapur maupun di kasur

Yang mana satupun diantaranya
Ia tidak tahu
Namanya juga kawin paksa
Demi tanah berdepa-depa yang tak jadi milik tengkulak
Yang bahkan bisa menebus nyawa Abahnya

Asal Ia pura-pura bahagia
Tanpa bisa berlakon riya

Tapi apa aib mengakui
kalau dia sebenarnya tidak pura-pura?
Karena sungguh
Ia sudah bahagia karena harta

Yah
semoga besok
Ada yang bertanya paling tidak
soal kain sutranya melambai dengan anggun 

saat Ia melangkah di pasar

(Foto hanya ilustrasi dan bukan perwakilan dari kisah nyata)

The Grief We Choose to Endure

It's been eight months since my first rescue dog, Mahoni, passed away.

This morning, I woke up at the break of dawn longing for her: the sound of her paws, her big brown eyes, her gorgeous brown coat, and her burying her beautiful face under my arms. I miss all those things.  

I thought I was okay and had come to terms with the end of our 11-year relationship. But that morning, I realized something new; being okay has nothing to do with grief. 

To spare you the intricate details, Mahoni was my rock during my formative years in Bali. I was going through a rough time and made a lot of wrong decisions in trying to fill the void. I was also entangled in toxic relationships.

Mahoni was the one I could be completely honest with. Sure, she had her infamous side eye and reactive behaviors towards certain people, but her unwavering love always outweighed my pain. We shared highs and lows with tears and laughter, and even though I've managed to rebuild my life and have been blessed with wonderful friends, family, and more dogs to love, Mahoni's place is irreplaceable. 

I'm okay living my life without her by my side, but I'm better when I can revisit our stories every now and then.

This is the grief I've chosen to endure, and I'll be eternally grateful for it.

On Career and Style

Since I made a significant career change in 2018, things haven't been easy. But I know it was one of the best decisions I've ever made! 

Despite facing challenges, I'm still here (with my first published book about to go for a second print!), maintaining a steady relationship with my retainer clients, and setting healthy boundaries with ex-clients (no bridges burnt).  

Lately, I've been reading career tips to boost my creativity and evaluate if there's more I can do to improve. You know, the usual questions: Am I being productive enough? Will this self-employed path sustain me? Should I always dress up even when I work from home? Why can't my dogs stay quiet whenever I am on a work call?

The most pressing question that comes up from time to time is: "Am I charging my clients fairly or sometimes too low?" If you've been wondering the same, particularly the latter part, here's something reassuring to read.

As for the dress up part, it's a yes for me. 

Emily Henderson, Stylist and Interior Designer

There is something inside us, especially women, that tells us that if our work is something we love to do it should somehow be worth less. But, the exact opposite is true: the more you love to do something, the easier you make it look, the faster you are at it, the more VALUABLE you are because of your passion. So, while we all love to get paid in kisses, praise and genuine appreciation, know that Our talent, skills, and expertise are worth banknotes (The Business of Design)

Maintaining a certain standard guides us on how to determine our rates and how to approach otherwise uncomfortable dealing situations a.k.a when to say no when it does not meet your time and skills. 

(Kebaya top from Sejauh Mata Memandang , Dragon hand-painted sarong from Awesome Lasem, Shoes from MKS's Shoes.