What are you suck at?

It is easy to talk about what you are good at. Or, things that are easy for you to comprehend, be it at work or in relationships.

But when it comes to your ‘areas that need of improvement’ …. Hmmm. Will you  be that bluntly honest? Is it too weird for us to talk about: “What are you suck at?”
Let me try...

I suck at … relationships. No surprise eh? I can say I am a great starter in relationships. I have the ability to keep the distance but also to keep up with little perks to the day we can finally be an item. I know how much men love their freedom and trust me, I can give them that privilege while being in an intimate relationship.

But as time travels, I will start ...to... freak out. This the phase when I start to have an over bearing anxiety about getting hurt and I will easily bail out of relationship the second I am sensing something is wrong. 
Fixing it sounds too exhausting. And I don’t want to risk my heart being hurt for real. Classic? Wait till you read this.... I am a big 'loner'. So giving my space (be it time, a drawer, bed, nights in, day off)  is a big time compromise. I mean, big. If I allow you to be part of it, it means I really like you. To the rim!

At this very moment, I am learning to fight against this habit. Haha... I know, the word fight might sounds like an exaggeration but if you are in my shoes, you will understand why I am using that particular word. To make this not so stressful, I learn to start talking about things instead of avoiding conflict. I accept the fact that in relationship, there will always a time when your ideas cannot go together, when you are being hurt or when you –be it with your consciousness or not- hurt your loved one, when your space is not always yours all the time (oh my)… You cannot avoid that. I just need to make sure I am with the one who is worth fighting for.

And even to most people this is not a surprising fact, for me... this is new. At the age of 32? Oh yes. That's downright pathetic.

I suck at relationships. But admitting this, is half the battle for me in the process of doing it better. 

Bear with me.

Don't ask :)