But really, how are you?

Let me start by saying the obvious truth; this year sucks. But what's even more depressing is, we are not sure of the ordeal will expire as we hit January 1st 2020 in a couple of months

Sure, there are news on vaccines, studies taking places everywhere to test the effectiveness, tireless government all around the globe (mostly clueless) implementing measures to keep their country at bay... But really, how can we be certain?

Another brutal truth, I was planning to write an uplifting post here, and it is not looking well. I have no phrases in my mind that will help readers ease their anxious mind. To that, I apologise.

If I may, however, I want to share a few things that I've been doing randomly the past pandemic months. As it is a not one size fits all, you may want to do a bit of a beating around the bush here to see which one works best. For me, there are days when any small things I do can lift my mood in an instant (buying ice cream, re reading my favourite book). Other days are just too gloomy to handle and all I can bear to do is just curling up on my bed, sob a little, listening to The Smiths. 

Entering the last quarter of 2020, as my worry starting to pile up (financial, health of my family, the fact that I may only have several healthy eggs in my uterus, business-the lack thereof), I am also beginning to accept that I do not have to fix bad days and bad mood instantly. If the whole world is collapsing, then, maybe... just be human for a bit and sink for a brief moment... 

I am tired, terrified, and that...is okay. 

But when you have a little kick to do something to lift yourself up, maybe try these:

1. Listen to music that helps with anxiety. I was skeptical at first, but on the first go, it actually worked for me. A cup of hot tea in hand, this tunes, can actually remind our body to be at present even just for a short moment. 

2. Put on some lipstick. Even if you do not have a virtual meeting on the agenda. Instant mood lifter! 

3. Make plans to have a nice lunch. It does not have to be something expensive, it can be something as simple as your favourite fried rice, mac and cheese, or a giant bowl of salad that is soaked in heavy dressing. Something to look forward to, no matter how small, can give a kick up a good mood.

4. Clean your cluttered photo albums. As simple as that. 

5. Read a chapter, just one chapter... No need to press yourself to finish an optimistic number of books in a month, just try something in a smaller scale. It helps.

How about you? What is it the one particular thing you are feeling today? How do you deal with that? 

From Help Guide

 

And wouldn't it be nice to live together?

One of my all time fave. Somehow now feels more relevant than ever.

"And wouldn't it be nice to live together

In the kind of world where we belong?

You know it's gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new?
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through?"

PS: She and Him did a nice cover of this song too, check it here.

I really do

For years, I never prayed about this particular part of my life. Life partner, and... if we want to be more specific here, a life partner in a God centered relationship.

No one can really ask me why, as I will shrug it off lightly as I move forward. And I was not being dishonest. I was always thinking of that matter lightly. 

However, I continue to pray that God will cultivate me. My heart, mind, habits. Following the path He has prepared for me. Not easy. But I keep going. 

With so many changes especially the past two years, I've never been this certain of my existence. Pandemic or not, broke or wealthy, I am where I am intended to be, I am who I am sculptured to be.

I turned forty last January. On that very day, I finally talked to Him about it. How I have this sweet yet aching longing about fulfilling another purpose. A purpose I am somehow certain of, is in the store for me. "If you think I will do better in fulfilling my purpose by uniting with someone (of Your choice), thy will be done."

Now, if you have been reading my posts since the beginning, you might have a slight idea of who I am. How I can be particular (if not peculiar) with what I want. Books, music, food, clothes. Men? Yes, that too. So I cannot say I am not frightened because truth is... I am. 

That rugged-nerdy-handsome look but knows how to dress properly? Sure that is still on the list. And I believe in my list! Literate? Yes, THAT is non negotiable. We need to be intellectually intertwined, not just about trends, books, social issues, and or politics. It is also about the Holy Bible, about God's words, about who He is and what He wants from that person as a man, individually, and as a man if he were to be my lifetime partner. Someone I naturally respect and love at the same time because I just see it in him. 

What kind of a father will he be? I have my views on that too. Someone who is not afraid of showing tough love when needed but so gentle he would dress up in pink tutus if our daughter (or son) wants to have him dress as a princess who came to a tea party. 

A dad who would protect but gentle, provide but also allowing me to contribute. A lover, but also, a long time friend...