The Big Five

Today marks my five years in Bali. 

Arrived wounded, I let the island healed me through even more things to lose, gain, change, and sometimes mutate. My steps were wobbly at first, and I almost gave up. Almost. 

People say you lose some, you win some. That's also the case in my life; in relationships, tangible materials, friends, wealth, weight, and maybe my skin's hydration (which sadly is a loss, grrr). 

After five years, the scar remains. But I am standing far cry from the past with all that I am today. 
Today, I am saying nothing but grace for all the things that I am blessed with; 

1. I am healthier. Sure, I just got better from a three day fever. But I am healthy. It was just my body telling me that I need to slow down. In general, I am healthy. I am in search of a nice skin moisturizer now but nothing like cure for serious illness. Thank you God.

2. The house. Of course. I may not be the only single woman who bought her own house before turning 35. But since I struggled my way to be here, I feel sooooo blessed and lucky. Boy, the mortgage...oh the mortgage! I must tell you, I still cringe sometimes when I have to pay for it. Thinking about holidays that I have not take for the past years, branded bags and or shoes... or lavish brunch that I have to say "Wait/No" to. But every time I wake up in the morning, staring at my 4*3 m bedroom's ceiling, knowing that, even though it is a small house... it is mine, I am grateful.

3. My dogs Marilyn and Mahoni, my siblings, and my friends that are now my families. 

"Not by might, not by power, but by My Spirit." Zechariah 4:6. To God be the glory. 

Some related posts:

Day 365 in Bali

Two years and counting

My three years in Bali
Four and going strong

ps: Next, I will post on why I decided to make this blog public again. Including the reason why I blocked it a few weeks ago. Keep reading... :-)

From Nyepi Celebration.

Unplayed Piano

There is only one person that really knows why this song means a lot to me.
Most especially this lyrics:

"The moon goes bright, the darker they make my night..."

ps: Unplayed Piano was released in Ireland on June 17, 2005 and in the UK on June 20, 2005 to coincide with Aung San Suu Kyi's 60th birthday. The song was written for Suu Kyi following a visit by Damien to Burma in July 2004. Proceeds from the sale of the single go to the Burma campaign.

Standing strong with epilepsy

You read that right.

But it's not me. It is my baby girl, my cheeky-smart-goofy black Labrador Marilyn a.k.a Midnight Blonde.

She was diagnosed with Canine Epilepsy before she turned two. Her (probably) first seizure was before my very eyes. I was shocked in an assumption that she got food poisoning. Turned out, it was (is) Epilepsy.

And our life's been a tad of a roller coaster ever since.

Here's a simple explanation about it: 

Epilepsy is a brain disorder that causes the dog to have sudden, uncontrolled, recurring physical attacks, with or without loss of consciousness. This may sometimes occur for unknown reasons (idiopathic) or due to genetic abnormalities. 

And Marilyn has it. She has done several tests which ruled out other suspects and is proven as healthy and young enough to be on Phenobarbital. The vet has provided me with the right kind of diet and exercise plan. The tests were not cheap, and neither does her medicine and special diet, but she is family, so I do not mind.

What's a bit disturbing is that it will not cure it. It will just help her to distance the episodes. Any drastic changes in routine, or major swings of my emotions may trigger her gran mal. She cannot be too tired, too excited, or too stressed.
And since we have a strong bond ... I always always know when she's going to have her seizure.

However, even though I have handled her for (what seems to bee too often and too long) episodes, my heart is always floored. I am much calmer now, and learning a lot from her brave heart.
At this stage, her seizures might last to 7 minutes, which equals to eternity. Ranging from fit and spasm to total body unconsciousness to the point that she is losing control of her bladder. I lost my calm when she peed herself during one horrific episode. "It's okay baby... I am here... we're okay..." are my words of encouragement as I am trying hard not to form rivers down my cheeks. I am never sure if I say it to calm her of myself. Well, the latter, obvi.
But as soon as she's relaxed, she will immediately kiss me as if saying "I am back, Mama."
Mahoni, her best friend will usually sit next to me the whole time. Giving me support more that anyone can understand.

I am now in search of other types of medicine. She is responding well to Phenobarbital but in the longer run, it will eat her kidney alive. If anyone out there can give more information, please let me know.
It took me months to share this story of mine and now I am brave enough and is actually asking for advice and moral support. 

But the most important thing that I want to convey is, even with epilepsy, she still is, my cheeky-smart-goofy baby girl.
She has epilepsy, but it does not have her. 

ps: Read this What you need to know about Canine Epilepsy

Update as per June 2017
Her seizure now last from 12 minutes to 2hr long and she would actually pooped if it was that strong.
The worst was in February,  where in less than one week she had a 1,5 hr and 2 hr long attack which causing her a high fever for 7 days long.

Update as per June 2018
Her recent test shows her liver is functioning perfectly despite her multiplied Phenobarbital dosage. But we had two cluster episodes this year that force us to rushed her to the pet hospital so she can get sedative shots. Both cluster episodes lasted nearly three hours long. High fever keeps following after cluster episodes with the highest temperature being 41degrees.


We are alternating acupuncture for her too.

I love you too

The power is in your palm (II)

It is obvious that this story breaks my heart. But since I know ranting about it will not help, I have signed a very important petition and also been asking my siblings and close friends to do the same.

Sign here if you want your grand children to still be able to see this precious soulful being, please: 

#InYourPalm.

My 7 y.o nephew watched the video of Lena and Strawberry today. And he immediately filtered his snacks in the fridge and tell his Mama about how he does not want to eat anything that's produced/ processed by hurting Orangutans and or its habitat. 

Joseph's first steps: Quitting on Kraft and Lays' chips while mine is breaking up with Smuckers and Colgate. 

Thank you, Joseph. It means a lot to the world. 

PS: If you like, please learn more about palm oil here.